To not understand if there’s a concern or not about daughter?

[MaidofMuswell]

I’ve got a diagnosis of postnatal anxiety and OCD and have started sertraline but not really kicked in yet.. The HV has come round today and asked about all my concerns and referred me to some sort of clinic I’ve not heard of where they observe you with your baby. Sounds potentially helpful as might well be am doing things wrong with her but am worried is bevahse they think there’s something wrong with her they need to pick up on. I didn’t really think anything honestly wrong with dd at all but was asked what the triggers were for my anxiety so explained that although dd now 8w smiling earlier at 6w than ds did (got all the photos) she tends to do a big one ie full mouth open and gummy staring at you one a day or so but not every day and then lots of half smaller ones in between when just smiley rather than grinning. When Ds started he was grinning loads so feels quite different - she’s super alert and think just watching her too closely as currently mad and post hospital experience etc. I don’t really understand the clinic we’ve been referred to though as had thought was being referred for counselling but is not that and am worried the HV may think there’s an issue. Does this sound like anxious paranoia or anything to worry about?

She's perfect OP . What everyone else said!

Did you take those photos? First, that is one gorgeous baby. Second, if you did, that eye contact and grin say to me that is one contented little girl! Look at the way she's looking at you!!

Like PP I'm sure this clinic is just to look after you - certainly not to be concerned about the baby's smile. Or her cheeks! Look at those cheeks!

Congrats OP - you grew a good 'un. Hope you're on the up really soon.

Oh OP, as someone who has come out the other side of postnatal OCD I get you completely. My intrusive thoughts were about my DS's health and I can just imagine the thoughts about your little girl's smile going around your head. Honestly she sounds fine. My advice is to just go along to the clinic and see what it's all about, too often women are just put on medication without being offered any therapy, my DS was closer to a year before I finally heard back about CBT so grab whatever help you can. For me, the OCD began to subside around the 7-8 month mark and 18 months on my mental health has thankfully recovered. Hope you feel better soon OP OCD is awful, I wouldn't wish it on anybody.

The HV will absolutely not be concerned about her smiling pattern at 8 weeks old. She sounds absolutely fine. The clinic will be to help you, not because she has any concerns about your daughter’s development.

What a beautiful baby! Please try and relax, I can hear in your posts you are very anxious and other thinking it all. Go to the clinic and engage. Enjoy your baby. Sorry you've had a rough start, things will get better. Eat well, rest and sleep. Be kind to yourself. Take support that is offered. This too shall pass.

I have a special needs child, and so have become aware of many early signs, and hand on heart your baby displays no worrying signs whatsoever.

Lots of babies don’t even smile for ages so your baby is right on track!

Your anxiety I can identify with. You will have heightened concerns, don’t be overly worried, just let them float around and they will disperse gradually like bubbles over your head. It’s great you got help, it’s great you are being observed and not just left alone.

Everything you are doing is great and she is doing looks healthy, normal, fine and happy.

I could have written your story...i am a worrier & have been diagnosed with anxiety many years...I carried strep b in pregnancy and at 8 days old my son had a bad turn...He was treated for meninjitus although never confirmed he had it...And when we got home i was a wreck...taking his tempurature multiple times a day.Having nightmares he was yellow in colour...or covered in blisters...i had a dream i was blind and lost him in my bed?!...And it just carried on throughout the day...I convinced myself he didnt look at me enough & "looked right through me" He vomitted all the time & was told milk allergy...then reflux...(But i had googled effects of strep b/meninjitus) and out came the "symptoms" of cerbral palsy...Convinced myself he had it and took him to A&E at 5 weeks demanding "help" and a paediatric doctor clicked infront of his face for all of 2 seconds and said "yes he doesnt fix & follow" we will send for a brain scan...OMG it confirmed my fears..."I knew something was wrong" Brain scan came back clear..perfectly healthy happy baby...But it did not rest me...I saw him use one side more than the other...The way he stuck his tongue out and moved his arms around made me so petrified he was having seisures...I was really unwell...My health visitor was amazing...she was astounded they even sent a brain scan off as babies dont fix and follow objects til 6-8 weeks...I got CBT for PTSD...But nothing helped appart from watching him meet milestones...Fast foward 2 years...And hes met every milestone and more... walking talking...sings full nursery rhymes...Counts to 12...starting his ABC...And all that is behind us...And its made me stronger...To know all babies are differant and do things differantly...Im expecting again & all those old fears plague me...will i be that way again.??...But just looking at my son is reassurance...I hope you come out the other side...You baby sounds lovely to me...and i would be worried about this clinic meeting...it sounds horrible to observe anyone like that...I would call and ask exactly what they are wanting to observe & if you dont agree fight your side!Dont let your mental health be a reason to be undermined...this is your life and your baby...And if they are in no danger...They should not be treating you like an animal in the zoo...X

Was the clinic about video interaction guidance OP? If it is, it can be really useful for any parent to watch back their communication with their children in generally a positive way

Is that your dp in the background? Everyone looks super relaxed and happy. You must be getting a lot right in your house! Do try to relax and enjoy your baby snuggles, your dd looks very alert and looking at you / the person taking the photo very intently.

Definitely sounds like the clinic is for your mental health and to make sure you're bonding with baby rather than due to any concern with DD. Good luck op. Anxiety sucks.

Your baby is so gorgeous! Take any and all help, be honest about your thoughts and feelings, so you can get the help you need. Huge hugs xxxx

GORGEOUS baby!

What lovely comments, oh I do love MN sometimes, the support can be immense.

You’re doing well to have taken both out to soft play. Things are probably going way better, you’re probably doing way better, than you think. Look at this clinic as a way of getting reassurance of that, so as a good thing.

Since you’re not sure about what the clinic is, I would call up the Heakth Visitor and ask, or email if possible. Absolutely your right.

You should ask some more questions about where they have referred you and why? What do they hope to achieve?

It's absolutely nothing to do with your child's smiling pattern. Sorry but it's just ludicrous to think that they offer this level of help and support because of the baby's smiling pattern.

Accept all the help that is offered but please be aware that it's not what you think it is fot or for the reason you think.

I hope you are ok. What I would say with Sertraline - which I am on - seems to take quite a while to 'kick in' - I really suffered for flippin' weeks while my GP urged me to 'stick with it'. The side affects before it started to help were, frankly, brutal (vomiting constantly, sweating, shaking - it was really horrible). I am not a doctor so wont say anything else other than your baby is gorgeous and I hope you are both well and fabulous!

Thanks all for being so brilliant - I’ve taken the photos down as realised there was another child in one and also a friend and so that’s not right. I do have support yes in a fantastic husband and friends I just don’t think they quite know what to do bevahse the fears are so varied and in their views without base. I’m so sorry so many of you have been through similar things and so grateful to you for sharing that you came out the other side too. Will talk everything through w GP who can hopefully explain referral etc tomorrow - thanks so so so much b to you all xxxx

Ah bless you OP. You're really suffering and I know it's hell.
It will be support for you and absolutely nothing to do with your baby.
You have an absolutely adorable bouncy baby there!
I know it's hell.

I remember my HV when I was diagnosed with PND came around weekly. She suggested baby massage. Of course I felt completely affronted and that she thought I hadn't bonded with my baby (I had) but I suppose she was trying to help.
The baby massage is nice. Just make sure the room is mega warm. Put the changing mat on the floor, buy a massage oil (I didn't use any aromatherapy oils, but you could put one drop of something in I guess - depending on instructions on bottle). Strip baby off and just gently massage her little arms and legs. Feet too. Rub the oil into there chest and gently massage tummy. They'll either enjoy it or not. Mine weren't too pushed about it, but it felt like I was doing something nice for them.
I know this stage and it is horrible. Constantly worried and in a state of adrenalin. With a bit of luck the sertraline will start working for you soon. Don't be afraid to pop to your GP as often as you need until you're stabilised. Just the reassurance that you're doing ok can speed up the recovery.

Best of luck. When are you going to the new group?

I’m not sure when it starts bevahse they only made the referral today but soon I think... read these posts properly now as both kids napping (one far too late but never mind!!) and you’re all so kind and so so lovely - thank you!!!! X

Bit of an update - and a positive one - and a last (hopefully!) question! I’ve had the first session with the support service and it was with an exceptionally kind and understanding psychologist. He explained the purpose of the sessions could be quite varied depending on what was needed but overall they were just there to help new parents with any struggle. We talked a lot and he was reassuring and I’ll be seeing him once a week. I think the sertraline has also kicked in a little bit and my daughter is also a lot more cheerful most days so overall far far fewer real panics or worries and lots more happy times and a huge sense of gratitude for her, the nhs and you lot! I am finding it hard to kick the micro watching though which the paycholigustvsaid was quite a common issue for parents who have been discharged with the advice to “keep an eye” as in his words all babies do some sorts of weird stuff and if you’re geared up to find something alarming you will. Bearing that in mind and the fact that I don’t see many babies her age very often as mainly work roun three year old son or when do go to groups babies tend to be older, wanted to check whether her current behaviour seems typical. I’m not worried so much as aware if that makes sense. Basically she changes quite a lot day to day - one day seems to need lots of sleep and the next be very awake, one day lots of huge gummy grins from morning, the next not very interested. I’d say on average we get two or three alert awake periods when she’s pretty cheerful and coping and smiling, sometimes more and sometimes less. She definitely doesn’t always smile back when you smile at her but she often does, she sometimes sleeps for 20 mins at a time, sometimes 4 hrs in the day, still has at least one feed at night but is generally doing longer stretches at night. She’s gaining weight and seems more and more interested in her environment and brother and hitting toys and things. I think for ten weeks this all feels basically about right - I don’t remember her brother being so variable day to day but that doesn’t mean he wasn’t. Does anyone with a ten week old or who remembers having one think thisnsounds ok?! Thank you!

Sounds very similar to mine at that age OP. I worried for ages she wasn't smiling enough and now she's a year and never stops (except when she's throwing a strop!). She didn't settle into any kind of pattern until she was about 16 weeks, and even then it was very loose when it came to napping. Still is! Congratulations on having got through the worst of it - PND/PNA is incredibly hard. Good job.

Oh thank you for replying that’s so kind and so helpful!!! It’s not really the amount of smiliness or anything so much as the variability on all fronts - today she woke up grinning like anything which was lovely, got a bit grizzly after being awake for an hour an a half which is typical but what isn’t is that instead of howling when I stopped moving the pram to buy a coffee as she normally would just stared out quietly around the cafe and after a few minutes fell asleep without her usual screaming... hardly behaviour to complain about I know just that she keeps doing quite different things all the time and keeps me on my toes! Does anyone else’s baby just nod off quietly in the pram when it’s not even moving? Sounding mad now I know....