To be really upset

[WeCameToDance]

I feel utterly heartbroken and don't know if I am overreacting or not.
Ds is 3 and currently under assessment for ASD. He absolutely loves other children but doesn't understand boundaries and can be a bit overbearing. For example, he wants to run around and join in with other children but he stands a bit too close to them or wants to hug them and so they shy away. His language isn't where it should be either so they can't understand him very well.
I took him to soft play today. He did play with other children there but after a little while they run off and don't want to include him anymore. Nonetheless he seemed to have a great time. We got home and I asked him did he see lots of other boys and girls today and he told me that "the other boys and girls are scared off me". The way he said it broke my heart. Like a complete acceptance that he wasn't wanted. I want to cry.
It doesn't help that the nursery that he should be attending are being absolute gits about his start date. All I want is for him to make friends as he desperately wants too. I feel so helpless.

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This book is great when your kid feels like the odd one out

And of course yanbu. It's heart breaking when our kids have social problems.

I'm sorry I don't have any advice but of course Yanbu, poor little guy, broke my heart just reading

Thank you @lovestonap, I will order that book and see if it helps.
I just can't believe that he was perceptive enough to pick up on the other children being wary. I'm worried now about how much he understands and whether he has noticed this before.
It's all just so crap. He is the loveliest little boy and shouldn't have to feel like this.

@WeCameToDance I feel your pain. When DS1 was 4, he discovered that if he tickled people, they reacted and he understood a game .

Until school called us in and told us that he had to stop. I cried for a week because it was literally the only way he knew how to connect in any way with his peers.

He is now about to turn 10 and a great kid. He has a couple of NT kids and is in a special needs school with LOADS of friends who don't abide by rules he can't decipher.

But I do remember the stage you are at, and how very very alone I felt (for him and also for me)

Bless you - of course you're not being unreasonable - it's hard when it's your own child and that have been upset by something

It's hard at this age as he is so young and to be fair, lots of young kids don't really get the personal space thing.

I assume the kids at soft play are not ones he knows well? Hopefully, with children he gets to know well e.g. at nursery/school that will be used to the way he is and accept him for who he is (lots do!).

If he is perceptive enough to understand they are wary of him and his language is ok, would it help to maybe do some specific teaching of how to interact with his peers appropriately? Would probably help him to be at nursery as he would get a lot more experience of interacting with others. Have you had a look at social stories? These can be really good ways to introduce these sorts of ideas in a fun way. If you google search, I think the national autistic society website (or similar) have lots of information on social stories.

I will have a look at social stories. I'm willing to try pretty much anything.
I really think he would benefit from being in a nursery. He was referred to a playgroup for children with disabilities and he loves it but it's only once a week. They have said the same thing about him needing to attend 'normal' nursery so he can learn to interact with other children but the nursery are being arseholes about it. That would be a thread on it's own. If anyone has any advice on how to get the nursery to actually let your child attend without a million excuses on why they need to delay I'm all ears.

I suppose it would depend on what excuses they are giving but if you feel it is discrimination due to his additional needs then referring them to the disability discrimination act and the Sen code of practice would be good places to start! If their excuses really are invaid then I wouldn't hesitate to put in a complaint to ofsted. Any chance of looking for another nursery?

What excuses are the nursery giving you?

What happens if you talk to your DS about invisible bubbles which we all have around us and how not everyone likes their bubbles being burst?

It might be a way of explaining personal space to him?