To wish giving up alcohol wasn't this bloody hard

[losingthebottle]

I've been struggling with my relationship with alcohol for a while now. If I'm honest, its been going on since having my first DC(7) and being hit with the most horrible PND. Between then and having my second DC(2) I sort of got it under control, then PND came back with a vengeance, along with the drinking.

I haven't been drinking every day, not even every week and certainly not to the point of passing out, especially when caring for the children... so there's obviously an off switch there somewhere! I've also had a few breaks of weeks/months, each time thinking I just need a break and I'll be fine to go back to having one or two. Not so.

I've accepted now that, however hard I try, I can't control my relationship with alcohol and I really do want an alcohol-free life. I've realised how much it affects my anxiety and the way I function (or not) in general and I just don't want that for myself or my family anymore.

My last drink was last weekend (3 heavy nights in a row, visiting family) and I have felt horrible all week. Anxious, tearful, confused, can't concentrate. I'm pretty sure that's down to the drinking but can't help thinking, what if it doesn't go away this time and I've done serious damage to my mental health? What if I can't stay stopped and I'm going to be stuck in this cycle forever?

Aside from alcohol there are a lot of things in my life I'm unhappy with but I don't feel equipped to deal with anything as I can't maintain a clear head to know what's real and what's not.

Sorry I'm rambling now.

I self-medicated with alcohol to cope with depression and anxiety/panic attacks. I went from evening drinking to full on needing drink to get me through the day. If I drank I'd feel like I could cope so I'd drink, feel awful the next morning so drink again- so the cycle began and it escalated rapidly and somehow I was the last to notice.
Excessive drinking not only caused my mental health to suffer but also my physical health.
I ended up with blood poisoning due to toxicity and an abnormal heart rythem aftet one heavy day. I thought I was going to die. Since this event I have never touched another drop nor do I feel like it BUT I am living with PTSD as a result of it all.
Don't let it get to the stage where it takes a life threatening event to stop you drinking.
I was once just like you.

@BlueMerchant thank you. I'm sorry for what happened to you, well done for stopping though - still an amazing achievement xx

Its just one of those things you can't get away from these days. All my friends are drinkers, this 'wine o'clock' culture and the countless mummy bloggers that promote it. I really don't like the feeling of being different or the odd one out for choosing not to drink.

As a family we moved 1.5 hours away about 18 months ago (incidentally to my DH's hometown so not completely alien but still) and I've found it hard enough already to settle in and make friends and have felt quite isolated. It feels like one less thing I'll have in common with people.

If you’re on Facebook, join Club Soda, it’s a great closed group full of people who want to quit or cut down and I’ve found it really helpful. I’d also recommend reading some ‘quit lit’ like The Sober Diaries, Alcohol Explained, it helps you get a new perspective on alcohol.

As for feeling left out, true friends won’t be bothered whether you drink or not, and in time neither will you. Good luck and well done for taking the first step in realising that alcohol isn’t doing you any favours!

@Metalhead thank you, I'll have a look at some of those books. I'm always a bit wary of joining facebook groups incase it comes up on my news feed or something... if it's a closed group, will this happen? There seems to be more than one Club Soda page and not sure which one is best

I've felt I've had to rein in drinking alot too.

I just wanted to agree with the statement that the Mummy bloggers really promote it! I think it's important to remember that it is not real - they aren't really downing gin from a bottle every night. People think it's normal because they say they do, but it's meant as a joke!

I gave up drinking 3 years ago after doing dry January as I felt it gave me terrible anxiety! I loved wine and socialising with a drink but I read the book This Naked Mind and it totally changed my relationship with alcohol. I won't ever drink again I dont think!

I cut back and also suffered anxiety - alcohol causes that vicious cycle of creating anxiety and also feeling like you need it to dull it down again. After a few months of cutting down I feel loads better and have actually been able to come off anti-anxiety medication, so you won't have done any long-term damage.

I think once you have roughed out this stage (which IS rough) you will feel a lot better and more energised and many of these negative thoughts can be overcome.

Agree with pp this part is tough can you do another hobby at the time you would start to have a drink eg if you have a drink at 5 maybe go for a walk round the block with the little ones and perhaps when you get back if you eat you may not feel like a drink?

The Unexpected Joy of being Sober is a great read too

losing I’m a member of Club Soda Together, and nobody who’s not in the group can see anything you post on there.

Im in club soda too. Lots of good tips and support.

Thanks everyone for your replies

I'm just stuck in that 'why can't I just be a normal drinker?' phase. By 'normal' I just mean enjoying one or two, now and again. I know this train of thought is counter-productive in itself - it just makes things worse, but I really struggle to pull myself out of it.

The anxiety is by far the worse side effect, the lying awake at night, not being able to function effectively during the day... its completely debilitating. I'm also Type 1 diabetic, so how on earth I've not ended up in hospital yet is beyond me. Another reason it can't carry on.

Have you spoken to your GP? Sounds like you need new coping strategies and you're stuck in a cycle

Good for you for recognizing that the alcohol isn't actually helping and that you're better off without it.

Giving up drinking is bloody hard because regularly self medicating with alcohol makes neurochemical changes in your brain:

Molecular Basis of Alcoholism

You have symptoms because you are adjusting back to normal. They will get better with time and from your description it sounds like you may be over the worst of it. If it doesn't get easier, see your doctor. Alcohol dependence is a medical condition, nor a moral failing.

You are, when it clicks for you, going to LOVE being free of alcohol. Your social life will be just as good, you will taste food different and really taste it, you will feel relaxed without booze, you will bounce out of bed in the mornings (most of the time), sleep incredibly well and feel really great while knocking lots off your shopping bills, eating out will feel like it’s 50% off, your skin will glow and people will ask you in confusion how you look so well. I promise there are so many things to look forward to. Keep thinking about the positive things that WILL happen. Not feeling hungover / guilty / anxious / out of control due to booze. Your other issues will be easier to deal with, with a clear head. Hangovers make nothing easier.

I struggled with self medicating with alcohol for YEARS and never thought I could give up.

Have drunk once in the last six months and felt rubbish after and now feel no real desire to. And I feel FANTASTIC.

I think an important thing is to accept that it will change your social life. But that once you work through that you realise the change is actually a really good one and you will end you doing much more satisfying things.

I have another friend who used to be a VERY heavy drinker but has very happily given up. And she says you have to work harder for your fun when you're sober. And she's very true - once you're sober you can't unseen how alcohol is used to make things that aren't that great to look shiny and seem fun, when without the booze they really wouldn't be.

The reality is that you will probably not really want to hang out with "mummy drinkers" for hours (of course if you do still want to you can!!) and that is not a bad thing. You will find other nurturing and more satisfying things to do with sober friends.

I was sooooooo worried I wouldn't make sober friends. Now a lot of the friends I've made don't drink and they're fab. And when I see my drinking friends they become pretty unfun once they've had a few.

So my advice is instead of focussing on not drinking - focus on building up a lifestyle that doesn't depend on alcohol. And then you will find that after a while you will be doing more non drinking than drinking things and all of a sudden it will be easy to give up the booze.

My advice is to get a dog. Lots of hearty walking outdoors and a very satisfying thing to do with your time!

I stopped drinking and smoking. For a good 6 months I felt rubbish. Really angry and with terrible mood swings. I used to suffer anxiety badly and luckily that stopped but I was very unhappy. I suppose removing the thing that dulled my feelings meant I had to deal with them! I'm the happiest I've ever been now all that has passed. I do drink now but quite rarely and try to take care of myself in lots of ways - good diet, enough sleep, time outside etc. Don't worry it will pass!

I gave up drinking 5 years ago and enjoy everything much more now - gone are the regular regrets of some inappropriate behaviour and so on whilst under the influence. Happier, healthier and a tiny bit richer. Your problems will seem less without the shame/guilt of drinking excessively too ... try it - it can’t make things worse.