Child free event

[namechangingforobvsreasons]

Is it unreasonable to expect people to book a babysitter for a few hours. Even If it's a daytime event?

It’s totally reasonable to have a child free event,

But you also must expect that some people will decline because they are unable or unwilling to arrange suitable childcare

There are all sorts of reasons why someone wouldn't be able to "just get a babysitter"

I work full time and my only real time with my kids is on the weekend. There are very, very few things that I want to do enough to give up a morning or afternoon with them. Maybe two or three times a year. That's why my friends and I have girls nights out after the kids are in bed, when our DHs are at home.

Its often harder to get a daytime babysitter as most professional sitters have another job, and teens will have things on. Plus asking someone to sit for awake children is harder

Depends what it is surely? Most people have a limited budget (either financial or of good will of family) for babysitters. If a close friend was having a formal wedding yes I'd hire a babysitter. If someone kept arranging child free events in the middle of the day on a Saturday I'd probably just politely decline we like to spend weekends together where possible.

It's someone who can afford a babysitter.
The rest of the attendees (including me) are not bringing their children and have clearly managed to sort something out.
It's not often this group of people get to meet up. It's for a special occasion. I just think it's a bit selfish to demand that you bring your child when others are not. And were looking forward to having a child free event.
But maybe that's unreasonable?

Unreasonable to expect it yes. Not unreasonable to ask.

Just because someone can afford one, doesn't mean they would be ok with it.
If I couldn't get any family to look after my child I wouldn't leave him with an unknown babysitter.

I just think it's a bit selfish to demand that you bring your child when others are not.

It is. You either get a baby sitter or don't go.

In that case she should skip the event.

So in that case they shouldn't come.

She should skip out.

I think it still depends - how old is the child? (A breastfed newborn is different from a boisterous two year old). Has she literally demanded or asked if it would be OK. If it was very clearly a childfree event I wouldn't even ask to bring my DC to be fair. I'd either find a sitter or if I couldn't/didn't want to I'd explain that I had childcare issues so sadly couldn't come.

How old is the child? What’s the event?

They are unreasonable to expect to bring a child when it's explicitly a childfree event. If they can't get a babysitter or family can't help, or they just can't bear to leave them, well it's just tough shit sometimes with kids. Oh the other hand, you're unreasonable to expect someone to be able to sort out care. Sometimes it's just not possible.

Not a newborn.

Well you said the other option is to get their other half to step up. Why isn’t this the first option? Surely that’s the default - if one parent has plans the other cares for the child

Well no then, they should just not go. They shouldn’t be taking their child to a child free event. What have you said to them?

I wouldn’t expect to bring my kids to a child free event so I would decline the invite if I couldn’t get a babysitter.

At weekends I have one person (my mum) that I can call on for babysitting if my DH is at work. She does childcare for us during the week so I very, very rarely ask her for help at weekends too. If I did ask, it would have to be for a very special occasion, AND one that I really wanted to go to, AND i’d have to know about it at least a month in advance in case my mum had other plans. We’ve never paid for a babysitter yet, our kids are 4 and 1 and I don’t feel comfortable leaving them with a stranger yet.

I think it's perfectly reasonable to have a childfree event, as long as you accept that it means people may then not be able to attend.

Blithely bringing your PFB to an expressly childfree event is hugely unreasonable and rude.

A lunch or whatever with my mates becomes a totally different thing if people bring their kids. I mean we do that a lot and it's fine, but if you're expecting a proper grown up afternoon and a couple of toddlers turn up it's shit. Especially, as you say, if I've gone to some effort and expense myself to sort out childcare.

It depends. If it is a babe in arms then that is different to a toddler or older.

Maybe they just don’t want to go and are using it as an excuse?

They should either leave the kids with their other parent or not go.

You're being too vague. Would the child be massively upset if left with a stranger?

I just think it's a bit selfish to demand that you bring your child when others are not.

Yes, she should just not come.

If it's a no kids even and you can't find childcare you don't go.

I've missed weddings, school events, not been able to get my hair done etc because I haven't been able to find childcare.

Taking kids to a child free event is bang out of order.