All our friends are breaking up!

[HennyPennyHorror]

AIBU to wonder why? Ok...not ALL of them but we're in a tight-knit group of four couples. We're all in our mid to late 40s/early 50s and have been friends since our 20s.

One of our set broke up mid last year when he just upped and walked out on her and their teenage DC and now, my absolute best friends of the whole group are looking at divorce.

None of the relationships were perfect but they were lovely when it was right...the second break-up hasn't fully happened yet but is pretty much going to.

DH went round there yesterday to give a gift to the husband and he said it felt so sad there. I am cut up about the changing face of my group and so sad.

Also...what is it about this age? Or is breaking up "catching"?

Similar situation here.
I think it’s because a last chance to regroup before old age kicks in.

My friends are finding dating a challenge though. Men don’t seem to age as well. They all have great single lives though. Better than when they were married.

To many it must look like i 'just upped and walked' 12 years ago.

There will always be a reason. But it need not be obvious or even gossip worthy. In my case there was no massive hidden drama. But at the same time there was nothing 'just' or sudden about my leaving. XH and i had had no physical contact for 2 years when i walked out. I'd told him months before that i was unhappy and that the marriage was now in name only. No surprise for him when i left. That didn't stop him telling a mesh of lies about me to save face at the end.

It's good to retain friendships, but be careful about 'taking sides' when couples split. The reasons behind a split can be complicated and never fully understood.

Well I'm happy to buck the trend! Our friendship group of 4 couples are all still going strong. We're aged late 40's through to mid 50's and have been friends for 20+ years. One of the husbands had been married before as a young man but we didn't know him then - only met him with his present wife. Now the children are adults we're all kicking up our heels and enjoying life. It's true that debt puts an awful lot of strain on a relationship, and it may be relevant that we've all paid off our mortgages. I've been married 30+ years and since our youngest moved out we've been so happy!

I remember reading somewhere that the two peak times for divorce are middle age (when children start leaving home and couples are alone together a lot again) and when they have multiple children under 5. I'm not in the first group's age group yet but know many who split when their second child was around 2 (with another sibling a few years older). Times of change and stress I suppose.

I think when the youngest child is growing more independent and you as a couple have more time to spend together it really shines a light on your relationship and you either sink or swim together

Apparently some men can’t cope when a woman hits menopause .. so they look elsewhere .. unfortunately

Random thought/fact

I might have lost track of which couple was which, but it sounds like you previously had two friends in abusive relationships - and now they're not. Which is hardly a bad thing, although upsetting to learn what had been going on behind closed doors.

Unless all those examples of bastardry are from one man, in which case no wonder your friend is struggling to deal with the aftermath. It's really sad what some humans will do to others.

Pain that's it...and it's upsetting to realise that it's been like that for them.

How old are you? It is sooooo common in your late 30s early 40s. So far two out of 9 couples in our tight knit group have split up.

We've certainly noticed a big shift in our group (all early 40s, couple of primary aged kids each) over the last couple of years with couples splitting or going through particularly bad patches, where 5 years ago we all looked untouchable. It's weird.

I think it's just that once the children are gone, they look at each other and can't face the rest of their lives with this person with no buffer (i.e., the children) I'm afraid.