Dreaming about someone else

[Skiphoppa]

Okay not looking for advice but need to get something off my chest and feel like writing it down might help.

My husband and I met 13 years ago when we were both at secondary school (different schools) we were 16 when we got together. I am happily married, have a house together and a DD. I would like to make it very clear I am very happy in my relationship.

Back 13 years ago around the time we starting talking/getting to know each other and then eventually dating/seeing each other. I also had a small thing with a boy I was at school with (nothing sexual) just kisses (remember I was 15/16 at the time) and basically I had to decide which guy to date and choose my HB when I was was about 16/17.

I don’t have contact with the boy I left behind, we stopped talking about 6 months into me dating my HB we both found it quite difficult to end the friendship but it was for the best as he wanted to be with me and I was happy dating my bf (who i later on married) although did have feelings for the guy I left behind.

Anyways for many years In fact all the 13 years I occasionally have dreams (the dreams you have when your asleep) probably once a month and it makes me think about him for half an hour the next morning and then I get on with my day. Like I say I have no contact with this guy not even on social media but I know he is married with a DS and I am happy with my HB but these dreams make me think about this guy and I guess there is a part of me that loves him (or he has a bit of my heart) and I hate thinking about him the next day and what our life could have been like.

Sorry for the long post but needed to get it off my chest and can’t tell anyone IRL

Is this normal?

Okay I realise I would like some response on this post, rather than just getting it off my chest

I don’t think this is a problem or anything to feel guilty about, you didn’t have any other relationships before settling down with your DH so it seems normal that you would wonder what things could have been like with someone else. But it sounds like just an idle curiosity, not something you would ever act upon, and you have said that you’re very happy with your life and relationship. Everyone has their “what ifs” but as long as you’re not looking to make them a reality, you’re fine!

Definitely wouldn’t take any action on it but would like to stop these dreams that lead to thoughts the next morning! As sometimes they drive me a bit crazy as my head goes round and round with what ifs!

Were you seeing this guy first? I often dream about my first boyfriend from my teenage years. I assume that it's because he's the core of my romantic relationship schema, as in he's the experience that laid its foundations in my mind, & it's more efficient for my sleeping brain to use him as a template for that role in dreams rather than venturing further into the schema to find DH. So I wouldn't worry about it

Yeah I was sort of speaking to this other guy first, he was in my tutor group at school and lots of my classes so would spend a lot of time with each other chatting/flirting. My now HB went to a different school (met through mutual friends) and he was the one who I then choose to date (didn’t know at the time we would be together 13 years later but he turned out to be amazing!). I just feel bad dreaming about this guy I went to school with and I guess was in love with at the time of had a thing for!

I wouldn’t worry, its harmless. I probably wouldn’t tell my partner about it, but they are only dreams and I think we all find ourselves looking back at previous lovers etc every now and then!