WIBU to contact his ex to ask whether he abused her too?

[Smoothieberry]

My ex partner was emotionally abusive towards me throughout our relationship. I believe he acted the same way towards his ex, which is why she refused to mediate with him and she ended up having an affair which in hind sight, knowing now what I know I do not judge her for. We are sort of tied a bit as we both have children with this man. I hear the way he speaks about her, it's vile, and I see the way she's nervous around him, just as I was. WIBU to contact her (we have contact occasionally anyway because of the DCs) and confide in her? I feel like she is the only person in the world who truly understands what he's like, but I am slightly nervous of approaching her. We do get on...

Is this an awful idea? I only left him a few weeks ago and I'm still quite scared of his reaction to things so please be kind. I'm incredibly fragile (and sleep deprived!)

An update. I contacted his ex. We met up for coffee in her local coffee shop. It was nice. Cathartic almost. The way he's been treating me, is exactly the way he treated her. Even down to small details. Making us feel fat and ugly when we were pregnant, punching things, being aggressive, dismissive behaviour etc. It was almost scripted. I don't know how this changes things for me but it makes me realise he likely will not change. She also confirmed that he (allegedly) punched one of his ex girlfriends. I'm glad I contacted her, but it's actually made me feel more scared of him. Though has given me insight in to how he may behave now. Not sure what to do..

Not yet. Concentrate on getting strong, create a distance with him, he spunds dangerous.
Mnetters will help and offer support if your feeling fragile and alone.
Definitely discuss it with her, if even for the sake of shared children, but in time, give yourself time, if he was very abusive focus on how to stop him manipulating you further.

Oops I missed your update. So he was a dick to both of you.

It's okay, easily missed. I toyed with the idea of waiting longer but she contacted me first just to see how I was as he daughter mentioned that I wasn't at home, so we got talking. He has also been abusive to his mum who reached out to me too. Off her own back. He kept me at an arms length from both of them.

I am glad you did and she confirmed it, especially when DC are involved, has he access to your house, has he moved on? Is he looking to get back with you. Far to many women have been hurt and killed by men, protect yourself from him.

I often wished I could get together with my worst abusive ex's three exes before me. Because I know he put all three of them through the same thing, but the last two and myself he pitted against each other, I guess to stop us collaborating and bringing his world of lies and manipulation down on top of him. It's usual for men like this to do whatever it takes to keep other Victims from talking. So I'm glad you've been approached by the other ex and the mum.

I often this of my ex's DW. He was much older than me, he was abusive, he physically attacked me twice, a third time when it was over he was stalking me.
He has been abusive to every women before me, left his ex in hospital for 6 months.
He moved on to another younger woman married her, they have 5 DC, I have no doubt he has beat her over the years, an animal like that doesn't change.
I came across his DW on a fb group she is very thin, tight hair, he used to beg me to shave my hair off, I had it cut tight at the back and it saved my lift when I was running away.
Shit that was over 20 years ago.
He still frightens me.