Would you want to get an expensive gift for someone who didn't get you one at all?

[TotallyOrganisedMess]

My husband and I got married a couple of years ago and bought our first house together. We both come from large families and all of our siblings are adults and in steady financial positions, own houses, cars, professional jobs etc. Not that this matters, just setting some context..
My siblings all gave us gifts/money for our wedding/new house, we didn't ask for any gifts but they all wanted to and it was really nice of them and we greatly appreciated everything we were given.
From my husbands siblings, we only received a gift from his youngest brother. At the time, I didn't think anything of it. As I mentioned before, we weren't expecting any gifts so it didn't bother me at all. We have a good relationship with both sets of families and that's more than enough for me. I just assumed they don't really bother with wedding gifts for each other, my siblings and I don't give each other birthday presents but will make the effort when it's wedding/new house/baby, so each to their own.
The reason it is starting to bother me now is my BIL is getting married this summer, and is also moving into a house that he's in the process of renovating. The other day my husband told him to decide what he would like us to get them as a wedding present up to the value of £500, appliances for the house etc. I wouldn't normally mind but I feel like it's a very generous gift for someone who didn't get us anything. I would want to get them something, but probably something more along the lines of a nice hamper for their house, like I did for his sister when she moved house. Not £500!
Am I being totally unreasonable for thinking this?
My husband and I earn the same amount, have joint accounts etc so any gift would be from both of us, not just him. I am going to bring up the conversation with him but I don't know whether I would come across as being tight or petty about them not getting us anything.

I would assume your dh got the decimal point in the wring place and get him a pot plant for a fiver....

Was this bil the one that gave you a gift? As your dh has offered, you can’t really complain, especially with joint finances, what’s yours is his and vice versa. I’d be thoroughly pissed off, tho and would remind my dh that you were given fuck all if it’s not the bil that gave you a gift and match the value of it is.

I think it’s a bit petty. I don’t get the whole Well you didn’t get me a gift thing.

Your dh knows his brother didn’t buy a present but he still wants to help his brother out and buy a gift, nothing wrong with that. Your dh is an adult and clearly not a pretty one.

If it’s cost your worried about have a talk, just don’t Phrase it like a petty child

£500 is a week end away!!
Hardly a passing small gift!!
You dh is nuts!!

Would I bollocks.

Sorry I mean no I wouldn’t .

When it comes to people I like I give them what I want to give them. When it comes to people who are aquaintances or professional then I would go more for keeping things equal.

Even thought they hadn't got us a gift I would still get them a gift. But a gift worth £500? No way, that's a serious amount of money. However as your husband has already promised it I think you are a bit stuck between a rock and a hard place here.

£500?! Is your husband batshit? Or are you both on hefty salaries? Jesus no way would I spend that on a wedding gift.

Eh I tend to go like for like. My first wedding my brother and his now-wife gave us a present that was re-gifted from their engagement party - we wouldn’t have known except they told all and sundry at the wedding. So when they got married I made a framed collage of photos from the photo booth we had at our wedding, I figured I spent $30 on their gift when they spent $0 on ours.

i get them something as i dont enter into the whole " they didn't buy me anything" thing... but £500?! i dont fucking think so

No I would not, 500 is too much, many of my friends did not get me a wedding present years ago and I've bought them moving gifts and baby gifts so I was a little upset but I have never let it affect the friendship.

But I would not spend £500, never.

It is expensive maybe something smaller.
When my DBro got married, i was independent working and young 20s, i was single my hotel room cost 165 per night for the 2 nights, an outfit etc.
I bought them a photo frsme from a jeweller shop between my younger sister, O wasn't thinking at the time, I hadnt been to many weddings if any as an afult.
DSil was so pissed off with our side she mentioned her money gifts from her own many times, how she didn't need house gifts etc.
It wasn t intentional, Ive made up over the years with the DC etc. I still hold her reactions against her she was rude, I bet ill get a frame when I get married this year.

I really want to know what she's going to give you now EmeraldShamrock!

It really depends on how much £500 is for you. To me that's a massive amount, but if you've got it in loose change, that's a different thing.
In any case, your DH has said it now so it's already a big deal if you try and change it.

A pot plant would be suitable.

No.

FIVE HUNDRED QUID??? Are you millionaires?

If not, that’s WAY too much for a sibling. Especially assuming he’s not the youngest brother who at least got you something.

£50 John Lewis vouchers tops.

No I wouldn’t but since the offer has come from your husband not the brother there’s nothing you can do really.

No, no I would not. £500 is far too much unless you are loaded.

I would also assume that there had been a typo, & it was supposed to say £50 or £5.00. Unless your BIL helped your DH out in some significant way previously? It's not not about paying them back, it's about how close you are to them and/or the proportion of your disposable income.

£500! No I would not.

And unless you are so loaded that this is small change to you, I'd expect that sort of amount to be discussed with me in advance before being handed out to others from our joint income.

Because your DH can say he'll pay for it from 'his spends' all he likes but is he really going to go without treats to the value of £500 plus now he has to do it for every sibling?

If you are married, your savings are joint savings, if your DH needs new clothes they come out of the joint pot eventually unless you want to stand next to him in rags, you eat the same meals, go on the same holidays. What is he seriously going to give up for £500 that doesn't affect you eventually?

He's means £50 right? £500 is what a generous older relative like parent might contribute.

I’d be questioning my DH about why he had promised a £500 gift without discussing it with me beforehand, or does he make all the financial decisions about family money?

If your DH has any money that is considered as his own, then the £500 should come out of that.

I think 500 is ok for a close family member but as they have demonstrated they don’t do gifts that way I think it’s a bit much - your idea of a hamper sounds good