To expect to not be brushed off by a close friend for a night out because she has now decided that the 'break' she was having from her partner is now 'unbroken'

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Due to go out this Friday with a friend. She has been and can be rather selfish. We did fall out earlier in the year when she tried to attack one of our friends (long story but I've stayed away from her because I didn't agree with the way she treated people.)

Now I'm no fool and appreciate that leopards never change their spots. However, we were due to go out for a drink on Friday. She has got this hideous new bloke who is a complete waste of space, drinks and smokes far too much. His house is gross and filthy and he spends much of his money on coke (cocaine) I don't like him and I think he's a bad influence, but that's another story. Anyway, they were on a 'break' because she was fed up with his behaviour. She was all set to walk away but it now appears they are back as a happy couple again (until the next drunken row.) And she has said she now can't make it out for our drink on Friday as she is going out for a meal with his parents and if she doesn't go she won't hear the end of it.

I did actually reply back to her text (yes she didn't say it to my face) and said that I didn't like being given the brush off over plans that we have had for the last week because he has decided that she should go for a meal with his parents.

Am I being unreasonable? Sorry for the rant but I'm so hacked off. I don't get out much and as most of my friends are single I rarely get invited because I can't make it most of the time.

On another note, I just feel like I'm wasting my time. This 'friend' obviously hasn't changed and is still as selfish as she always was

hmmmmm.....if she was going to ditch you she might at least have spoken to you on the phone...

Book yourself a fab Friday night. Nice food, tv, magazines, do your nails, etc etc. Oh, and forget to reply when she nexts texts you.

What are her good points? What about her makes you enjoy her company? Because it doesn't even sound like you much like her. If that's the case, maybe it's time to wave byebye and move on. Some people just aren't worth it.

If it was a long term partner who was treating her right then i would say you were but as he sounds like a fruit and nut bar, I would say no. However, I would also say they sound like they deserve each other and you deserve better friends

Lisa

mytwopenceworth,

Because she is a family member and I don't have many friends! Lots and lots of acquaintances though!

Why are you wasting your time with her? She clearly doesn't deserve a friend like you! I have a (now) non-friend who did the exact same thing, there was a group of 5 of us, 3 married, 1 engaged and she was single. She bemoaned her single status, we helped cheer her up went out with her whenever she wanted. Next thing she knows she finds herself a bloke and we don't exist any more. So we don't bother with her.

I think you are a bit.

In that, if she was a really good friend, then, you'd be pleased that she was taking the step of meeting his parents for dinner etc.

If a good friend cancelled for such a thing, then, I'd be disappointed that I wasnt going out, rather than annoyed at her, because for her to cancel it must be important.

So, either she's a good friend and thus has a good reason, or, she's not a good friend, and, it seems you are both using each other for companionship.

if you have a sitter/partner lined up, then i would go and do something i wanted to do - see a film my partner doesn't like the look of, e.g. Then i wd still be annoyed with the friend but not upset at missing my night out, which wd reduce the stress. Coudl even invite an acquaintance or 3 along with you.

Very annoying sounding friend - no doubt she will be back when Lover Boy reveals that he is exactly the same as he always was.

VVV, she meet his parents many times before. When I say new, I mean the beginning of the year.

It's never easy to explain an entire relationship in one thread is it!?

It's not the first time she's organised to go out with me and then passed me up for a better offer.

No, it isnt easy

Just the way you said that you didnt have many friends, and that she was, in fact, family, made me wonder how much you valued her.

I don't hold her in as much esteem as I used to, primarily because she has spent so many years using me and other people. I did however, used to see past that because I have always looked out for her and she has always heavily relied upon me emotionally. You know, she makes a mess, I clear up after her. I have probably been my own worst enemy for making quite so many allowances for her behaviour over the years.

I'm more disappointed in the fact it has happened again (me being given the brush off / her being self-centred) than I am about actually going out for the evening.

She'll be back crying on your shoulder before too long if it all goes wrong again - it's up to you if you let her. Let her have her bloke whilst you do something for you this Friday night.

i think the real answer is to make new mates from your aquaintances

i think it then would not be a big deal and the fact that she is flaky would not matter so much - shes not going to change and why should she - we are all different

i would give her a break (your text back made your point so no need to mention it again) but try to invite other people out instead - mums from school/toddler group etc

one of my favourite friends always cancels things and never arranges things but she is like it with everyone but is great when she does go out - so i just make sure i have other mates too!