Neverland thinking about my abuse

[Daffodildainty]

I’ve been watching the Neverland documentary and thinking about some long buried memories of adolescence. When I was around 11 I was regularly in the company of a family friends - including their 18 year old girl and 20 year old boy and their fiends. They plied me with alcohol and there were a couple of kissing situations with 2 x 19 year old boys. At the time I was pleased with the attention - I was a tall skinny awkward adolescent. When I was 12 the son of the family ( then aged 21 and a police cobstable) took me for a a drive to a deserted castle - he went off with his girlfriend and his friend took me inside and seriously sexually assaulted me. I had no idea what was happening and it just stopped short of sex when I pretended I might get pregnant ( I wasn’t actually menstruating then) . For more than 40 years I’ve felt guilt at my behaviour. I couldn’t tell my mother who had been recently widowed and I was really traumatised my dad’s death ( he was murdered in the Northern Irish troubles). My mother did everything she could to protect me and yet I became a victim. I’m angry but I understand why accusers don’t accuse. I’ve never told anyone. The police officer is retired now and they no longer have connections with my family. Not an AIBU - more a question about how widespread grooming and abuse really is. Is anyone else out there revisiting childhood abuse memories in the light of The Nevwrland documentary?

I haven't suffered childhood abuse but wanted to say you have absolutely no reason to feel any guilt over your behaviour. You were a young girl who was taken advantage of by an older man. I hope even just sharing your experience on here proves in some small way to be cathartic for you.

Please try and get some counselling for it though because you are carrying alot of shame and guilt which will hinder you. Im sure this documentary will trigger many more.

I watched it too, and it was the absolute epitome of how this goes on and abusers so vehemently protected really not realising how awful it is until they are older and a long time out of it. Or something triggering happens, like for him his brother dreaming about his baby being abused, and he had to tell him and couldn't pretend it didn't happen any more.

To think MJ got away with this, with so many children for so many years!!

What were these dms thinking leaving their young DC to have 'sleepovers' with an adult male???

I hope you are OK OP and can find some good support.

Oh OP, I'm so sorry. You shouldn't feel guilty at all, but as someone who also suffered sexual abuse I understand exactly why you do, as I do the exact same almost 30 years on.

You're actually really strong for confronting this, for not letting these bastards destroy your life.

Very best wishes to you