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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think that dating in your 40's is non existent?

46 replies

Lostalot · 13/03/2019 22:29

Just that really. Worked myself up to OLD after years being single. I think i am at least average in looks department. I have 'liked' a few people,though no response / nothing is happening!! Just a few older by at least 10years men have expressed any interest. i would really like someone around my own age tbh..
If you have met someone in your 40's plus who was nice and normal where/how did you meet?

OP posts:

Original poster

Lostalot · 13/03/2019 22:55

64 this sounds interesting - i am wondering now what the event was!! This is a preferable way of meeting someone i think, but i am OLD to increase my current next to nothing chances/opportunities.

OP posts:

Original poster

Lostalot · 13/03/2019 22:59

Nice to hear there are a few positive stories.
Yes you would think there is the best chance in London though I've heard mixed things about that.
I am in big northern city - not sure -we will see!

OP posts:

64sNewName · 13/03/2019 23:02

I remember working (as an junior assistant) with an author years ago who didn’t want to give us his real age on the pointless marketing department questionnaire as it was a closely guarded secret because, as he explained to me, he preferred to date younger women and didn’t want word to get out.

As if we were going to put his date of birth on the book cover or something. And he was so obviously pushing fifty anyway.

Anyway yes - middle-aged men can be odd online!

TwoRoundabouts · 13/03/2019 23:05

@MondeoFan do you know me?

OP myself and lots of my friends have long term partners from OLD in our 40s. The men are up to 10 years older.

In my case I went out with guys up to 6 years younger and a year older before I met my partner who is the same age. Oddly older men decided I tampered with my pictures to make myself look younger so I didn't date any.

Anyway the trick is just to date as many people as possible and have fun.

Original poster

Lostalot · 13/03/2019 23:12

Yes seems to be a numbers game.
Two - where are you and your friends based?

OP posts:

Missingstreetlife · 13/03/2019 23:17

Think it's easier, better to meet people through shared activity, mutual interest and get to know them a bit. What happened to flirting?

hotmessmom82 · 13/03/2019 23:22

I did go on pof a few years. Single parent with 2 under 5. I was 34 and I met someone 23. Never ever thought it would go anywhere but we have been together happily nearly 3 years now.

HelenaDove · 14/03/2019 00:10

A young bloke i know (26) has just moved in with his 46 year old girlfriend. They have been dating since late November. So the unexpected can happen.

HelenaDove · 14/03/2019 00:10

They met in RL not via a dating site.

Moanranger · 14/03/2019 00:18

Try Meet Ups in your area also. They are not about dating, but I met my partner that way (after 60) & quite a few people connect thru Meet Ups. That way, you can interact with someone over time & in a group setting.

RikoBitch · 14/03/2019 07:08

48 year old here living near London. I'm using Bumble and POF. I do get some matches but not many. I'm really fussy thought. I've been on some dates but not many second dates

MondeoFan · 14/03/2019 07:12

The site I used was eharmony

Mine wasn't a 100% success story as we met at 41 I was pregnant at 42 and he left when I was 7 months pregnant. No contact now
Also when we met he said he was single then he changed it to still living with someone but completely separated then I found out that was all lies too

Avallamp · 14/03/2019 07:25

Blokes view here. Don't just like someone's profile, actually send a message saying hello or something interesting.
Contrary to popular belief most messages that men send go ignored, and the ratio of men to women in these sites could be as much as 10:1. A message from a woman would definitely stand out (bumble is great for that!)

Also, I'm not certain about blokes always wanting someone much younger - I'm 40s, and would want someone at a similar life stage and experiences as me. Don't know any of my friends who've met someone much younger via OLD either.

Agree with meet ups for just getting out there and meeting people over a shared activity - even if you don't meet someone to date, it'll make you a more rounded person and broaden your social circle.

IrenetheQuaint · 14/03/2019 08:35

I got quite a few dates with fellow 40-somethings via Guardian Soulmates, but I found most of them dull or stuck in their ways, with very fixed views about what they wanted... Which is probably true for me too!

Original poster

Lostalot · 14/03/2019 08:42

Yes I am fussy too!
Aval - interesting to have male perspective too. I do think I need to be a bit more active eg. messaging people.
Mondeo - I met my ex h OLD and here I am again two kids later!! Got a lot more interest back then though!!

OP posts:

malificent7 · 14/03/2019 08:42

Lots of younger men actually love older women....experience you see.

John470322 · 14/03/2019 09:53

I met a few ladies on OLD when I was in my 50s. I have now been married for 15 years to one of them. She is the same age as me.
It can work so don't give up.

ibelieveinangels · 14/03/2019 11:13

I started OLD 2 years ago, went on about 8 dates before meeting my now boyfriend and we have been together 18 months. We are both in our 40's .

goodgirlinchachaheels · 14/03/2019 11:19

I have no problems. Met last partner on OLD, am back on it and I get lots of matches.

Rememberallball · 14/03/2019 11:19

DH and I met almost 5 years ago via OLD using PoF website. Had a few disasterous chat encounters and was trolled by one person changing their name almost daily (or setting up a new profile daily where the only difference was the user name) who was nothing like the sort of person I was interested in meeting. DH came up as a ‘Top Prospect’ match on their app, which I’d never seen before, wasn’t exactly my type but I’d been blown out by someone I’d gone on a couple of dates with so was a bit ‘what the heck’ and got in touch. Rest is history - married 3 1/2 years now and expecting twins!!

MistressDeeCee · 14/03/2019 14:28

Dating in 40s wasn't non-existent for me because I maintained a good social life. I have a hobby. & also like a nice wander around the city when the weather's good.

Met my DP when I was 50 we've been together almost 6 years now. He's 8 years older than me. Not sure that counts as older men wanting younger women really, but some of these stats are designed to sound so defeatist. As if older women have no chance.

There's a lot I read on the internet that doesn't translate to real life at all. I don't personally know any men who are with women years younger than them. I know of 1 friend of a friend who is.

I do know people who seem to have made the internet their reality even if it doesn't correlate with who and what they know and see in the real world

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