Posting here for traffic, I have a duplicate thread in postnatal health but I'm feeling quite desperate.
I'm really struggling at the moment. My life has become such a mess. Me and my partner split up on New Year's Day and I'm living with my family and my 8 month old.
I've never had the huge rush of love for my son that people describe. I think I love him but it's not an overwhelming feeling. I am incredibly protective of him though which is causing a great deal of anxiety for me.
I have suffered from anxiety for as long as I can remember but it's just been so ramped up since I had my son.
I also have emetophobia and my son has been ill with a tummy bug on and off for the past week. I panic every time he cries. I feel so awful for being so scared, I know he's probably picking up on it and I hate myself for making this worse for him.
I've also just felt so emotionless (apart from the anxiety and sometimes anger (at my time ex, not baby).
I'm so scared that if I tell my health visitor or a doctor then if my ex tries to get custody (which he has threatened) then he will win.
Honestly, at the moment I feel like running away from everything but I can't because I know my baby would end up with my ex and he's not a good person.
I'm also breastfeeding and want to continue for as long as my son wants me to and so I'm worried that the only thing that would help is medication and that I'd have to stop breastfeeding. Please help