Aibu to talk about where your boundaries lie?

[Cherry4weans]

Would like general advice/opinions on what you would do should you find yourself the sole carer/friend/therapist/contact with outside world of a person who negatively impacts your psychological health and has severe narcissistic traits which could possibly be cptsd rather than intentional.

There are too many complicated factors to be specific so rather than drip feed I would appreciate general advice/opinions or experiences on the subject as a whole.

Not much to go on but I'd probably walk away. The only people I have unconditional responsibility for are my dc.

The empath to a narcissist (no matter what drives the traits) will ALWAYS suffer. Know that.

I would expect the person with the narcissism/CPTSD to actively seek help to the absolute ultimate best of their ability. And if they did not do so, I would take distance from them. Ultimately you cannot be an effective support if your own MH is adversely affected by being in their life, and sometimes you need to step back and care for yourself in order to do what you can and still maintain your own quality of life.

I speak as the widow of an alcoholic who would not act to help himself. Walking away was the best thing I ever did, for myself and for our children.

I would try and draw up an exit plan to distance myself and try and get other support involved. Obviously it somewhat depends on the person but GP (if you know it), CAB, helpline of some sort. I would have to give myself a couple of goals on how to withdraw and by what dates, especially if they were affecting my mental health.

The above is what I would do now, however I was in this situation once - years ago. I got my husband to speak to the person and say we were spening too much time together and he needed me to be at home more. Actually my husband was a reasonable guy who wouldn't tell me to do anything, so it was made up. But it was the only way I could face telling the person.

Assuming this is an adult, I would call adult services and explain that this person is in need of help, and walk away.

Put yourself and your own MH first.

Even if they are suffering from C-PTSD that doesn't excuse shit behaviour that affects you negatively. They need to take responsibility for themselves.

My understanding is that CPTSD doesn't cause narcissism, so if they're narcissistic then they're narcissistic.

It's not your responsibility to sacrifice yourself for them either way.

Not narcissism but I've heard it could cause narcissistic behaviour due to a need to manipulate and control out of fear caused by past trauma.

I'm going through something similar at the moment for someone with bpd, but there are four of us supporting them. All the same, it's affecting my own health, and found myself avoiding things so they don't know if I'm around to help or not. I found myself calling Mind for help today.
It'd be worth giving them a call.
But as callous as it sounds, I wish I could walk away. So if you're able to, please do so. You need to look after yourself in this.

I would walk away from anyone other than a child of mine in this situation.

Can you give us any examples, OP, so we can get a better understanding of this friend's behaviour?

There's a big difference between narcissism and c-PTSD/trauma/anxiety disorders.

Read up on codependence.
The best book is Codependent No More by Melody Beattie.
You need to stop this dynamic, it's not healthy for you or them.