AIBU to feel really anxious about this? Advice really would be appreciated

[PeoniesGinandBags]

Morning everyone,

To provide a brief context - I've struggling with anxiety for years, was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder by the GP, some depressive episodes and had a combination of medication and some CBT. I work full time in a really stressful job as a teacher in a secondary school.

As I've been finding my job just utterly overwhelming (it's increased over the past couple of years to be really intolerable), I've decided to take a career change. I've been offered a new job outside of teaching and have let my employers know I'll be going at the end of the academic year. The new job is less pay, less stress... a real change for me which I know will be good.

Recently I've been off work for an operation. I'm going back tomorrow but honestly, the waves of panic thatI'm experiencing about this today are overwhelming. I know have to go back, that 'the end is in sight' according to my friends and I wouldn't dump my exam classes in it by being off any longer but I just feel like I can't cope at all.

I've periodically checked my emails whilst I've been off and I can see the work piling up... there's just no let up. I have all these exam classes who I know are going to be getting anxious and I'm not feeling up to coping with that )and they can get really arsey when they're feeling that way!)

I've got my return to interview meeting tomorrow at the start of the day. WIBU to talk to the HR colleague about how I'm feeling? It's not linked to me returning from my operation so I don't know if he can really help?

Sorry if this isn't the right place to post. I'd really appreciate any advice at all. It's the kind of work environment where if you say you're not coping, people kind of ignore it a bit, if that makes sense? In the past I have been to see a senior colleague about feeling overwhelmed at the workload but nothing happened and I left pretty unsupported.

I think one of the problems I'm going to have is that the HR chap isn't part of the actual management team so I'm not sure how messages are shared and if they are, how much 'sway' his comments have......

Thanks for taking the time to read what's probably a bit of a muddled mess x

Gosh, that's really tough for you and shows that you're definitely making the right decision!
I would speak to him about it yes.....I'm presuming as a teacher you don't have access to an occupational health department? I'm sorry if that's a stupid question.

I don't think we do - at least. I've never heard of one. We're in an academy so no access to anything at a council level. I feel stupid because I know I have an 'out' but I just cannot face the thought of having to go through the inevitable stress and anxiety there. I think that perhaps being off has made me realise just how bad it is.

I do know how you feel - I was a secondary teacher until 3 years ago. I can relate to all the things you’ve posted about work piling up, anxiety just reading emails when you realise the mountain ahead of you.

There is definitely something in ‘the end being in sight’. At the moment, I know schools will be particularly stressful and the workload enormous, because of exams coming up at ks4 and 5. But after that you’ll have a clean sail through to July and your exit! Of course, once exams are over there are many other pressures that you’ll be put under (reports, curriculum planning marking doesn’t end), but there is quite a bit of freedom you have now because you aren’t going to be there next academic year. You really can focus on all the bits of the job you enjoy, and the bits that actually help kids, and dump all the other shit. When you get demands for SOWs, or work scrutiny etc, just nod and throw it into your mental rubbish bin. You don’t need to worry about passing appraisal, you don’t need to give a crap about ofsted, you can really just focus on the important parts of the job.

I’ve no idea if your feelings come from your anxiety or from the stresses of the job. If you are too poorly to work, then of course you can’t. But as your posts resonate with me, it’s possibly just nerves about getting back on that horse. And if you’ve ever had time off before, you’ll know it’s going to be a shock to the system to get back, but within the first day you’ll be back in the thick of things and wondering if you were ever away. Once you’re back in it, it’s harder to see how crap it all is (really shit advice, probably - get back to work so you bury all your feelings and don’t even notice how cack it all is 😂).