AIBU to be upset....p.s it really is not about the donut!

[Wantmyflipflops]

Hi again...feeling slightly happy that I have something else to post about so quickly. Please bear with me as I have complete baby brain but do not want to drip feed....especially since I know you will all be so riveted by my story. (I am aware this is a little dramatic).

DH is a great dad, really hands on and will move heaven and earth for his girls but his husband skills get about a 7/10. Up until recently I have put all my my frustration down to pregnancy hormones...or as I call them 'breathe and I kill you' hormones. But baby is 10 weeks now and I suspect that he is just being a bit of a dick...

So here is where it gets pretty petty, but for some reason it was the final straw and I sprawled on the bed crying like a 16 year old who has just been dumped.

He ate all the donuts....(I know you are all feeling my pain).

Now there were 12, and they were an indulgent buy being Krispy Kreme...my DD (4) licked the icing off a couple and put a soggy leftover in my mouth but apart from that the greedy sod scoffed 10 (YES TEN) bloody donuts and didn't for one second consider me..

So yes I know it is just a bloody donut and I should get over it but I think this was a bit of a final straw and I ashamed to sat that this happened yesterday and I still not talking to him.

AIBU? Surely this is about considering the other person. I am 10 weeks PP after horrendous bladder trauma and blood loss from a csection and I still do everything (And I really don't mind that I do based on the fact that I know it is done properly). But I tend to be overlooked by DH and just don't fell like he really gets exactly how much I do..

So tomorrow I am not going to clean, cook, walk the dog, sort out his invoices, make the bed or do his bloody lunch. I am not going to clean the playroom that the DD 4 will have demolished in the hour before nursery and I am defo not going to have his dinner ready for when he gets home.

Just texted a friend to see if she is free for coffee and Gladys (my awesome next door neighbour) is going to have DD 4 for the afternoon. I have his credit card and think I will go out and buy my own bloody valentines and anniversary present.

Then when he walks in from work he will get a true representation of what I actually do normally do whilst he is pretending to work and probably eating everyone's bloody donuts...

10 bloody doughnuts, hope he's sick the 🐷

It isn't about the doughnuts but Krispy Kremes are better the first day and yabu for not eating one when they were available over 2 days.

You obviously have more issues and you need to discuss these hen you are both calm and not angry and have time(with a 10wk old)

Hmm a doughnut fiend. I have one that will quite often buy me the chocolate and if not eaten within a timeframe (that night) it will miraculously disappear. Buy the biggest cake you can when out with your friend tomorrow and enjoy your coffee.

@AmIRightOrAMeringue ha ha loved your 'flip-flops really loves doughnuts!'

You are right and I will talk to him about it. I think I just come from a very different world to him where I wouldn't dream of not considering the other person.

It is a common argument we have about his knee jerk reaction to be selfish. He is not like it with the kids, he gets up at 2 in the morning when he hears the baby and sends me to bed. Takes them all out on the weekend so I get a couple of hours to myself. They really are his world, but I come after the kids, dog and until recently the MIL and I think I should be at least before the dog ha ha.

Without the wider issues at play.....I’d have cried over the donuts too.
While you’re running your errands tomorrow, use his credit card/debit card to buy more donuts and send him a picture That’s what I’d do! Because yes, I am a petty child when it comes to scrumptious baked good

You come after the donuts too!

@Iamnobirdandnonetensnaresme you are right that we need to discuss the root of the issue.

I am not really an angry person (my previous post may contradict that a little) and defo not in front of my kids. My DH and I decided a long time ago that anything that is evolving in to a heated discussion can wait until we are alone.

I think that I am probably still a little hormonal so need to take some deep breaths before he comes home in about 10 mins and discuss it with him. Knowing him he will have some flowers and chocolates but be none the wiser as to why I sulked lol.

@MyBreadIsEggy my friend who is meeting me for lunch just said that as well.. I may buy just three though instead of the 12 but write my name on them lol.

@woolduvet Oh yeah...I am after kids, pets and donuts lol.

Right he just came home. Wish me luck my MN friends. I am about to try and explain all of this to a man!

Thats why we don't have a dog in our household Flip Flop..
Can you use visual aids in your explaination.
Seriously its hard enough recovering from that kind of medically surgically stuff without also looking after a newborn and 4yr old. Demand more TLC. and good luck!

Haha @Wantmyflipflops you snooze you loose!!

His mum ate Gladys' chocolates, his brother ate your anniversary meal, he ate the donuts...ltb

There are so many threads like this. I can't imagine being married to a man who only thought about himself. I would stop doing his invoices for a start.

You do realise that this could get so much worse as she gets older don't you?

I just showed him this thread as I thought I had said it quite well and wanted to avoid calling him too many names. I left him whilst I fed the baby...he popped in to ask me what LTB meant...then said he wished he had not asked lol

love it OP

I hope you can get him to see that you need to feel prioritised sometimes. Definitely over his mum most of the time.

I think he does know he just hasn't worried about it because you let him get away with it.

My dh was the same, took me for granted, did what he wanted when he wanted etc etc. We've had other issues but I don't let him get away with it now, I call him out straight away

Hmm, I'm with you on his overall lack of appreciation for all the things you do, which he definitely needs to learn.

But the donuts? You bought them, are at home, but didn't eat them for 2 days? I don't think he's massively unreasonable to eat them. They were there, they don't last long and noone else was.

The greed! My dp will happily munch through a packet of biscuits and not leave me 1!

When one partner persists in munching their way through all the treats at break neck speed it's so annoying because you either compete and eat crap when you don't want it else you miss out (not heathy I'm anyway) or basically never get any!!!

I have my own treat cupboard now and DH isn't allowed to eat any of it...

Fucking 10! And Krispy Kreme too! Jeez I'm an absolute piggie but 10!!!

I accept they were there sat/sun and I could have eaten 1 but as some lovely lady just pointed out i shouldn't have to eat one for the sake of it for fear there would be none left. There were 12 of them lol.

Anyway I am pleased to say that I have moved on from donut-gate. DH read the thread and even though quite alarmed at the number of people who found it a reason for divorce it did help him to see the bigger problem. He admitted that he can often overlook me because I'm not needy or clingy but that does not make it right. He promises to do better. Actions speak louder than words so lets see. He did come home with donuts yesterday and I finally got my raspberry glaze whilst enjoying a lovely coffee!

Surely the biggest issue is that Gladys didn't get a donut!

@FriarTuck oh no...I forgot about Gladys...

You forgot Gladys?! Super-hero Gladys?! She deserved an entire box to herself, extra sprinkles, double-thick glaze... Poor Gladys