Shithole

[ParcelForce24]

He's untidy.

He's owned a few big chores which he does well and without fail plus some others which he'll do in a sudden whirlwind when people are coming round. He's definitely not all bad.

But he'll walk over/past things the kids have strewn all over - I swear he's totally oblivious. The car is a shithole. Our bedroom is a shithole with his clothes all over the place. The kids rooms are shitholes a lot of the time until I tidy them because he never does. I don't like living in a shithole. I don't like driving in a skip.

I'm busy (but clearly with the time to post on MN ha!) he's busy. I feel I do more than half of keeping on top of what I do and I'm not picking up his shit so that just lies there.

And I nag. And nag and moan. To the point of annoying him. Now I feel like my nagging is worse than his untidiness.

We just had a massive row about it. He's not going to change is he. I love him to bits and can't possibly imagine being alone or with someone else, just because of his untidiness, but aaaagh!

He's owned a few big chores which he does well and without fail plus some others which he'll do in a sudden whirlwind when people are coming round ... But he'll walk over/past things the kids have strewn all over - I swear he's totally oblivious.

Do you have different ideas of what's acceptable tidiness or does he like it tidy just as much as you and is just used to you doing the detail?

If you both work the same sort of hours then you have to sit down and work out a rota which pleases both of you.

Seperate houses? Works for people. Or bedroom then at least your sleeping space is tidy.

That level of filth and chaos is very damaging to your mental health and a horrible environment in which to raise children. I'm sure this isn't the example you want to give them in regards to healthy living.

I don't know what you can do about your husband's attitude, but you can try to take some control over the situation. Grab some bin bags and clean the car. Don't ask your husband, just do it. Gather all your strength and clean the house. Bin any useless tat you don't need. It's an awful situation but something has to be done. Do you have any friends who might be able to help you?

Personally speaking i know i'm a bit OTT when it comes to certain parts of housework and i need the house looking just so to be content. There are certain jobs i HATE doing (mostly not daily things), DH is happy to do them, so that's how we roll. He does the stuff i hate. I do the stuff i need doing right

What "filth" aquamarine?

@BarbarianMum

The car is a shithole. Our bedroom is a shithole with his clothes all over the place. The kids rooms are shitholes a lot of the time until I tidy them because he never does. I don't like living in a shithole. I don't like driving in a skip.

Sounds like filth to me. But perhaps to you this is completely normal and acceptable.

Get a cleaner?

Messiness is not filthiness

Sounds exactly like my DP. He'll do a big job now and then like paint something or deep clean a room, then nothing for a couple of months. Never occurs to him to pick up the kids stuff, make the bed, throw empty bottles out of the shower, put empty loo rolls in the bin, put his clothes away, nothing. Im like King Canute trying to hold back the tide of mess.
We've had more rows about this than i can count. Ive accepted now that he's fully cooked at 46, and will never change.
Its either get rid of him or put up with it. Ive chosen to put up with it as on balance he's good man with a lot of good points and im sure he'd have a few complaints about me if you asked him. I do still get really frustrated and blow up from time to time, but no, it wont change.

Messiness is not filthiness

^^ Exactly this.

How old are the kids?

I'd put all his dirty clothes in bin bags and leave them for him to wash (My do does his own washing). Apart from that though, it's no great problem just doing a bit of tidying up when you see it needs doing, surely?

Pay someone to do it. A lot less stressful

The usual MN answer ‘get a cleaner’ 😂😂

Mess is not bad, dirt is not good .
Refuse to sleep in the bedroom until he picks up his clothes, ffs he is not a child.

Just today up after yourself and the kids , wash your plates and literally leave all of his stuff. He’ll have to do it eventually or disappear under his own shite

*tidy!

maddie did you miss the pp who suggested buying another house?

maddie did you miss the pp who suggested buying another house?

😂😂