Too fucked up for words!

[dumplingPie]

When I was a child I was a victim of sexual abuse. I'm also no contact with my parents
This I believe has given me a life of low self esteem and no confidence in myself.
My current boyfriend of 9 months is a recovering drug addict (always relapsing)

Some of the shit he's done to me in this time is insane. He lied about his job (he doesn't work and hasn't done in a very long time)

He sold my iPad.
He told me he got me a gift (gig tickets) but the day of the gig he was ill. Long story short he never actually got the gig tickets.

He made out he was a way for work in a different country. When I asked for photos of the studio, he went to our local music shop and took photos from there. He never actually left!
There is so much he's done I could be here all day writing about it.

I just feel so low. Sometimes I hate myself.

I've never had a normal, loving and kind relationship.
I'm not a stupid person honestly. I just seem to put up with this behaviour. Thinking I deserve no better.

I'm at home having the medical management currently. I asked DP to be here to support me and he kicked off and basically refused.
Pain is really kicking in.
This really is the end off the road for us now.
I've got to be strong and move forward and realise no one deserves this.

Your so strong dumpling you can do this! He sounds exactly like my ex, I binned him off when I realised what he was like and it sounds like your brave and strong enough to do it too! My ex was a complete low life and a compulsive liar as well I'm wondering if his name also begins with an R? you can get through this!

I felt like you for a long time. Abusive childhood and I have never had belief in myself. Things CAN change.

Have you got anyone who can come over and support you right now? A friend, family member? If not then stay on here.

You are going to be.OK. you are a strong women and you are capable of so much more then you can imagine.

Take deep breaths and listen to some of your favourite music. Get a hot water bottle and a glass of water. Take 2 paracetamol and 2 ibuprofen. Snuggle down into bed if you can get comfy and watch your favourite T.V programs.

I am so sorry you are going through this alone.

Write some sentences down right now that will remind you later of why you should love yourself and not fall for scumbags like your partner.

You are not alone and I'd like to send you a massive great (((((hug)))))

Wishing you the strength and courage that you know in your heart you already possess

I have a very good friend with me who's sent me to bed while she looks after my twins.
All I can think about is this baby will never know love and what if it feels pain?
I've just killed it.
And I hate him for not caring about us. If he were a better man I could of kept this baby.
He would make such an awful father.
But for the sake of myself and my children he needs to go.

He is a conclusive liar. The lies he's told me over the months, his name doesn't start with a R. Must be so many man from the same ink.