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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Don't think I'll ever drive again

37 replies

Longjohns · 09/03/2019 21:42

I am in shock and feel terrible. I was in an accident which was totally my fault yesterday. I was reversing out of a space in a car park and went into the side of another car. The worst thing was that there was a baby in the car on the side where i hit the car, actually I feel sick thinking about this even now. The parents both got out and shouted at me (which I totally understand), but calmed down when it seemed the baby was OK. I keep replaying the scenario in my head and although the baby seemed OK I am so worried it has a concussion or other injury. I don't ever want to drive again as I don't trust myself not to do it again, I have driven for years and have never had anything like this happen. I feel so ashamed and guilty - has anyone got any advice?

OP posts:

Hersheys · 09/03/2019 21:46

OP I doubt you were going at any sort of speed in reverse to cause any harm to the child. Oh the amount of times I back (or even forward) into things is almost monthly, don't let it put you off driving!

Berthatydfil · 09/03/2019 21:48

Nobody got hurt it was a very low speed impact and the insurance will pay.

Don’t let your initial feelings of shock to lead you to make a rash decision. It’s natural to feel upset.

It’s understandable the other driver shouted I expect they were a bit shocked but nobody was hurt.

Get back in the car it will be fine. Get parking sensors fitted if you’re worried about reversing

Bambamber · 09/03/2019 21:52

A baby in a car seat is probably better protected than anyone else in the car. Don't beat yourself up, try and get back on the road ASAP. The longer you leave it, the harder it will be

SomeOtherDay · 09/03/2019 21:53

Oh that must have been horrible for you

A few years ago I forgot to put the child locks on and my one year old opened her door while I was doing 70 mph on a dual carriageway. I’d not been driving long and it scared the life out of me. When I got home I hit the car behind me while trying to parallel park. I lost all confidence and haven’t driven since!

I’ve recently realised however how much I’m limiting myself and my kids by not driving, so today I went out and bought a car!

Accidents happen. Don’t beat yourself up and don’t give up driving just because of one silly mistake. Forgive yourself and get back behind the wheel ASAP OP.

GruciusMalfoy · 09/03/2019 21:55

OP, it happens. To many people. Everyone was OK, and nothing majorly terrible happened. Your shock is natural, but don't punish yourself forever for a small accident. You might feel more confident if you reverse park in future, I know I prefer this.

1Redacted1 · 09/03/2019 21:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AmIOTTconcerned · 09/03/2019 21:57

Just echoing what everyone else said OP

HarrysOwl · 09/03/2019 22:03

A carpark must be the most common place for accidents!

My friend crashed (and wrote off her new car) within a week of passing her test. She felt the same as you, but after having a little break and then some refresher lessons (Pass Plus) she's a really confident driver now.

Don't beat yourself up too much.

Moominfan · 09/03/2019 22:05

You've had such a scare op. I'd be worried if you weren't concerned. Don't make any rash decisions. I've scraped a lamppost, reversed into a bollard, scraped a metal gate. I've just been lucky I've not gone into anyone else

BertieBotts · 09/03/2019 22:06

Babies' car seats are like tanks these days. Don't worry, I'm sure it will have been perfectly fine, just a bit of a nasty shock for the parents. It's horrible to have an accident but v important to get back out there and keep driving. The longer you wait the worse it will seem.

Original poster

Longjohns · 09/03/2019 22:08

Thanks all, parking sensors is a good idea. Dh is taking me for a drive tomorrow because I know I have to do it. I keep wishing I could turn back time and that it hadn't happened but know I have to accept it, move on and be glad that it wasn't worse.

OP posts:

SandyY2K · 09/03/2019 22:10

It was an accident. They happen... it happened to Prince Philip and there was a baby in that car too.

You were reversing, so not going that fast and car seats are very safe.

Don't give up driving.

JaneEyre07 · 09/03/2019 22:17

Perhaps a check up with your GP may be an idea OP, if this is something that hasn't happened before.

boobiesRus · 09/03/2019 22:25

Note about parking sensors OP.

Firstly, they never replace the need to back out of spaces really slowly checking right left back and forth as you go slowly back - you still need to be doing that whether you have sensors or not.

Secondly (because you won't know this unless someone tells you), sensors won't help you if you go back to fast - they don't have time to pick up an object or movement behind you if you're going too fast for them to do so. You have to go super slow to give them time to emit the noise that tells you you've closing in on something.

Hope that's helpful - I had a swanky 4x4 many years ago with all the sensors going. Went winging back when parking it not far from my house and straight into an iron post. "Oh, you have to go back slowly for the sensors to work" 'D'H then told me (we're divorced now, this may have contributed).

1Redacted1 · 09/03/2019 22:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FurrySlipperBoots · 09/03/2019 22:27

What everyone else said!

My brother did this course, I can't remember what it's called but it's like advanced driving, or something? The police etc have to pass before they qualify. Anyway, maybe look into that to boost your confidence?

HeyThoughIWalk · 09/03/2019 22:32

A low-speed collision like that will have had no more impact on the baby than driving over a speed bump would. Or indeed falling off a sofa, walking into a door, or having your brother drop a book on your head. The baby will be fine.

Do try to get out driving again as soon as possible, and put this behind you.

Heartofglass12345 · 09/03/2019 22:39

The fact that they got out and shouted at you doesn't help. You were going really slow and no one was hurt. It really annoys me when people go mad when someone has an accident, when it was just that- an accident. You'll probably be really really cautious for ages but don't stop driving as you'll probably never start again!

Al2O3 · 09/03/2019 22:41

If they had a 'Baby On Board' sticker on their car your insurance company is in for a bit of fun!

peachgreen · 09/03/2019 22:45

@Al2O3 Why?

moggiek · 09/03/2019 22:50

I passed my test in my mid thirties, and drove for about five years. I didn't enjoy it, and as my sons got their licences, there was always a string of willing drivers to give mum a lift. The upshot was that I didn't drive for over twenty years. DH has just bought a hybrid/automatic car which I've driven a few times in recent weeks. I'm 60 now, and really regret giving up the level of independence driving a car brings. Don't be like me. Deep breath, and back out there.

RugbyRugby · 09/03/2019 22:56

You are in shock. At least you recognise that.

You will drive again and you will be fine. It's just normal aftermath analysis.

Good people make mistakes all the time - that's life.

1Redacted1 · 09/03/2019 22:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kateandme · 09/03/2019 23:00

you can do it op.you feel bad for what you did and you see the mistake you made.youve owned it enough and all are safe.
the shock of it might continue in waves for a while.this is whilst the body and mind and fight or flight are all competing against eacohter.
don't let your panic now though start to take over.fear tells us stories and makes false memories and make us rash and rush.just keep cal now be kind to yourself and rest whilst you come to terms.
the longer you leave things in the fear the bigger harder and more disabling we become and the more our behaviours reinforce them.
you can do it.you can.

SomeOtherDay well done you.yay for adventures to comes.you got this.

Whooomp · 09/03/2019 23:00

A few years ago a car crashed into me in a car park, into the rear passenger door where my tiny dd was. I got out and screamed at the other driver, it wasn't so much anger but panic. My dd was absolutely fine (I'm a massive worrier and believe me I checked ever inch of her!). Ever since I have felt terrible that i must have made the other driver feel rubbish with how I reacted.

op. Be kind to yourself, you didn't cause any damage to the baby and it was an accident.

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