Parent drinking alcohol before assisting with school trip

[Baydreams]

I would describe the parent of one of DCs classmates as a functioning alcoholic.

I frequently see them post-morning school run sinking 4 tins. Despite this, they never seem particularly inebriated to me.

This morning I saw this parent doing their usual 9.30am routine, and then this afternoon I saw the same parent returning from assisting the class school trip (primary school).

So, my questions are:

1. What would you do?
   

1. This question is for anyone who works in schools or has knowledge in this area - what action might the school take? Short of breathilising them, it’s a he said / she said situation, so I’m interested to know what the standard course of action would be if I had a conversation with the school.
   

And 3. Do I need to check my double standards? Eg, I wouldn’t bat an eyelid at PTA mums drinking a a handful of glasses of mulled wine at the Christmas fair whilst still running the show. There are other helpers and teachers around so should it be up to them to judge if someone isn’t
up to the job of assisting with the class?

I feel like it’s important that I do mention it to the school (although I’m pretty certain this isn’t the first time a parent has made the school aware), but think I just needed to mull over my thoughts first and ask what others would do.

[EstuaryBird]

I’m Chair of Governors at a Primary and I would want to know. She should not be accompanying children on trips with any alcohol in her system.

If you do not want to speak to the Head who you see regularly then ask to speak to a Parent Governor or the Chair and let them raise it with the .Head on your behalf.

[Kezza8]

You must watch them for a good while to see them sinking four tins!

[Baydreams]

@MyNewtMyFrogMyLittleRedDog and @apolloanddaphne You are describing a pretty similar situation / location to this scenario.

@autumncrow and @emmagrundyforPM the shopping is just the cans and they are open and being drunk from. Have been doing these school runs many years and long enough to know that the routine is to buy the cans post-school run and drink them outside before going home. I don't know what happens at home, only what I see outside / in public spaces.

[QuirkyQuark]

I must've led a very sheltered life to have never have seen this type of behaviour on the school run and I've had 4 children so I've done a lot of runs.

[10IAR]

They don't seem inebriated because if they are a functioning alcoholic that amount of alcohol will bring them to everyone else's "normal" (ie no shakes, withdrawal etc)

How is the child? Do they seem cared for?

I ask because there's a dad at school who drinks in this way, but has been assessed by SS as the most suitable parent because the mother is addicted to street valium and frequently IS off her face.

If you're concerned I'd speak to school and raise your concerns.

[MissConductUS]

I'm a recovering alcoholic with 24 years of sobriety.

Talk to the school. If they're assisting on school trips they need to know. Alcoholics keep drinking because they're addicted to alcohol, not because they're evil, but when the safety of others is put at risk it stops being a private matter. I'd call the police about a drunk driver too.

[TapasForTwo]

Why is it whenever someone posts something like this everyone piles in interrogating the OP because they don't believe her?

[AutumnCrow]

the shopping is just the cans and they are open and being drunk from. Have been doing these school runs many years and long enough to know that the routine is to buy the cans post-school run and drink them outside before going home

Sorry but that story just has so many holes in it.

[GreatDuckCookery6211]

Speak to school asap. Have any other parents seen this behaviour?

[10IAR]

Sorry but that story just has so many holes in it

How so? Because it seems perfectly plausible to me, but then I live in an area where it's not unusual.

[youarenotkiddingme]

That parent has obviously been on a school trip before

Seriously though I would report your concerns. What school does with those is up to them but I think you have a duty of care to a least report what you think are concerns for safeguarding and well being of students.

[x2boys]

Because it's an odd thing to do Tapas I worked in mental health for years and worked with addicts ,I also live in a deprived area and regularly see people buying cheap cider and lager anytime during the day , but to drink four cans after school drop off before going home ,seems odd a lot of people would try to hide their drinking so either they don't care or they or so depends they cant?

[x2boys]

Dependent*

[IncrediblySadToo]

Functioning alcoholic, who isn’t driving, helping on a school trip for a couple of hours. I don’t think you need to ‘do’ anything.

I don’t drink my h these days and I wouldn’t drink before helping in a school trip, however, I could drink 4 cans of beer and be perfectly able to look after the children well. A functioning alcoholic even more so as they’re used to it.

I’m sure the school won’t allow the parent to help if they think there’s a problem with the parents help

[AutumnCrow]

the story seems odd to me, just saying ...

Parents do school run. Children go into school.

Parents disperse from school.

Parent A leaves school and buys cans in shop and apparently opens and drinks them in street.

Parent B ... Well, they'd have left, wouldn't they? To either go to work, or home, or go about their business. Why would they be in the street at the exact place where they'd be able to be looking into Parent A's bag of open cans of beer?

That's all I'm saying.

And as I said originally, they must be pretty close in that case.

[hazell42]

I'm not sure what you are going to report him for. Drinking at that time, assuming he was, isn't great for him from a health POV, but you said yourself he didnt appear inebriated and you wouldn't necessarily worry about other parents drinking at a school fete during the day.
Bottom line, he was sober enough to get up and take his kids to school and interested enough to volunteer on a school trip.
I'm sure if there was an issue staff would have spotted it.
He may be hurting himself but I'm not sure what it is you feel you need to butt in for

[Baydreams]

@x2boys I don't know the ins and outs of why they do what they do and not at home, but my guess is it's one of these situations:

1. Hiding it from their other half
2. Can't wait till they get home
3. Is part of their social routine / is lonely / likes to sit and chat to passers by.

@10IAR Don't want to go into too many extra details separate from this scenario, but the child is well cared for. Has another, seemingly sensible and sober, parent at home.

[10IAR]

Or be walking/driving down the same road at the same time?

But then where I used to live parents smoking joints in their pyjamas was the norm at 9am. So maybe we just had different experiences that school was a big part of why we moved

[10IAR]

Baydreams that's a relief, that the child seems ok.

[Tensixtysix]

As long as they are not driving, it's not really anyone else's business.
I'm sure plenty of high flyers go and collect their kids high on drugs and fine wine.
'For the grace of God go I'

[WendyCope]

I was going to sat that Tensixty I often go and pick up DD at 5pm probably smelling of my glass of wine with lunch. I'm fine though.

Four cans of beer at 9am is a bit much though. But if they do not seem drunk and DC are well cared for?

Lunch is BIG where I live, dinner is small and I'm in bed by 10pm

I'd say each to their own, except drinking 'on the street' seems odd to me.

[Baydreams]

@autumncrow Honestly, it's not unusual at all to bump into other local parents outside the local parade of shops near the school, or to be doing errands on the high street so be in a position to tell how long they have been sat there and how much they can drink in that time. We live very close by to each other, and of course when I walk by I stop to say hello as we are friendly with each other and have children in the same class.

Not meaning to drip feed, I didn't realise I would need to give so many specific details. Perhaps if I'd initially painted the picture that it's a deprived area where drinking /using drugs in public isn't a rare occurance, there'd be less doubt? I didn't think it was necessary to the situation to explain those details.

[WendyCope]

I also don't drive so can have a drink with lunch, to be clear!

[WendyCope]

OP can you anonmously report your concerns to school?

[greenlynx]

I’m surprised that some PPs still couldn’t believe OP. When you live in the area and use the same route/ go to the same shop every day you notice people doing the same things around you.