Typo or humour? Discharge letter from hospital to my GP LIGHTHEARTED!

[AnyWalls]

Anywalls "showed no signs of cognitive impairment. She appeared oriented and a good historian."

For reference, this was after a bang on the head (where I may or may not have fallen over my own feet, whacked my head on the kerb and been treated for concussion).

I have no recollection of reciting historical facts to the doctor lol. Could it be a typo of some sort?

If so, any guesses as to what it's a typo of?

No Ada, but I think Enid Blyton may have borne twins for him.

I'm guessing they meant was "orientated and had good recollection" ? but the shit I've read in medical notes and records you wouldn't believe.

Once read a daily report / handover sheet that asked staff if they would keep a close eye on Mrs Smith cos she "Seems unwell this morning just not herself and looked yellow as a marigold first thing"

Yellow as a marigold!? Heehee
What does that even mean?
Although, me being a good historian makes as much sense to me lol

PMSL Parly - what were you on????????

Yellow as in jaundiced.

Yellow as a marigold in someone's actual notes I belly laughed but had to change it and ask the person to be careful and just mind what they write and why.

Same person wrote on the whiteboard in the office Please stop leaving towels and other linen in such a person's room she keeps putting things up her chuff

Lady did have a habit of sticking the most bizarre things in the holiest of holy places but to write it in huge wording and bright red marker pen like that... Again I laughed but quickly wiped it off and yet again had to go "Erm.. Can I just have a quick word with you? Two minutes?"

That was a note I honestly had to leave for staff when I'd been reviewing and checking everyone's records and care plans.

The stuff they wrote up was just... "WTF???!!" They would routinely fill half a page with shite about the cup of tea someone devoured and not even give an ongoing health problem or other concern a full line.

Yes she loved that cake and had a really nice sweet tea and then she did some reading but she died afterwards. Signed...

I was forever "Can you just backtrack and explain this if you don't mind? Don't care all that much about the tea and the cake and the reading but what's this you briefly mentioned about her being DEAD WHAT ARE YOU HIGH???"

One of the girls scanned and shared it and it has forever stayed out there in the world of "Record keeping 101"

Needing a lift while flying through the window rings a bell.

When I came off the weird drugs (should try to find them on the black market somewhere), I was busy telling my consultant about my 2 children. Both of which I had just rescued - one off the coast of Spain, and one at a service station. They were as real to me as if it had happened. I appeared to have totally forgotten about the one child that I do have! I rang her in fact (don't recall this either), demanding to know how the baby was (apparently I had lost one between unconsciousness and consciousness). She had no idea what to say to me.
I suppose my report wouldn't have described me as a good historian then lol, so maybe I should be proud of this report haha. Could be worse I guess.
Anywalls displays an absolute ignorance of all things historical. Her inability to recall the most basic fact of history points to a deep rooted sdpybiotic asenalis of asdyouif.

*Nobody actually wrote that about someone that died by the way...

It was merely a means of emphasising that the records they keep provide the information for everyone and about everything.

What's down on paper happened. What isn't there didn't happen. No middle ground in the eyes of the law and a ruthless vicious barrister that's out to find fault I'm afraid. I worked for them which is how and why I know

But yeah in case you're thinking someone forgot to mention a death.. no don't worry.

After an anaesthetic I reportedly told the consultant he had seduced rather than sedated me.

Lol, I think medical parlance isn't for everyone.

I recall another GP of mine referring me for something and writing something like - Consumes 10 C2H5 weekly. Google told me what it was I was consuming so much of! (I had presumed it was an abbreviation for chocolate or bad spelling or something).

It's grand if you can figure out that they're writing in code! But being copied on their shit, you take it literally!

*@Anywalls Needing a lift while flying through the window rings a bell.

When I came off the weird drugs (should try to find them on the black market somewhere), I was busy telling my consultant about my 2 children. Both of which I had just rescued - one off the coast of Spain, and one at a service station. They were as real to me as if it had happened. I appeared to have totally forgotten about the one child that I do have! I rang her in fact (don't recall this either), demanding to know how the baby was (apparently I had lost one between unconsciousness and consciousness). She had no idea what to say to me*

I use that sort of example and experience for training staff in dementia and understanding things like Charles Bonnet / how to differentiate between confusion and visual hallucinations only.

Worst thing to say to someone who is having vivid hallucinations or confused to time and place and thinks they are somewhere else is they're talking rubbish.

You could spend forever and a day trying to convince them otherwise but it's neither use nor ornament because it'd be like telling you there's no such thing as "Mumsnet" it's just all in your head and you're going daft in your old age.

You'd end up getting more and more annoyed and worked up because you know full well there's such a thing you're USING IT?!!

I regularly have bizarre bouts of sleepwalking and often wake up thinking I'm somewhere else and it takes a while to come round. Did it a few days ago I'd nodded off on the sofa with the dogs and my daughter came downstairs and must have disturbed me and I shot up bolt upright - shoved the dogs so hard they whizzed through the air and I shouted "MIND THEY'RE GONNA SQUASH IT GET THEM OFF!!"

Took me about a minute or two of my daughter going "MUM YOU'RE DREAMING MUM!!!" then I came round and for some reason had really thought the dogs were sat on a hedgehog and squashing it. Where they came from I have no idea but in that moment there was absolutely a little hedgehog on the sofa and the dogs were gonna kill it. Poor dogs sat there "What did we do?"

Weird how the mind works.

Parly i loved your notes. A Dr was recently asking my elderly father, who has dementia, about his hospital stay. I went to answer and the Dr stopped me so Dad gave him a good account of the Battle of Bannockburn. The Dr would i suppose have written "this pleasant gentleman is an excellent historian but is temporally misplaced".

Ah Charles Bonnet, such a dastardly chap. I had to move a chair today as it was several WW1 officers who wished to do battle.

It's the dream state and reality getting mixed up I suppose. If I end up with dementia, I hope I'm stuck in a happy dream.

Thighofrelief1 Your Dad sounds absolutely lovely. I hope he wins the war!

You should go with him in his imagination (though he may have more important things to be doing than engaging in idle chit chat).

Any i hope so too! We've rehashed where Eden went wrong with Suez most days. I'd welcome a bit of Agincourt for a change. It's when Mum can't find her hearing aids because Dad's wearing 4 rather than 2 that things get awkward.

Intended humour I would say, although there is a time and a place smh.

Aw bless them. They sound adorable.

Parly I love it- the amount of reports I’ve read about what type of biscuit has been enjoyed!!

I still get annoyed by the notes the midwife wrote when dd was born and she's a teenager now!
I went into labour in the early hours with very regular, close together contractions from the start. We were an hour's drive from the hospital so I rang to say we were on our way as I knew things were progressing quickly.
When I was examined the midwife was quite dismissive and said I was in very early labour. After a brief and disastrous attempt at taking a bath I had an overwhelming urge to push. I asked to be checked again and much to the midwife's surprise dd was emerging at speed!
Afterwards I looked at my notes and midwife had written 'encountered patient in corridor and she did not seem to be coping well with pain'.
Feck that - I was minutes away from giving birth with not so much as a paracetamol or a puff of gas. I reckon I was coping admirably. I hadn't even emitted so much as a groan at that stage. Doesn't mention that it my notes though! 😃😄

@thighofrelief101 I'll tell you what your Father sounds right up my street and no two ways. My son is a big military historian and does archery and combat with a medieval reenactment group and anything that sort of subject I'm there.

Used to look after chaps that served in the forces and one was a bomber during the second world war and a bit of a tortured soul so didn't sleep well. The chats he and I had at 2am when he was wide awake and I made us a brew were absolutely amazing. He was shot down twice, picked up the first time, nearly got away the second time but was captured and a PoW with stories you'd think too far fetched if they were in a movie.

A lady I looked after in the late 90's had her Dad's photograph and medals for his time served in the Calvary. He served and taught soldiers to ride and went out to oversee everything on the front, would re-train and rehab horses on the front. She herself used to train the young lads how to drive and service / fix and repair tanks as they went. Tiny little thing terribly well spoken and very awfully and there she was rolling up her sleeves and showing the lads how to use a spanner and get a tank going again under heavy fire.

Amazing.

Also CBS is the most amazing, incredible thing in the world isn't it? Still relatively unknown and regularly misdiagnosed it's a genuine breath of fresh air for someone to know and understand it.

You get cake and cup of tea for that

Parly luckily Dad got CBS before dementia so we/he had time to get used to the visions - Dad calls them ethereal images.

I think Dad's just doing what he wants now, talking about historical battles, telling policemen to fuck off and singing Scotland the Brave loudly. I just join in everything legal.

Heres my embarrassing medical story

As a student I was working on a children's ward I was asked to go in and check on the neurological condition of a patient I did the obs asked the right questions and shared a knowing look with the parents when the patient started talking about giant pink rabbits! Market the chart ok but hallucinations still present (expected due to drugs given) And left the room a job well done. 5 mins later a giant pink rabbit walked past me because it's near Easter in a children's ward.....lucky the parents/doctors saw the funny side but you bet I'm ultra careful documenting things 20 years later