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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be feeling a bit bloody miffed!

43 replies

CustardCream114 · 14/03/2019 11:55

Hi! Namechanged as my other posts could make this outing!

I'm just having a whinge..

I'm very new to working out, I hate it, I can't get motivated. Until the last couple of weeks. I stopped going after work when it was super busy and started going early. Getting up at 5.30am instead of 7am. I've been loving it, I feel energised all day and really enjoy the quietness in the mornings. I feel confident enough to use various pieces of equipment and there are no queues for things!

My DP (lived together almost 6 years now) comes to bed very late. Usually wakes me up for a cuddle and to say goodnight, so my sleep is broken but I nod back off after around 20 minutes. I go to bed at 10/10.30pm, he follows at anything up to 2am (!).

I changed my working hours last year from 8-4 to 9-5 because I was disturbing him in the morning, and he couldn't get back to sleep. I hate leaving at 5pm as traffic is a nightmare, and a usual 20 minute drive takes up to an hour. But, compromise and all that..

Well, he was really keen on me getting to the gym. He exercises at home and loves sport. I am lucky to be naturally slim but I would like to tone/build muscle and improve my health. He always comments on how my legs are getting bigger and I should do something before it's 'too late'.

I've been told today that the early morning sessions aren't going to work long term, as he can't get back to sleep after I get up (I have a silent alarm and try not to wake him, but I sleep on the side of the bed up against the wall - suggested swapping but he said would make no difference!). He said I need to go after work. I explained all the reasons not to, reminded him of the cancelled membership when I thought that was my only choice (and that was when I finished at 4pm!).

I am really pissed off. I support everything he wants to do, put myself out to fit in with his choices. Yet he can't support this?

FWIW he is self employed and works from home, so doesn't have a regimented start time. I usually hear from him around 9.30am so I assume that's when he's getting up..

AIBU to be really put out by this?

OP posts:

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 14/03/2019 12:39

Move the bed so that neither of you are up against the wall?

Honestly, he's so selfish! You're only actually in the same bed for a few hours as he goes to bed so flipping late. Would drive me nuts.

Stop putting yourself out to fit around his needs. Your needs and wants are valid too.

MzHz · 14/03/2019 12:49

He could come to bed at a normal time and not disturb you as much as he does when he comes for a cuddle at 2FUCKINGam!

He used to play music loud at midnight? When you were sleeping? Or trying to? Wtf planet is this idiot on?

You aren’t suited, you’ve come as far as you can together, you’re now insulting your own intelligence by staying in this set up.

He isn’t compromising a bit! He won’t ever change love, bail out now!

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/03/2019 12:52

Why is it all about him?

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 14/03/2019 12:58

You had to change your working hours because of him not liking being woken up?!
This is all about him and his control. He's a negative, nasty selfish bastard. Why on earth are you wasting your life (which he likes to make miserable and denigrate you about) with him?!

EerieSilence · 14/03/2019 13:24

TBH, the best diet step for you would be dumping him. Lots of pounds shed, benefits immense.
He's an abusive twat.

Shoxfordian · 14/03/2019 13:27

He sounds like a knob
Why are you ok with being a second class citizen in your house?

KitKatCHA · 14/03/2019 13:30

Why are you pussyfooting around this prick? He sounds like a horrible, controlling man and you would likely be better off without him.

Floralhousecoat · 14/03/2019 13:33

Why is it upto HIM whether you sleep in separate rooms? Do what suits YOU, he's suiting himself.

I would not put up with being woken up at 2am by anyone other a baby. He's a controlling selfish man who thinks he's more important than you.

Chloemol · 14/03/2019 13:38

So he can wake you up but you can’t wake him, he wants you to change your hours to suit him, he wants you to go to the gym, he thinks you legs are getting fact, see the correlation? HIM. All his way

Get rid

gamerchick · 14/03/2019 13:39

Howay man lass, why does he get to call all the shots, he's not your lord and master? stand up for yourself. You don't need his permission to do anything that makes your life easier.

Glittertwins · 14/03/2019 13:44

I go to the gym early morning - it's lovely and quiet and I definitely feel better starting the day. I agree with what a PP said - go early, change your work hours back to suit you and then put your feet up in the evening

Applesaregreenandred · 14/03/2019 14:03

I'm guessing from what you've said that you don't have DC.

Obviously your business if you are planning DC or not - but if you are - have a think as to how how you would both cope with the broken nights and whether you think it would work with this person.

ThreeBagsFullofWool · 14/03/2019 18:26

Ugh, he's a selfish arse. He doesn't sound like longterm material so I'm baffled as to why you've been with him 6 years.

This isn't a man you want to be with the rest of your life or have kids with.

Whatsnewpussyhat · 14/03/2019 18:36

So any suggestion or solution is no good for him? Selfish prick.
He doesn't give a fuck about you, your feelings or opinions.

Don't have kids with this dickhead. He'll never do a night feed or care that you haven't slept for days etc as long as he does.

And why the fuck do you allow him to wake you up at daft o clock?!

Pursefirst · 14/03/2019 18:39

Jesus Christ OP, please have my first ever (iirc) LTB!

YouTheCat · 14/03/2019 18:52

Get rid! What an absolute joke! You know if you ask him to come to bed earlier, he'll still come up later than you and wake you. He doesn't give a shit. He says derogatory things about your body and he expected you to change your working hours to suit him. He's an utter knob.

Original poster

CustardCream114 · 15/03/2019 09:56

@Pursefirst, thank you, I am honoured!

We don't have DC, no. I have secondary ovarian failure so it would be very unlikely to be on the cards anyway.

Ours is more a relationship of convenience now, though I feel it hit the end of it's round around a year or so ago. The majority of the time things are comfortable, so we just end up staying put. Generally we get on well, but occasions like this show how totally different we are. I will do what I can to support and compromise, he won't.

We didn't discuss it yesterday, and I am going to my mum's for the weekend, but I will tell him when I am back that actually morning work outs work better for me. And that's that. All I do is get up in the morning - I get ready in the living room and am gone in about 20 minutes, I am certain, 100%, he nods back off after that (I don't even say goodbye! We live in a bungalow, bedroom by the front door).

He actually came to bed at the same time as me last night - first time ever I think! I will also ask him not to wake me when he comes to bed..! Hadn't realised to be honest how odd it was to have such different sleeping habits!

OP posts:

burritofan · 15/03/2019 10:08

He's a cockend.

It's not odd to have different sleeping habits but what you're doing (changing your work hours?!) isn't compromise. I go to bed really early, DP goes to bed late. If he wants to say goodnight & have a cuddle, he does it at my bedtime, not his. And he gets up for work at 6am and I lump it because that's the time he needs to get up for work. Staggered by him asking you to change work or gym hours! Let alone the leg remark

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