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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave my partner

28 replies

ashleighsmilie88 · 13/03/2019 10:54

So I'm 16 weeks pregnant and have a 3yo. My partner and I have been together for nearly 5 years with many ups and downs. He's been caught out messaging women, joining dating sites and some domestic abuse thrown in. We split for a few months but got back together but still ended up with the same issues again. I don't really trust him and he is aware of this, I'm unhappy in this relationship and I'm pretty sure he is too.

Now the main point of the post, we've been discussing maternity leave and he refuses to allow me to take the whole 9 months as he says we can't afford it, in my opinion I feel we would be able to find a way to manage.
I'm now at the point where I feel like my happiness means nothing to him and I genuinely feel I would be happier living alone with the two children than staying in a house I don't like, a relationship that is beyond messed up and a worry that my mental health will deteriorate.

So would I BU to cut my losses in this relationship and go it alone?

Sorry for the very long post I just feel a little lost and confused at the minute

TIA

OP posts:
PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 13/03/2019 10:57

Forget the maternity leave question - I cant understand why you are with a bloke who knocks you around.

Leave and dont look back.

Jupiters · 13/03/2019 10:57

Cut your losses and leave him.

MummyStruggles · 13/03/2019 11:09

Leave him.

Easterbunnyiscomingsoon · 13/03/2019 11:12

Yabu to stay.
Your dc deserve a violence - free life /home.
If your dc discloses anything to an adult /nursery - you risk Ss in your life and you explaining why you are still with him....

SunburstsOrMarbleHalls · 13/03/2019 12:07

LTB without a backwards glance.

You and your children deserve to have a happy life.

This man is a violent, cheating, disrespectful, controlling arse. He is setting a terrible example of how to behave in a functioning, healthy adult relationship and your children could be affected by his actions.

Look at it another way - If your children found themselves in a relationship like this in the future what would your advice to them be?

stressedbeyond123 · 13/03/2019 12:10

I think you know what the right thing to do is.

Leave him, and be happy x

CaseofEllen · 13/03/2019 12:22

You sound unhappy so leave him. Also, domestic violence? Definitely, without a doubt leave him!

dangermouseisace · 13/03/2019 12:30

Run and don’t look back.

10IAR · 13/03/2019 12:34

DV was a tiny part of your post, when in actual fact financial abuse is part of it too.

I wanted to leave XH and everyone told me not to decide when I was pregnant blah blah.

Go, leave and don't look back.

Ragnarthe · 13/03/2019 12:36

LTB.
He is not a good person and he will never change.

CouldntThink · 13/03/2019 12:49

DV? LTB, for you and your children’s sake. They don’t need to be brought up in that environment. Regardless of how long ago it was.

ADHMeeee · 13/03/2019 12:51

Of course you can leave him and you will definitely be better off without him.

Been there, done that. One of the best things I've done.

Merryoldgoat · 13/03/2019 13:19

Why would you stay?

You are exposing your children to violence that will have a lasting effect on them and their future relationships.

TheBouquets · 13/03/2019 13:22

Leave him. You (and the DCs) dont need that crap

IJustLostTheGame · 13/03/2019 13:42

He's been abusive, violent, cheated on you, and you are wondering whether he cares about your happiness?
No.
He doesn't.
And he won't.
Not ever.
Leave

WeepingWillowWeepingWino · 13/03/2019 13:44

why on earth are you having another child with this charmer? I know it's too late now but I just don't get why women have children with these appalling men.

Leave. Of course you should.

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/03/2019 13:49

You'd be unreasonable to stay.

TacoLover · 13/03/2019 13:59

Leave him. And get better contraception ffs. Children deserve a nice life without being in such a toxic household. If you're not prepared to give them that then don't have children.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 13/03/2019 14:11

Agree with everyone else. Please don't raise your children in an abusive, violent home.

Run for the hills.

HollowTalk · 13/03/2019 14:16

Now's the time to go or to tell him to go, OP. This man is awful and will make your life a misery.

capaciousbladder · 13/03/2019 14:31

I've no idea why you would choose to have children with someone who has no respect for you, bullies you and generally treats you with contempt. Now he is telling you that he is not prepared to support you financially while you care for his baby.
Being a single mum will be difficult. However, you will not be betrayed, lied to or beaten. Your children will not grow up thinking that is normal behaviour. Sorry if that's not what you wanted to hear, but I think your life will be better without him playing the part of abusive, domineering partner in it.

ThreeBagsFullofWool · 13/03/2019 14:35

He's a douchebag...he only cares about his happiness. LEAVE. And don't give the baby his surname.

M4J4 · 13/03/2019 14:38

What was the domestic abuse, as that seems to be minimised in the post.

Now the main point of the post, we've been discussing maternity leave and he refuses to allow me to take the whole 9 months as he says we can't afford it, in my opinion I feel we would be able to find a way to manage.

Please don't tell me he is expecting you to pay nursery fees out of your wages instead of sharing them with you based on how much you both earn?

And please don't tell me you would still be expected to do the bulk of housework, childcare, bursary pick ups and drop offs when you go back to work?

M4J4 · 13/03/2019 14:39

*nursery not bursary!

Seniorschoolmum · 13/03/2019 14:39

Leave him. What kind of a man tries to limit his wife’s maternity leave? And dv too?

You and your dcs will be better off without him.

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