Feeling confused. Women's aid/police etc telling me different things...

[minieggheaven]

I recently used women's aid to leave my ex. They confirmed I was being emotionally abused. Spoken to a solicitor, they also confirmed emotional abuse. Spoke to healthcare visitor who said I was high risk on a risk assessment. All 3 said not to facilitate contact with our baby and ex.

Police officer just came to the house for welfare check, but said that nothing I said seems as though a crime has been committed, that i should try and keep things amicable with my ex, and that if I meet him I should do so somewhere public.

Wtf am I meant to believe now? My head is a complete mess.

Stick with the experts in DV/children law. Ignore the police officer. Go back to WA/solicitor for further advice on your next step.

Some police officers are very good but as an organisation they have a long history of minimising domestic abuse that they’re working to avoid.

Unfortunately emotional abuse isn’t a crime, I don’t think. Whether or not your dh/ex is breaking the law, it seems like he’s a vile rodent who should be exterminated from your life.

The police officer has likely not had any specialist training in this area. The way the police force works now, general police officers don't get the same broad selection of cases anymore, as they are funneled off into the specialist areas.

@AlwaysCheddar it is a crime. Coercive control definitely is. I'm not looking to prosecute him and was simply having a risk assessment and application under Clare's Law done, but he seemed extremely blasé about the whole situation.

It's awful it's made me question myself again when I was finally gaining a bit of confidence re the situation

Agree with pp's, listen to WA and solicitor who have experience of DV and all the information about your case. A visit from the police is bound to shake you up (as ex no doubt intended) but you have committed no crime either so you don't have to take the 'advice' the officer gave you.

It sounds like you have everything under control and are getting support and advice from the right people, just keep doing what you're doing and try not to let his games shake you

Cross posted with you OP, that's exactly what your ex wants and what he intended when he rang the police. Don't let him make you doubt yourself.

I just don't know what to think anymore.

Oh he didn't call the police, my HV told me to as I applied under Clare's Law for info and they did a welfare check.

Don't listen to the Police, make a complaint and the head of the DV se tion will get back to you.

My DD has just been given appalling advice by two particular male Police Officers. They also didn't follow procedures. Luckily the DV Services took it up with the Police and things are now going how they should be.

Listen to WA.

We don’t know what you told the officer, so can’t comment on that.

Stick with the advice given by other agencies

SS will be advising contact soon im sure. I was told my violent ex should be having contact with my DC from a sw as apparently its “in their best interest” despite him not wanting contact. They all contradict themselves to be honest.

HV and police both did the same risk assessment. One came back as standard risk and one came back as high. It's now been referred but the police officer is saying it shouldn't have. I'm so confused and it's just making the whole situation worse

Mini, the assessment will go on to the domestic abuse unit for review, so even if the officer graded you as standard they will look into it and regrade if they don’t agree.

Or at least in my force they do that - review every DV incident/report.

I've just spoken to women's aid who are furious. The way he asked me the questions were wrong. For example he asked me about financial abuse. I answered 'yes' and he said 'yeah but did he actually take control over your accounts?' At which point I said no, but he didn't financially support me even when I wasn't earning, he questioned me about money, had an obsession with money, spent money on his daughter but resented spending on me and withheld money from me during my maternity leave' - he said 'yes but you still had control over your own money so I'd say the answer to this is no'