Smear/ Abortion dilemma

[Feelingstupid123456789101112]

This possibly may not be the right place to post... I’m not sure and really need advice.

I posted recently about my smear, I didn’t receive the results in the post but did get a text about a hospital appointment, made appointment for colposcopy although nobody could really tell me why. Posted here and had some really great advice and reassurance.

On Monday, I started to worry that my period may coincide with my appointment. Did some quick maths and realised I was very late so I took a test (3!) on Tuesday and I am pregnant. On Wednesday I went to the GP and asked for advice on a termination, he referred me for a medical termination as I’m around 7 weeks. I asked if I should go ahead with colposcopy and he said yes, the changes to my cells are classified as ‘severe’ hence the reason for the immediate referral (I didn’t know it was urgent as I hadn’t received results and never before had an abnormal smear). Got to the appointment today and was told the cells are pre-cancerous (perhaps GP thought I knew this?!) and I could not have a biopsy or treatment during pregnancy. So it seemed pointless to go ahead with colposcopy today, I was advised to get in touch after my termination to go ahead and was also given advice on how to proceed if I go ahead with pregnancy.

I think this is where I run into trouble. I have teenage children, I was very young when I had them and have always known I don’t want more. I’ve brought them up on my own and worked hard, we’ve had tough times. I was married to a very abusive man but I’m proud of where we are and the unit we have built. I have also always been pro-choice, I don’t have any moral objections to abortion but now that it’s my body and my lump of cells, I’m struggling. I know there is a heart beat. I know things are developing and I ‘feel’ pregnant. I realistically cannot have a baby and don’t want to. But it isn’t as straight forward and clinical as perhaps I thought it would be.

I also want to sort my health issues now, I want to be healthy for my actual living breathing children. I have the implant, I never expected this and am honestly such a mess.

Sorry to hear you're going through this Have you spoken to BPAS?

I'm sorry I can't be of much help in regards to your feelings about a termination but I didn't want to read and run. My ds3 has just turned 9 months but when I first found out I was pregnant I also received an abnormal smear test result which tuned out to be pre cancerous cells. I had a colposcopy and was told that they would not be able to treat me whilst pregnant so would monitor me instead. I had 3 colposcopys altogether until after ds was born and I was treated. Yeah it's bloody scary knowing all of that is going on down there and you can't just get it sorted but you're in the best hands. I'm currently just waiting for my 6 month check up smear.

Put your living, breathing children first. Do what will ensure you're there for them.
When I was 17w with dc4 I needed an urgent operation. I was advised 90%chance of losing the baby, 50% chance I'd die before it could be born if I didn't have it.
I didn't think twice, was in theatre within the hour.
I'm very lucky, dc4 was born healthy but I would never have regretted my decision if it had gone the other way