To think that her perspective will change now

[TitusAndromedom]

I’m friends on social media with a friend’s wife. I fully admit that I find her very irritating and have often considered hiding her or whatever, but can’t bring myself to look away.

She has a tendency to post very sanctimonious statuses about what people should believe, how they should behave, etc. Last year on Mother’s Day she made a big point of posting about how it is a difficult day for some people who don’t have good relationships with their mothers, and that we should all be mindful of that and sensitive to their pain.

Now, my mum died when I was 19, so I understand why people find the day difficult, but I would never presume to tell other people that they shouldn’t celebrate their relationships with and appreciation for their own mothers just because of my personal situation.

This year, she is pregnant and has been posting about it multiple times per day, including scan photos, the baby’s name, judgments on how other people parent, memes about how to raise children and weekly updates on her baby’s gestation. AIBU to think that it is likely she will be keen to forget about her advice to the rest of us from last year so that she can take part in celebrating her impending motherhood this year and, as a result, is a massive hypocrite?

And yes, I should just unfollow her, but I really just wanted a good moan.

Snooze her for 30 days? then go back for a snoop if/ when you feel up to it! I have an old school friend who was widowed fairly young 5 years ago, and posts multiple times about her loss and everyone clucks round. I've been widowed 4 years longer. I do not post on FB about it- we all have different ways of grieving...- but she knows and has never once extended a kind or empathetic word about my situation. I snooze her quite often- but I DONT go and look back at what i've missed.

I'm with Pictish I could have written that post. Some of my friends on FB are fascinating from a human psychology point of view.

Just hide her posts or snooze them. I've got quite a lot of acquaintances I'm friends with on FB and some of them post constant memes, others post endless rabid stuff about Brexit - both for and against - you get the idea. I don't want to unfriend them so I just hide everything.

It also makes me laugh how many people complain about politicians lying but then lie lie and lie some more on their FB feeds. Like Pictish my FB is deliberately kept grey rock. I have no interest in stirring emotion of any kind in anyone. People I really care about and that care about me know of my plight. I'm glad others are not like me though. Life would be boring and FB would have died on it's arse 18 months in. :)

How dare people change

Suppose it depends how she says this stuff.

I might post something along the lines that I am thinking of those who find today difficult, on Mothers Day or whatever, because I know it is tough for lots of us and it can be comforting to know you're not alone when there's this frenzy of perfect motherly relationships being shoved in your face. But I wouldn't post lectures about how everybody else should do the same, and I would hope I wouldn't come across that way.

I’m not even on FB as I can’t stand it, but i still find it all fascinating (usually via things friends tell me or MN threads!). There have always been preachy hypocrites and show-offs but posting it online non-stop for the world to see is a new level. I can totally imagine being gruesomely compelled and infuriated at the same time.

But as a pp said, the biggest preachers and show-offs are often those who are the most insecure or whose life is a mess. I wouldn’t be mean to her or show her up if she does turn out to be a raging hypocrite about Mother’s Day - just hold your peace from the sidelines.

Facebook can be infuriating and fascinating at the same time. It certainly has its good and bad uses. It certainly helped in the break up of my marriage.
My grown up DD has a friend from childhood who moved to Australia. Her friend's FB posts made my Dd sad as everything seemed so perfect - new house by the beach, baby, husband, the works. A mutual friend went and stayed there for a few weeks and said it was hell - they never went out, child ruled the roost with tantrums and being spoilt, couldn't go to the beach as snakes everywhere. The 'veneer' posted on FB was completely different to real life.

FB is just a snapshot of people's lives. They will only post what they want you to see. Imagine if we all posted our real lives! Mine would be 'Cat shat in the hall again, can't be arsed washing the dishes, picked my nose till it bled, sat consoling my lonely existence with a box of maltesers and a vodka redbull, watching old repeats of Catchphrase from the Roy Walker era on Challenge.'

Just snooze your friend!

I find FB disappointing. You click on the notifications thinking someone is communicating with you but it’ll be something banal.
In the beginning it was exciting to get in touch with old friends. Then it became clear you weren’t actually going to meet up. Or that people would message you, chat and then one day disappear completely. Which wouldn’t happen in real life, the equivalent of walking out of a room mid conversation

Just delete Facebook and spend your time on other things.

It's really nice to not have all the social obligation nonsense that comes with it - I can't delete X because X knows y and it would offend y... Etc. If you don't have Facebook then you are exempt from this crap. You will of course still have to put up with her in real life. I have no easy solution for that...

I might snooze her. It’s a good option.

I very rarely post on Facebook. I belong to some groups, which I find quite useful, but I don’t post much about what’s happening in my life. I think that’s part of why I feel so baffled by this person: I don’t understand the need to post constant updates about even the most banal things. She posts multiple daily photos and videos of her cats, so I can only imagine what it will be like when the baby arrives.

Regarding the Mother’s Day thing, I totally understand that people’s perspectives can change. What annoys me is that the tone with which she posts suggests that we’re all doing it wrong and we should only do it her way. She has taken that same tone on subjects ranging from wearing secondhand clothes to transgender rights to having a gender preference for a baby. I don’t always disagree with her perspective, but it’s the preachy, sanctimonious style that puts me off. I guess I just feel like, if Mother’s Day is difficult and it upsets you to see other people post about their appreciation for their mothers, then don’t go on Facebook for the day. Why tell the rest of us that we can’t enjoy the day however we’d like?

Stop poking yourself in the eye with her FB messages OP. Unfollow her and have one less negative thing in your life.

I have a friend who always posts "happy heavenly birthday" to her parents who have been deceased for 20 years, I just don't get it. Irl she is such a lovely person but it seems a bit attention seeking.