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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to show my kids the world?

59 replies

Fluff1978 · 07/03/2019 15:26

Divorced 5 years ago. I have three kids. Recently sold my business so have free time (so grateful) and cash to spend. I want to give my kids and adventure that they will remember all their life.

Am I being unreasonable to want to take my kids (they will be 16, 12 and 10) away travelling round North Australia, New Zealand, and some of South East Asia for 6 weeks of the summer holidays next year? Older two are in private school so get nine weeks off. We’d be away 6 of those.

Ex husband has said absolutely not-that six weeks is too long for them to be away from him and that, that he absolutely won’t allow it, and that I’m being selfish.

AIBU? Need a sense check before I decide whether to pursue it legally

OP posts:
ScorpiaForCatra · 07/03/2019 17:07

Depends how you'd feel if he took the kids away from you for 6 weeks.
Which I'm sure you'd be fine with... Until it happened.

kaytee87 · 07/03/2019 17:13

Well how often does he usually see the kids?

DoneLikeAKipper · 07/03/2019 17:13

@ContessaIsOnADietDammit, so glad it’s not just me!

Personally I’d do 3-4 weeks one year and then again the following year. I think 6 weeks may be unfair on your ex, and actually it might be a bit much for the kids as well.

MariaNovella · 07/03/2019 17:16

No of course you aren’t being unreasonable! Can’t your exH have the children for an extended period the following summer in exchange?

N0rdicStar · 07/03/2019 17:18

Being a dick because he doesn't to be apart from his kids for 6 weeks.Hmm

MariaNovella · 07/03/2019 17:19

Six weeks apart to allow his DC to go on a wonderful mind broadening life changing trip? It would be very selfish to deny them the opportunity.

N0rdicStar · 07/03/2019 17:24

I wouldn't call Australia life changing. It isn't a necessity to do 6 weeks. Plenty of amazing experiences you can do for shorter periods of time whilst thinking of a father's feelings and those of your children. My dc would hate to be apart from their dad that long.

MariaNovella · 07/03/2019 17:26

I think it’s good for DC to travel. My DD went to the US on her own for a month when she was 8.

N0rdicStar · 07/03/2019 17:29

Not going for 6 weeks doesn't mean you can't travel.

kaytee87 · 07/03/2019 17:31

@MariaNovella surely she didn't go on her own? 😂

MariaNovella · 07/03/2019 17:31

You get more out of a really long trip - more time to move out of your universe and into another.

MariaNovella · 07/03/2019 17:31

Yes she did!

kaytee87 · 07/03/2019 17:32

Your 8yo went to America by herself? So no accompanying adult?

N0rdicStar · 07/03/2019 17:34

Unfortunately said children don't live with their dad so will have to wait until they're older( like the vast majority). Not exactly a hardship.

MariaNovella · 07/03/2019 17:36

Yes!

MariaNovella · 07/03/2019 17:39

Actually, she went in her own at 7 for the first time, but only for 3 weeks.

pinkgloves · 07/03/2019 17:47

Double standards on mn as usual. Hmm

How is he a dick or selfish for not wanting to be apart from his kids for 6 weeks?!

MariaNovella · 07/03/2019 17:51

6 weeks is really not long!

ethelfleda · 07/03/2019 17:54

I think it’s wonderful you want to do this for your children. However, I can understand their dad not wanting to be away from them for so long so I agree a compromise is a good idea. You can get a fair bit done in three weeks. When we went backpacking we never stayed anywhere more than 3 nights!

stayathomer · 07/03/2019 17:55

Of course an amazing trip but like other posters, it is a huge amount of time to be away from your kids...

Purpleartichoke · 07/03/2019 17:59

Spending time with a parent is important. Do you have 50/50 throughout the year or does he rely on summer for time? Could you make a trade. You take the kids for the summer, but they live with him next school year?

stayathomer · 07/03/2019 18:28

You take the kids for the summer, but they live with him next school year

Whoa!!!

thecatsthecats · 07/03/2019 19:05

Agree that it's actually a bad time of year to go to those places!

Can you do 3 weeks possibly over Christmas? We did 8 days in Thailand and 16 days in NZ over that time for our honeymoon, and splitting the jetlag in two really worked too, and they were good seasons for each country.

fargo123 · 08/03/2019 10:31

Could you do two weeks,come home for a week, then another two weeks?

Waste of time and money, as are other suggestions to only go for three weeks.

I wouldn't even consider a trip such as this for less than five or six weeks minimum.

Ex is being selfish wanting to deny his kids the chance to travel like this.

Birdsgottafly · 08/03/2019 10:43

MariaNovella, your 7 year old got on a plane and then went to stay were? They didn't go to the US 'on their own'.

OP, just cut down the travel time to a month. Your children might be happier with that, anyway.

Travel is fantastic, but it's also tiring and plays havoc with the immune system, different food etc.

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