...to send possible ASD daughter to nursery earlier than necessary?

[VivienneGold]

Looking more for advice than an AIBU tbh.

A bit of background, DD has just turned two and DH and I were fairly sure a couple of months ago that she has autism. Since then she seems to have outgrown a few of the signs she was demonstrating though the main things remain the same. She is still due to begin any assessments, as HV wasn’t certain at the time of her last appointment either, so we’re still in the unknown, waiting part of it all.

During our looking into it all, we found out that in England and Wales if children her age are diagnosed this young, they then qualify for the free space for two-year-olds at nursery because it’s meant to be beneficial to their development. Can anyone confirm this is the case – i.e. that it would help her in the long run if she is ASD to begin nursery now?

We don’t qualify for this in Scotland, but we can afford to pay for it, so we have enrolled her two mornings a week at a private nursery, but I am feeling very nervous about it all, particularly as she doesn’t have to go for childcare reasons as I’d just be at home. She has had four settling visits and, although she does fine for the first little while, she eventually becomes very upset to the point she is inconsolable until we finally leave (first visits after 50 mins, the next two after about 1.5 hour).

Does anyone have any advice/experience with this? Very torn over whether or not to push on with it.

I would just try it and see. My DS is now 12 and suspected ASD. Very similar to your DD at that age though understood fine. He loved nursery where he went part time. Absolutely hated school but having been to nursery helped a bit. Does depend on child and nursery but just be flexible if you can - if it goes well carry on, if goes badly take her back until she is older. He used to just watch kids there and cuddle staff all the time but used to sing I am going to nursery so he definitely enjoyed it.

We were in this position when my son was 2. An autism diagnosis is looking likely (he's 4 in a fortnight and on the waiting list) and I am a SAHM. He didn't speak at all when he was 2 but like your little one, pulled by the hand etc). We paid to send him privately two mornings a week and it was definitely the best thing we could have done. He gained more confidence, his speech came on slightly, and when it came to "proper" nursery at 3, he was used to not hanging out with his mum constantly lol

We are in Scotland too

Great to hear nursery had a positive affect for your LOs :) I think I'm suffering from extra nerves, with the big day coming up tomorrow. We're lucky in that she doesn't need to go for childcare reasons, so we have the option to just pull her out if it does all go terribly!

Thanks again everyone for the comments.

Is there an option for you to stay in the room with her until she feels more comfortable? I did that with mine for weeks, then started popping out for a few minutes at a time getting longer each week

Have you had her hearing checked?

Ds had severe glue ear, and for a while I thought he would be diagnosed with ASD or similar. However they kept telling me that glue ear behaviour can be very similar, and it's proved right to wait as he's now clear.

I highly recommend pushing for formal assessments.

My sons very affectionate, doesn’t mind supermarkets and is flexible with where we go out (could be beach, park supermarket) and doesn’t needs warning but he is 3 with a diagnosis of autism. When we started to realised he may be autistic i remember going through the list of traits and think “oh he doesn’t tick a few of them so he may not be” when i was kidding myself.

With the nursery it often just depends on finding a good one, ask if they do makaton, PECS, have a senco and what they’d need to get funding for her to have a 1:1 (she may need a diagnosis but i’m not sure).

My son attends a mainstream pre school one morning and an SEN pre school 15 hours (it’s only open for 15 hours).

A specialist setting would be beneficial but a mainstream one might not be unless they are good with SEN. Do the staff have ant experience with ASD? Are they good at encouraging communication? A child with ASD benefits more from specific work done with an adult than just being around other children IME.

If you're anywhere near Bridge of Allan there's a place called Blue Sky which would be worth you checking out. I can't recommend them highly enough.

My son has sn , he started at a sn nursery at age 2 and at a ms one at age 2.10. They all knew the situation and were happy to help. He didn't walk until he was 3 so it involved a walking frame etc . I think it did him the world of good to be around Norms ( term of endearment ) and he thrived . He does however not have any type of autism , just developmental delay/ learning difficulties so never got overwhelmed . Only you will know that .. have you had an assessment at all, usually ASD are very difficult to diagnose in girls .. what are your main worries ?

Thanks for the advice, I'll ask about makaton, PECs and senco at this nursery she's due to start at. It's all new at the moment as we've only recently started to be concerned and I'm only really now coming out of the 'denial' phase, so I don't really know much about these things myself. The nursery tailors the daily activities and such to each child's needs, not forcing participation if they don't want to and they ask if there are any special needs to be aware of.

The settling process they say is personal to each child so they'd let me stay for as long as DD needed and work from there if we needed to. I'm not sure if that would make it easier for her, as she is always happy to run off on arrival and get stuck in, it takes a while for her to become upset - she managed 50 mins at the shortest before becoming upset, almost 2 hours the other two times. She's affectionate with me when we're together but doesn't respond when I say bye and make it clear I am leaving or, even, when I return to pick her up - even from her grandparents - which I wonder might be a sign as well.

Our main worry is her communication, her lack of responsiveness and back-and-forth interactions. There is almost none when we try to initiate conversation or play with her, she often just blanks any attempts at engagement, unless we sing nursery rhymes to her which she loves or we are pointing at things and saying what they are in books/alphabet/numbers/etc. Although she does initiate interactions on her own terms and is full of cuddles, smiles and giggles at those times. The easiest way to engage with her is to put on a show she likes and then she enjoys us watching it with her and talking about what is going on - lots of smiles and eye contact then.

There are other possible signs, such as not pointing at things she wants or to show us things, has never nodded 'yes' and rarely shakes her head for 'no', flaps her arms and runs back and forward in a line when she's excited, if she sees a toy with wheels she'll play with it by spinning the wheels (for ages!), though it's the communication we're most worried about.