To expect him to go to bed earlier?

[RayaJambalaya]

My OH is like a big kid still. He always wants to stay up late to watch TV and play his PlayStation. I get it... I wish I could stay up late watching netflix but we have a 9 month old now. Things have changed! The issue is he has a tiring job and he stays up until midnight at least most nights and then had to get up at around 6 for work. I wouldn't mind, but he comes home from work and starts falling asleep on the couch. We can be chatting about something and literally 30 seconds later he'll be asleep. I have to keep waking him up so he can spend time with our daughter. And then once she's in bed suddenly he's not tired anymore and stays up late again. IT DRIVES ME BONKERS!!! He reckons even if he went to bed earlier he'd still be that tired.

For a lot of people it's not as simple as going to bed earlier. If I try to go to bed when I'm not tired, I won't fall asleep but will be lying awake for hours.

But he obviously does need to get more sleep. Nixing the late night gadgets will help.

Oh he can fall asleep easily! He's just being stubborn because he likes to stay up late. He says he just likes the tiny bit of alone time I think. I go to bed around 11 but I'm at home with the baby all day and I never fall asleep in the day and rarely complain about being tired (unless I've only had 4 hours sleep a few nights on the trot).

I can get to the point where I get home from work and I can feel my eyes shutting, but by the time I've eaten I'm awake again and couldn't sleep if I try

Can you give each other one night 'off' a week so you can both get some guaranteed me time? If he knows it won't be interrupted he may not feel the need to stay up so late but at the end of the day he's an adult, he has to decide for himself. If you need him to help with bedtime you need to tell him and he will have to work his sleep around it.

I understand you’re frustrated by it, but tbh I totally understand him. I need time on my own and often that is late at night. Also, if I go to be early I’m awake at 2am and that’s that. Yes you have a baby, but that doesn’t mean he suddenly doesn’t need time to himself or that going to be at 9pm is going to work for him.

You sound bored and lonely. Are you getting out and meeting other people?

Talk to him, tell him what your issues are, but don’t tell him what his issues are or what he has to do. Just tell him what’s bothering you and that it might well become a deal breaker if things don’t change.

I also understand him and it is also only an hour after you which isn't long at all.

I agree with what @IncrediblySadToo said - talk to him.

You sound awfully controlling. As long as he’s doing everything he needs to do what’s the problem?