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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friends break up

3 replies

BumbleBee27 · 17/03/2019 20:01

A friend of mine has recently split from her long term partner. It was out of the blue and they have only been married six months with two kids between them so understandably she is very cut up.

She's a good friend who I've known many years but in recent years since we've both had kids we've probably only got together a handful of times per year because families and stuff have taken priority. Since she separated she's been wanting to get together a lot more often. I've made myself available for coffees, telephone chats, a few nights out but I'm struggling because I work full time and have my own family who I've sacrificed time with on a weekend to see her.

Our other mutual friend (who has no kids) is also continuously trying to arrange weekends away, spa days, girly holidays, fancy meals and stuff because apparently we all need to rally around for her and cheer her up. I really can't afford all these things in terms of money and time! But I feel so bad and am pretty sure I've been labelled as the bad friend by them already.

Am I BU? It's worth mentioning that I went through a rubbish break up a few years ago and was not given (nor expected) the same treatment!!! Is it wrong for me to decline at least some of these outings?

OP posts:
SandAndSea · 17/03/2019 20:05

Of course you're not bu. Just do what feels good to you.

greeneyedlulu · 17/03/2019 20:08

I wouldn't worry too much, they know your circumstances so can't be surprised if you have to decline a few things for your family!

dragonsfire · 17/03/2019 20:10

Your not BU can only do what you can do!

As long as you know your giving as much as can as in checking on your friend etc there’s nothing to feel bad about.

Friendship is a two way street they need to understand your situation to!

I just went through a very hard time (IVF with early miscarriage) I know which friends have time and which do not, I would never pressure anyone to spend time or money they have not got to make me feel better!

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