Partner going out while I'm pregnant

[amieeb]

so I'm currently 12 weeks pregnant and going out to the pub or clubbing is something me and my partner would do quite regularly before I fell pregnant. So I have told me partner that I'm not really up for going out as I'm in a lot of pain and very tired a lot of the time. Now he thinks I am being unreasonable by asking him not to drink to the point of throwing up all night and barely being able to walk because I don't want to spend all night and day having to look after him. Tonight he has gone out and come home having had a ridiculous amount of drink and has throw up all over the bathroom and is falling all over the house calling my name. I want to know whether others think I am being unreasonable too.

1. Don’t clean it up ... let him do it and don’t look after him. .. if it’s once in a while fair enough ... but regular thing he has chosen to get that drunk... maybe he will learn ... self inflicted so no sympathy.

2. he kind of should be looking after you right now.

3. how old is he? As maybe the mid twenties hangovers will
   Kick in soon and put him off ... I know it did me 😂

Honestly though it’s going to be worse when little one is here if he continues ... if he can’t stop and that’s ok with you I would suggest he knows to stay downstairs and away from newborn until sober ... one drink fine but that kind of drunk is a hazzord to your future baby if he doesn’t calm it down... and you are going to resent him for it x

I think it’s unfair to expect him not to go out drinking if that was both your scene before but the way you’ve described it sounds like he’s being a pain in the arse. A conversation on how often and how out of control he’ll be needs to happen.

Also be prepared to hear lots of ‘only until the baby arrives and then I’ll step up’ bollocks. It doesn’t work like that and if he can’t/won’t adjust his own behaviour and habits before you given birth it won’t magically happen afterwards.

He needs a kick up his immature arse.

He can go out and do what he wants, he’s an adult. However, I’m not sure why you think you have to look after him, he should be cleaning up his own puke.

Let this happen a few times, completely ignore looking after him and see how long his behaviour lasts, once he realises you’re not running around after him he’ll soon stop.

I don’t want to judge but surely this was something you discussed before you got pregnant? There are so many things that being pregnant and having children restricts and this is probably the least of them. You need to sit down with him ASAP and discuss how things will work, at this rate you’re in for a lot of stress over things that should just be accepted. He doesn’t sound ready.

This is not a good sign for your future. I’d have no issue with DH going out without me sometimes, even once a week or more of work related. But getting disgusting drunk regularly and not giving a shit about you and his effect on you is a very bad sign.

You have 3 issues here.

1. He is drinking to excess which is unnecessary

1. You can't expect him not to go out because you are pregnant

1. You say you are in a lot of pain, that's not normal, have you seen your GP regarding this?

Don’t clear up after him, don’t look after him. He chooses to get that drunk, he faces consequences. It is hard not to feel resentful when pregnant especially, as you said, if you used to enjoy a dance/drink so talk to him (again, v clearly) but in the end only you know if this is a sign of an intrinsically selfish person and if you want this/him. My husband has had two glasses of wine in the last eight months as I’m pregnant and he doesn’t think it’s nice to rub my nose in it...he also eats blue cheese when I’ve gone to bed bless him...I have never asked him to do this, it’s hust how he is choosing to show he cares and keep me company. Does your partner shows he cares in other ways?

Can you go to a family member's or friend's house for the day today so you don't have to deal with it?

"because I don't want to spend all night and day having to look after him"

You don't have to leave him to it. Next time he goes out stay somewhere else if you can. He'll soon learn.

Clearly you need to spell it out to this loser.

You are making huge compromises carrying his baby. You are in pain, you feel unwell, your moods are affected, your body will be changed, you’ll have to go through birth etc etc and he can’t even be arsed to control his drinking a little. He needs to wake up.

You don't actually have to clean up after him, just leave him to it. Obviously he hasn't realised how much life will have to change. If this continues when you've had the baby then end it

Does/did he want this baby. If this is a shock reaction it's gone on long enough. I think you've got a binge drinker. He needs to find other ways to deal with his feelings. Don't put up with it, it's miserable. Give him a warning and split if neccessary. Hope he bucks up, alanon may help you, aa for him if he wants to stop and can't. Don't enable him in any way. Save your money he's wasting his.

Regularly getting so drunk that he vomits and can't look after himself is not a hobby, it's a concerning behavioural pattern.

Going out is fine! Getting absolutely bladdered like a 16 year old is going to have to stop. You are not being unreasonable OP!

Don't look after him today. Make him clean up his own vomit.