To be worried about DC having unsupervised contact with ex?

[zunshine]

I left him nearly two years ago after years of emotional abuse which did become physical on numberous occasions. We have two DC ages 4 and 6 and he's taken me to court in order to have contact with them, which has been supervised contact for an hour every two weeks for the last few months. This is now going to move on to unsupervised. Although it's been going well apparently I'm still concerned for DC, he'd often get angry at them for small things, I don't think he should be trusted alone with them but everyone involved is shrugging it because he's been fine the whole 7 hours he has spent with them

Bump

Unfortunately it doesn't sound like there is much you can do if it's court ordered.

Was he ever abusive to your children? What is it that you are concerned about exactly?

Not physically but he often made them upset by shouting at them and would say horrible things about me to them. I'm worried he's going act like that towards them as no one is around to stop him

The supervised contact was testing the waters to check he would establish a regular visitation pattern while in a controlled environment. I would imagine each stage will gradually increase with the aim of every other weekend overnight access (unless he petitions the court for more). I say this not to worry you but so that you are prepared that this current access may possibly increase.

I understand your fear but at the moment he appears to be towing the line. Unfortunately you also have to be seen to be willing to facilitate this process which is very distressing and upsetting as he abused you. No court will forever deny him unsupervised access unless it is deemed that there is a reasonable risk that your children will be harmed. Frustratingly shouting at them can be explained away as them behaving unruly and he may try to deny he has ever called you horrible names so there are no real grounds at present to stay on supervised access.

He absolutely should not be calling you any names in front of the DC and if he reverts back to this behaviour he should be reprimanded for it as it it emotionally damaging. You should mention this as a very specific concern to your solicitor and CAFCAS officer so it can be addressed directly.

You should definitely stay aware of how the children are on their return from their father and if they show any signs of distress. This is tricky as you do not want to be seen as "quizzing" the children about their time with their father. If he has shouted at them was this for genuine misbehaving and was his response proportionate and measured, or was it a display of aggressive behaviour for no reason other than to frighten the children. If so report any worrying behaviour to your solicitor.

Do you expect him to never have supervised contact? Im sorry but thats extreme. They are his children aswell so he is going to get unsupervised at some point.

I know he will but it's still difficult to trust him