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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is my husband taking the piss?

21 replies

Robika · 17/03/2019 15:47

I'm 38 weeks pregnant with my first child. NY DH has children from a previous marriage, one is 22 and one is 18. He started going out over the last 6 months with his son, who is 18, to watch football on a Saturday afternoon and I am left at home. I dont mind them spending time together but they get home drunk at like 2-3am make noise and wake me up often they stay up watching TV till the morning. They then sleep most of Sunday so effectively I have no company all weekend. I find it really tough and he doesnt seem to care. I must add he is a kind and caring accept for this and it doesnt happen every weekend. His attitude annoys me as if I moan about it he gets really defensive but tells me to stop whinging. But I just feel that they dont have to stay out so late. I want him to spend time with his kids especially as I dont want them to feel pushed put when our baby arrives in a few weeks. I just dont know what to do I feel like screaming at him but I feel like I am walking a tightrope of pushing his kids away and being selfish or just being unhappy.

OP posts:
Passthewinebottle · 17/03/2019 15:48

Yes. He is taking the piss massively. I wouldn’t bloody want him doing that when there’s a newborn around, and I’d be telling him so!

burritofan · 17/03/2019 15:53

It's not kind or caring to wake up a heavily pregnant woman, to incapacitate yourself so you're unable to help a pregnant woman all weekend, or to dismiss valid concerns as "whinging". If he were really kind or caring he wouldn't be doing this. Going out with his son: fine! 2am drinking sessions and all-day hangovers: no.

Ffswtf · 17/03/2019 15:54

Not on sorry. He can spend quality time with his kids without getting hammered every weekend. He sounds like he's trying to relive his youth through them! Esp unfair given you're so close to labour, and is he going to be doing this every weekend when the baby's here?

Ffswtf · 17/03/2019 15:56

Really annoys me when blokes dismiss their partners concerns and unhappiness as whinging or nagging HmmAngry

Flicketyflack · 17/03/2019 15:57

Yes he is taking the p**sShock

Presumably he wanted another child?

10IAR · 17/03/2019 15:58

Never, in the history of parenting, has seeing your children been "let's get fucking wankered and wreck an entire weekend for everyone"

Why does he need to get so bloody wasted? Football grounds are teeming with steaming idiots who ruin it for everyone else.

And he is majorly selfish to disturb your sleep and drop everything on you. Put your foot down now OP, or it'll be a newborn being woken up and you still doing everything all weekend. He's being a dick.

Oceanbliss · 17/03/2019 16:07

I'm sorry you're going through this. Yanbu. What would happen if you went into early labour while he was intoxicated? Have you got someone else to rely on to support you, get you to the hospital, and be there for you if your husband is out getting drunk with his son? If you have family support then maybe casually let your husband know that you are making arrangements for some family members to be on call during the weekends while he is out drinking in case of early labour or pregnancy complications. It might make him reconsider his behavior.

IHateUncleJamie · 17/03/2019 16:25

@Oceanbliss Good advice. YANBU AT ALL, OP. He needs to grow up, immediately. My dd is 19; when we go out together we have a lovely time without getting shitfaced, staying out late or sleeping all day. Because we’re actual adults.

I would definitely do what Oceanbliss suggests; start loudly and visibly assembling an on-call team of supporters/birth partners on the basis that you obviously can’t rely on your partner to be at home/awake/sober.

MiniEggAddiction · 17/03/2019 16:29

YANBU. I hope he doesn't plan to do the same once the baby is here.

Jaxhog · 17/03/2019 16:29

Easy. Tell them youre locking the front door at midnight. Then do it. It may take a week or two to get the message, but they will.

funnelfanjo · 17/03/2019 16:49

Nope, nope, nope. I go to the football with my DH. We’re back home an hour after the match finishes - would be earlier if the parking was better organised.

He’s pretending he’s his sons age again, without any responsibilities. Red flag.

pilates · 17/03/2019 16:53

YANBU
It’s lovely he is spending time with his son but getting pissed every weekend is not on!

mummmy2017 · 17/03/2019 16:54

Tell him since he is such a good dad spending 24 hours with his son, your looking forward to your free time when baby arrives, as you don't want to stop him from his views of how much time he likes to dedecate to each child.

IncrediblySadToo · 17/03/2019 16:55

Very occasionally - fine
Frequently - not fine

Tell him he is a middle aged man making s fool of himself acting like his son’s sibling not his Dad and he either grows up or fucks off. Stop deluding yourself that he’s lovely, he’s not, he doesn’t care about ruining your weekend, interrupting your sleep or the fact you’re carrying his baby

IncrediblySadToo · 17/03/2019 16:56

This isn’t ‘spending time with his son’ it’s going out and getting hammered and acting like HE is 18 again.

StephsCaddy · 17/03/2019 16:56

He’s taking the piss and I can absolutely guarantee that his behaviour will worsen once the baby arrives.

Doobydoobeedoo · 17/03/2019 17:03

How did he spend time with his son before it involved going to the pub and drinking until the early hours?

Nothing you've written about him makes him sound even remotely "kind and caring".

Did you by any chance mean "kind and caring as long as he gets to do exactly as he pleases"?

RomanyQueen1 · 17/03/2019 17:22

yes he is taking the piss, if he wants to see his son on saturday he is able to commit to you sober on sunday.

woollyheart · 17/03/2019 17:25

Is he going through a midlife crisis and thinks his son is his brother?

Moanymoaner123 · 17/03/2019 17:25

Expect it to get worse once the baby arrives. Sorry OP, but pregnancy is when they start to show their true colours and they are often not as nice as you were led to believe.

OlderAussieMum · 18/03/2019 12:25

I feel for you OP

YDNBU, you could go into labour at any time. If this did happen well your DP would not be in any state to drive you to the hospital.

Incidently my first was born at 38+2 weeks and my second bub (now 9 months) was born at 37+4 and arrived within 1 hour.

Luckily I was already in hospital, unluckily my DH didnt even make it out the front door and missed the birth thanks to nursing staff thinking I wasn't in active labour. DH still comments how terrible it felt to not be there and that I had to do it on my own (DH is a gentle soul).

Read your DP the riot act, ask him okay so if I do go into labour who is my support/birthing partner going to be since you obviously will be too inebriated to be there.

Some serious CF there OP, and since he has other children he really should know better at this late stage of pregnancy.

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