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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel a bit peeved about this response?

16 replies

Mostlyn · 08/03/2019 11:37

I probably am BU and need to get over myself but anyway...

I've been friends with this person for years and years, since college in fact. Been on holidays together and stayed at each others homes, most recently she stayed at mine at New Year although I've not stayed at hers for several years as her home is v cluttered and she would normally have people to stay at her DPs house where she mainly lived. I have grown up kids, she doesn't have any. She has in the last 18 months split from her DP although she still sometimes stays at his home but he is now seeing someone else. I have gently encouraged her to sever ties but she hasn't yet.

In a few weeks we're due to go to a college reunion. She still lives in the area whereas I moved an hour or so away. The venue is a 10 min walk from her home.

I could drive there and back but I dont have a big night out often so was hoping to have a few drinks. Plus it's over an hour drive which I'd rather not do at 1am or later. So I asked friend if I could stay.

She basically said no, that wasn't possible and I'd need to think of an alternative. Ive never refused her to stay at mine and I feel slightly miffed.

There are no hotels within a few miles of the venue, the nearest is a £15-20 cab ride away. So that's £30-40 on taxis plus £70 for the hotel before I've even had a drink. So clearly I'll have to drive.

I've not said anything to friend but would you feel a bit upset by this?

OP posts:
Original poster
Mostlyn · 08/03/2019 12:34

Hmm... No one?

I think friend is staying at exs that night (I won't stay there as he is her ex) which may be reason for her saying no...

OP posts:
Shinyletsbebadguys · 08/03/2019 12:39

I'm afraid yabu you asked she said no

There really isn't a lot to it there is no obligation for her to say yes

If she had said yes then changed her mind you'd be right to be miffed but in this case not a leg to stand on I'm afraid

HogMother · 08/03/2019 12:39

I can understand you were expecting a yes based on past arrangements, but it’s totally her call. If she has plans then she has plans.

FromDespairToHere · 08/03/2019 12:41

It does seem very mean under the circumstances, but I would also say no because my house is a tip and I'm ashamed of it. If her home is cluttered then that might be it?

RiverTam · 08/03/2019 12:43

I would absolutely feel pretty upset by that! Of course I would!

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 08/03/2019 12:45

I would feel upset as well. If you don't want people staying at your house then it's pretty rude to sty at someone else's

FetchezLaVache · 08/03/2019 12:46

I don't think YABU to be peeved, but if she's a hoarder, she's probably really embarrassed about her house and/or there's no physical room for you to sleep (ExDH has two spare bedrooms neither of which you can get into, let alone sleep in!). Try Airbnb, there's bound to be somewhere nearer the venue.

Original poster
Mostlyn · 08/03/2019 12:49

I suppose if the positions were reversed I wouldn't say no. Or if I did I would have given a reason why.

She might be saying no because it's untidy, but if thats the reason she has a few weeks yet to tidy up if she feels she needs to (I'm not going to judge her if its not immaculate, i know her home is cluttered)

OP posts:
Original poster
Mostlyn · 08/03/2019 12:56

Airbnb is a good idea unfortunately theres nothing in the area thats any closer or cheaper than the nearest hotel.

OP posts:
FizzyGreenWater · 08/03/2019 13:26

Does she invite herself to stay at yours?

If so, next time:

'oh no it's ok, do feel free to stay at a hotel. I didn't realise you weren't keen on doing the staying over thing until the reunion. I won't be offended, please do get an airbnb this time, I can totally understand staying over is quite intense and I don't want you to feel you can't keep some distance when we get together.'

:)

OneStepSideways · 08/03/2019 13:32

I think you are being U, she may have something else planned for the date you want to stay. Another guest, or a date that could lead to her bringing a man home?

If you never stay at her home in order to spend time with her, yet want to stay there for convenience when you have a social event, she might be a bit offended.

Twizzleegg · 08/03/2019 13:32

Is there a WhatsApp group or Facebook page for the reunion? Can you ask if anyone else can put you up who lives nearby?

Huskylover1 · 08/03/2019 13:35

I'd be well pissed off too. She's stayed at yours loads, why on earth shouldn't she return the favour?

I'd get a hotel, suck up the taxi costs, and never host her at yours again!!

ChicCroissant · 08/03/2019 13:35

Yes, I think I'd be a bit miffed that someone who lives so close by and was going to the same event wouldn't let me stay tbh. I'd just drive on the night.

Original poster
Mostlyn · 08/03/2019 15:59

She's coming to the reunion so definitely no other plans. I see her regularly, often we meet in town/ daytime, others if we are out in the evening then she might stay at mine or I have (in the past) stayed at hers or her exs.

Although I do know other people going I haven't seen some of them for 20 years, it would feel a bit odd asking them to put me up. I think I'll just have to drive unfortunately.

OP posts:
RiverTam · 08/03/2019 16:03

that's a real shame. Can you stay in the college itself, do you think, as you are an alumnus? (No idea if this is a thing, just an idea). Or Airbnb?

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