To not understand the problem?

[alwaysncxx]

Me and OH have been very fortunate that my parents have purchased a very lovely pram for our first DC. They were happy to do this as they had been saving for some time and this is their first grandchild.

Visited parents today and DB was there. Was told by DM about the pram as he had been away for the weekend and he kicked up a fuss asking what it is me and DP have actually bought for DS and are we going to expect everything to be gifted to us.

We've purchased all of his clothes, nappies etc and all the other bits needed. We have been lucky that our pram and cot had been bought by family for us. We weren't grabby and we didn't expect any of it.

AIBU to ask why he's acting like this?

My brother was like this and I'm sad to say it's gone from bad to worse since my children were born. He feels very hard done by and considers that every pound spent by my parents of their own free will (and most definitely not suggested/hinted at/asked for by me) on their granddaughters was a pound that went into my pocket. He's downright nasty and refuses to accept that mum and dad are free to spend THEIR MONEY on whatever they like, just the same as he is with his own money. We used to get on OK, now I actively avoid him if he's about as I can't bear all the ranting and raving he does, he frightens me (and I'm 54 and a tough old bird). I do consider that he is the golden child, my mother actively favours him over me, now she has advanced dementia and can't really speak very much, the expression on her face when he turns up tells me all I need to know.

It's his problem, not yours.

Even as very independent adults myvoarentvboughtvour cot bed for DS1 and FIL insisted on paying for the lightweight, bus friendly stroller we bought when he was 8 months old, with a small lottery win. GPs like to feel useful.

Being the golden child can be as damaging as being the not-golden. Your parents created this dynamic with the way they have treated you both in the past.

Don’t get dragged into silly feuds. You’re a grown up now and can remove yourself from this nonsense. Watch, recognise, understand, don’t knee-jerk react, don’t allow other people to press your buttons, decide on your lines that you don’t want crossed, create distance if you need to protect yourself and your new family.

Also, it looks like your mum has switched allegiance from him to you? So for 26 years he was the golden child but now you are? Is she not capable of being kind to both her children at once?

He's very childish and has always goaded for a reaction out of me, even when we were kids.

Well that changes the tone somewhat, doesn't it? I'm all for giving the benefit of the doubt (warped), but as you've drip fed this and other information, it would appear to be a bit more clear cut.

Gaolbird but you didn't give the benefit of the doubt did you? You assumed a scenario in which the OP had historically been favoured over her brother and that she must be having loads of other stuff given to her beyond the pram and went on a rant about her not having any empathy for her arsey brother.

She states quite clearly in the OP that she never asked for the pram, is indeed grateful for it and that all the other baby basics she has provided herself.

And, you know, maybe next time you want to jump on an OP with both feet you should indeed try that 'benefit of the doubt thing' and wait for any additional information you've demanded (OP answered your post, and that's not dripfeeding) to be provided before rushing to judgment.

@WarpedGalaxy thank you ❤️

@WarpedGalaxy - maybe next time you want to jump on an OP with both feet you should indeed try that 'benefit of the doubt thing' and wait for any additional information you've demanded

What is this 'benefit of the doubt' of which you speak? It is becoming such a rare thing here on MN I don't recognise it....

Can I ask why you being pregnant and moving out caused a 'shitstorm' with brother and his gf?

@Bookworm4 no idea really except everyone else in the family gets the feeling that they're jealous, as they thought they'd be the ones moving out and having DC first.

Seriously? They sound a right pair of idiots obviously completely full of self importance. Imagine resenting a baby that isn't even born 🙄🙄

My parents bought all of the nursery furniture and PIL bought our travel system and we are mid thirties, good jobs, home owners. Grandparents like to spoil grandchildren even before they are born, we just said thank you a lot. DB didn't bat an eye and whilst my parents did the same for him SILs parents aren't in a position to, but no one is jealous of anyone else. We can all stores to support ourselves and our own children so Abby gifts are gratefully received but not excited or relied upon. You say they expected to have DC s first, are you sure they've not been trying but it hasn't happened?

Gaolbird but you didn't give the benefit of the doubt did you?
Which is no different to what you did warped. Two sides to every story, and we only heard one. In experience, many ppl will leave out pertinent information (as the OP did at the start), or focus heavily on the facts which make them look best. And there usually is something which leads to such a reaction, it doesn't come completely out of the blue, so I'm not sure why you found my comment so offensive!?!

warped, erm, yes, it is drip feeding when the OP asks such a question, implying she has no idea why his reaction, then reveals he's always been goady and difficult (or whatever it was) - surely if you were accustomed to such behavior, you might think it was a contributing factor?

And I hardly think that asking if she could show some empathy in order to try and understand where he is coming from is going on a rant . I didn't state she had been given loads of stuff, I asked. Critical reasoning.... Gone the way of the benefit of the doubt for some posters, I see...

My ex in laws bought DS a cot, they didn't ask us what kind of cot we wanted, what colour or anything. The day I went in hospital they came round & put the cot up in the bedroom, didn't even ask us where we wanted it in the room. My ex SIL bought the quilt, bumpers & bedding, I had wanted Humphrey for the nursery but I didn't get a choice, not even for what baby bath my DS had.