To ask how to make friends in your area?

[DesperatelySeekingSu]

Hi I’m sorry I know I sound pathetic but I feel so sad.

I always used to be confident and popular, good job etc.

I have two boys who are 12 and 13 and I love them to bits. However they both have ASD and my eldest is very difficult to manage, he has PDA.

Only last week he threw a shoe in a public place and it caught another person on the back of the head leaving a small cut. I of course apologised profusely and tried to explain DS doesn’t understand consequences, but unfortunately they called the police and my son has since done a voluntary interview and been referred to young offenders.

When they were little I made friends with some school mums, but as the years have passed its become more and more apparent that we don’t really have much in common, I guess all we ever really had to talk about were our children which is great but it’s become more and more awkward as their children are excelling in school and doing this and that. I genuinely am pleased for them but I’m lucky to even get my eldest to school let alone do well.

I don’t have any family and wondered how I would go about chatting to other parents who also have challenging children?

Their Dad helps as much as he can but he suffers with fibromyalgia amongst other illnesses and some days he can barely walk.

I would be really happy to chat with parents online so maybe Facebook would be good for online support but how would I go about finding parents in my local area? I feel totally alone and isolated

Can you join a club?

I was never interested in being friends with the school mums as the only thing we have in common is kids

But I’m a keen mountain biker and found a fb group, started meeting other women for rides locally and now have some lovely riding friends, one of which happens to be a school mum

But why do they have to be parents?

You’re right they don’t need to be parents but I think I’d like to talk to other parents of challenging children - it can be a lonely life.

I've found the best way is colleagues, could you get a school-hours job? I've made some really good friends through work.
Otherwise try a creative class or carers support group maybe.

Is there a carers group nearby? They will have an understanding of what it's like so you might have more in common.

Have you looked online to see if parents of children who have similar needs to you have a group?

There are often ASD friendly events at theatres and cinemas

Thanks all

Libbelulle - I have school hours job, I work in schools and have some lovely colleagues but I find talking about my children hard to them.

Eliza - thank you yes I have come across the carers group in our area before I may reconnect with them.

Be jam - thank you, yes there are ASD groups and organisations I am involved with by taking my child along, maybe I should ask the organisers if there is a local support group for parents/ carers of children with ASD

Volunteering is a great way to make friends.

Go and join a WI. There are bound to be mums in it with the same situation as you. I've made loads of good friends through WI.

Don't necessarily choose the one nearest to you as they are all different. Pick the one that meets your needs best and maybe try more than one.

There was a similar post recently that had some really good suggestions on making friends and I'm slowly beginning to try a few of them out. It is so difficult to put yourself out there, especially is you have some limitations to what you are able to do, where you can go etc.
Adult community learning centres are good as they have such varied classes and might make it easier to find people with similar interests. I've signed up to a class and although I doubt I'll make any friends there I'm hoping it will help with confidence when it comes to talking to new people. Signing up to MeetUp can be really useful as you get notifications when new groups start in your area. There hasn't been a lot local to me but I've had a few emails when things have started so I'm hoping there will be something I can attend in the future. Although suggested a lot these 3 clubs have groups running everywhere WI Groups, Ladies circle and Tangent Clubs and their websites all have a group finder tool. Girlfriend social and Not 4 dating are two website just for friendship that are free as sometimes its easier to get to know people online first. I did think about starting up a thread on Mumsnet where people could post a kind of personal ad with what county they are in and their interest so they could find someone to be online Penpals with that were local to them in case they ever wanted to meet but I felt a bit silly and didn't do it.

maybe I should ask the organisers if there is a local support group for parents/ carers of children with ASD

Definitely do this. My children are similar ages to yours, the oldest has ASD. DH and I did a parent's course well over a year ago and continued meeting up with some of the parents afterwards (initially had a WhatsApp group). We really gelled with 2 of the couples and go out regularly (pub mostly!). We've become really good friends. I also know other local ASD parents through the organisation and various meetings/workshops I've attended. Got to be worth a try!

WI is a good idea. Or volunteer for Guiding. You don't have to be involved with children if that's not your thing. There are loads of other roles GG needs volunteers to fill.