Failing on all counts

[MaryMayhem]

Is it reasonable to be such a failure as a mother, daughter, wife and friend? I put my baby in nursery, my mum is going into respite because my dad who cares for her is having surgery, and I snip at my husband because I'm so ashamed at not being able to look after anyone myself. I never see friends. I have to work, to live. I pay other people to care for the ones most important to me. What a backwards life. What a failure.

Sending you
A failure for finding yourself childcare so you can work? Hardly failing!
You are exhausted. That’s a lot for one person to take on.
How do you ask for support? Who are s supporting you?

Who says looking after everyone is your job?

So you work, have friends, a marriage, pay your bills, have a relationship with your parents and make sure that your baby is well cared of? You sound like bloody superwoman to me. Most people can't afford not to work, having your child grow up in a financial stable household is very important too. Be nice to yourself, you're doing really well.

What on Earth makes you honestly believe you're a failure? You have your child in nursery which is good for you both. Kids need that interaction with other kids and you need the time out whether for work or to get your hair "did" it's your shout.

Your Mum going into respite might be surprisingly nice for her believe it or not. A short break from home with people and staff and stuff going on that's different is as good for her as the rest of you.

Trying to do all these things and look after everyone all the time would be a sure route to disaster. Can't do it. You cannot give your all to everyone and would be even less use if you're stretching yourself thin in the effort.

Go easy on yourself. You're not failing at all.

Thankyou all. I hadn't replied because I can't think.of what to say that isn't in my first post. Every day the same battles to solve everything for everyone but no One listens to me. My siblings are good hearted but not very practical and are also unwell in their ways. I just found out someone I dated briefly years ago has parts of my dream life and I feel cheated by life. I don't want them back at all, it's not about them, I just want out of my life. Don't mean suicide harm, just to run away. To somewhere that doesn't exist. To feel peaceful and safe
. Not lots to ask.

I think you are being too hard on yourself & having automatic negative thoughts as you have so much going on. Try to think of the positives. Your child is learning vital life & developmental skills. You are working to provide a home & stability. Not many people can afford a SAHM life. Respite care means a break for all concerned, from experience, we tried to look after my Dad, but physically couldn't do the heavy lifting etc & the emotional toll was brutal. If your ex has parts of your dream life, what are they & is there a way when your child is at school & needs you less that you could address that with training or a different life plan? I think you are doing great but need some me time to get perspective. Things always feel worse when you're constantly on the go & frazzled.