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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask about going back to work (tell me it’s ok)

19 replies

Seabiscuit1 · 17/03/2019 18:22

I’m going back to work tomorrow after 10 months mat leave and I am in a state. It’s a new job and it’s full time. I will be away for 4 12 hours days in different cities this week although it won’t be like that every week.
I can’t stop crying. I am dreading leaving DD. She will be with my mum who she adores and will be fine but I don’t think I am going to be!
Please tell me it’s all going to be fine. I feel ready to pack it all in.

OP posts:
Bambamber · 17/03/2019 18:24

I found the anticipation far, far worse than actually going back. Good luck!

TwoRoundabouts · 17/03/2019 18:24

It will be fine.

Your DD will smile at you if you (fake) happily wave her goodbye.

Tinkerbell456 · 17/03/2019 18:25

Oh seabuscuit! Must be an awful feeling💐

Original poster
Seabiscuit1 · 17/03/2019 18:27

Thank you. She has been ill and clingy all weekend and I just feel awful about leaving her. Nursery settling is going really badly too.
I can’t even bring myself to try on work clothes to see if anything still fits!

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 17/03/2019 18:27

You’ll be fine - I promise. I’ve been back just over 2 months and it’s going really well.

I’ve been tired and emotional but feel good being back in the world.

Be kind to yourself, take all/any support that you can and plan something nice and relaxing for the weekend.

Where will DC be when you’re at work?

Original poster
Seabiscuit1 · 17/03/2019 18:29

Thank you Merry. It’s good to know it’s doable. She will be with my mum for the next couple of weeks then will be at nursery 2 days a week and with my mum the rest of the time.

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 17/03/2019 18:30

My DS is taking time to settle too but it’s happening bit by bit.

Go for comfort. I bought a load of nice black jersey stuff and dress it up with scarves, jewellery etc.

Preparation is key.

Merryoldgoat · 17/03/2019 18:33

My DS1 was looked after by family after my first mat leave and he adored it. He used to push me out and cry when I collected him!

This is a tricky age as the separation anxiety has kicked in but they just need a bit of time.

PerpendicularVincent · 17/03/2019 18:35

The anticipation is far, far worse than the reality.

I cried and cried when I went back to work, but after a fortnight it was as if I'd never been away. It was also nice to keep my brain active, earn some money and have a wee in peace. DS loved nursery and made some friends he still has now.

Your DD will be fine Flowers

Original poster
Seabiscuit1 · 17/03/2019 18:37

I am actually looking forward to being at work. I know I will enjoy a bit of normality. It’s just the thought of not seeing everything that DD does. She will be fine. I don’t know about me!

OP posts:
Embracethechaos · 17/03/2019 18:45

My nearly 9 month is going to be going to childminder in 2 weeks. She's not yet show n much separation anxiety yet and I'm only going back 3 9 hour days. I feel a bit removed from it tbh. I'm a bit worried she won't nap and she's breast-fed though does take bottles. This week I'm recoding breastfeeds then next week im going to be giving bottles 8-5. I've got myself a bag of bigger size d uniforms though as I've gone up 2 sizes

incrediblehux · 17/03/2019 19:16

As a PP said, the anticipation is far worse than reality. I went back when my daughter was 8 months. 4 weeks later I'm really enjoying it, and enjoying her much more too. You'll be fine.

MaverickSnoopy · 17/03/2019 20:30

For many people maternity leave is wonderful, which makes returning to work so very hard.

Are you going back for financial reasons, because you want to, for security or something else? I think it makes a real difference to how you feel.

With my first I was dreading it despite loving my job. The anticipation was definitely worse and we soon settled into a routine although life was very busy. We would have benefited massively from a cleaner. With my second it was a new job but I tried to be positive. It was much harder that time but I didn't really want to go back even though it was very part time (previous job was full time). This time we've decided to be skint. Life is too busy with 3 and I'm not managing as it is (my dcs have additional needs and so many medical appointments).

Original poster
Seabiscuit1 · 17/03/2019 20:57

I am going back for financial secruity. We are fine but I want to be better than fine. And I also really want to have a career. It’s just going to be hard to get the balance

OP posts:
FitzChivalry · 17/03/2019 21:22

I went back 3 x 12 hour days. It was fine. You'll be fine.

MaverickSnoopy · 18/03/2019 06:35

That makes it a lot easier if Finances are not the only reason. You're right though, finding a balance is hard but give it a good go before you tweak anything so that you can work out what you need.

Good luck today!

user1493413286 · 18/03/2019 06:37

It will be ok; it’s hard but I found that I was happier in myself when I went back to work and DDs development flourished with all the new opportunities in childcare. Coming home to her excited to see me is lovely too.

Pinkprincess1978 · 18/03/2019 06:46

The anticipation is worse. Once you are at work you generally become to busy to worry and think about the baby. Those are long days but think of the 5th day at home with her. It will all be worth it then.

PerpendicularVincent · 18/03/2019 20:46

How did it go today, Seabiscuit?

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