To try controlled crying?

[Thatsnotmyotter]

DS is 6 months. Slept great until about 15 weeks. Then we had six or so weeks of absolute hell. Then slept a bit better for a couple of weeks. Now we’re back to waking every 1-1.5 hours (or every 10-20 minutes if put down in the cot) and only settling with a feed. I’ve finally managed to get him to accept sleeping in the cot again by buying a sleepyhead (at great expense!). I have no issue feeding him at night but bloody hell I would kill for even a three hour stretch of sleep. He’s just completely forgotten how to link his sleep cycles at all. Co-sleeping just isn’t a viable option anymore as he’s massive, I get ridiculously hot and uncomfortable and he wriggles so much! (And it doesn’t help him or me sleep anyway).

I never thought I’d be thinking about leaving him to cry but tbh I think I’d be a much nicer mum (and more sane human being) if we were getting some more sleep, and I feel like a few days of distress for us all would be worth the long term gain. He’s in our room as my experiment with moving him into his own room was disasterous... I’m not sure how this would work with CC/sleep training.

Can anyone offer any advice or experiences?

I should add that he is either breastfed or (less commonly) cuddled or rocked to sleep at the moment. He has pretty much no idea how to fall asleep on his own. 😩

You wouldn’t be unreasonable, no. But you sound like you’d really struggle and I believe that consistency is key for these things...and a true belief it is the right thing to do. And I’m not convinced you do think it’s right.
Are there other ways you can get sleep? Naps during the day? An earlier bedtime? Have you looked at gentler sleep training methods like “pick up put down” or similar?

You have my sympathies- I just coslept without a husband in the bed for space sometimes or used a full size cot with a side off (often ended up in it myself instead of baby)
And now I love my child free bed- it doesn’t last forever. But you’re not unreasonable at all... (strong coffee to keep you awake during the day!)

He actually does sleep 6.30/7pm-7.30/8am and we are usually in bed by 9 at the latest so I’m definitely getting enough sleep in the sense that I probably get 7 or 8 hours altogether but it’s the brokenness of it! He only feeds for about 10 minutes overnight but I then struggle to fall back to sleep, often lying awake until his next wake up!

He’s in a three sided cot next to me but until the addition of the sleepyhead absolutely refused to settle in it. Even with me cuddling him half in the cot 😂😩

I guess I was probably thinking more along the lines of pick up put down/controlled comforting. I don’t really know tbh.

Does he have a dummy? Maybe this would help rather than feeding him?

(Obviously not saying not to feed him but I mean not every time to get him back to sleep?)

He won’t take a dummy. I’ve tried relentlessly. He will occasionally chew one for a bit when his teeth hurt but that’s it. I’ve tried tapping it, holding it in, giving it when he’s mostly asleep, easing the nipple out and sneaking the dummy in... nothing seems to work!

Ah bless you, it must be tough 😩 I’m sure you probably have but just to double check have you tried different brands? My DS hated Tommee tippee but settled really well with MAM ones, I’m not surprised you’re exhausted 😔 broken sleep is the worst

Or perhaps putting a bit of your milk on the end?

Exactly same situation with 8 month old, and seriously considering cc too. Just spent £150 on a sleep consultant that hasn't worked doing it the gentle way

We’ve tried them all. We had limited success with the Nuk ones. He just has no interest. It’s not even like it’s just tongue thrust reflex. He gets actively annoyed about being given a dummy when he’s tired 😂

Didn't want to read and run so just a quickie but I got on really well with a website and book called Precious Little Sleep. Different ways of doing a gentler form of CC.
If it's any consolation mine was bf and fed every 1.5-2 hrs at night, each feed 20-30 mins. Nearly broke me. Somehow she was sleeping in her own bedroom in 1-2 feeds per night by 8 months so it really does get better!! You are doing a great job, it's hard!

That’s reassuring Badger!

I thought it might improve once he started solids but he’s eating three meals per day and has an enormous appetite and it makes no difference. I even cut his afternoon nap out today (yesterday) to see if taht would help but nope, it’s exactly the same.

It’s so hard and the lack of sleep / broken sleep makes it feel worse.

We used some of the stuff on this website www.tresillian.org.au/advice-tips/settling/6-12-months/ and it took a few weeks / consistency/ perseverance but eventually it helped.

We also introduced a comforter muslin. I’d wear it all day in my bra so it would smell of me then while settling get baby to cuddle it etc eventually he started using it to self settle.

Maybe he wants his mum for whatever reason.

It worked for us after a couple nights. I'm all for it but you have to be absolutely consistent and not give in. I get sleep now and DS is less of a feral animal during the days now that he's not up every hour all night

Hi I had almost exactly the same. Was ending up doing Co sleeping and waking every 90 min minimum and only settling with feeding. Basically was a habit wake. I couldn't go on and it was destroying my sanity and felt like it was ruining my mat leave

I waited til 7 months as wanted to be sure she was getting enough food in the day and didn't need night feeds but sounds like you're there. Also so she could roll both ways and not get 'stuck' in one position in bed

I tried lots of gentle stuff and stuff off the Internet and no luck

We got in a sleep consultant and she recommended the disappearing chair method. Said my husband should do the first 3 nights to really break the association of sleep with feeding then me a couple then alternate so she knows the routine is important not just the person who puts her to bed. Up to 10 nights in total. We started as we meant to go on so moved her into her own room. Last feed then a bedtime routine with a story and song then put to bed awake. Chair next to the cot. Could comfort through the bars but ended up picking her up when she became v distressed. If woke in the night we had to wait a min then go in and sit next to her. We were only allowed to feed within 2 specific windows. The first night took an hour to get to sleep and woke to feed once. The second night she took 40 min to get to sleep and didn't wake for a feed! Every 3 nights moved the chair away slightly until half out the door and eventually just put her down awake and walked out. Every night waiting an extra min to go in if she cried. Not going to lie there was a fair bit of crying but I didn't feel as bad leaving her to cry by herself. 7 months later it is still working though she still hates going to bed with a passion. You do need to be committed and consistent and this is probably where the sleep consultant helped giving us the confidence to follow through with it and not crack!

Well I was all up for this but my husband has come off his bike badly on the way to work this morning. 😢

God I’m so sleep deprived (just could not get myself off to sleep even when he was sleeping), that last post seemed so irrelevant. DH being taken into hospital by ambulance, sleep training not really a priority now!

Morning op, really hope hubs is ok!
Just referring to your original post, is baby in a sleep next to me or full sized cot?
At six months my but was big, and found it uncomfortable in the sleep next to me... Mattress is very thin. Put him in his cot in his room and no problems since, wishing you lots of luck.

Obviously that should say baby not but! Lol

Oh my God I hope hes ok! Sending you lots of love

Hope your husband is ok OP!

Broken neck. He’s okay but obviously immobilised. We’ee Waiting for the spinal team to come and see him and make a plan.

bloody hell, thinking of you both and hoping he has a speedy recovery

O gosh hope your husband will be ok! I know it's not your main priority now but just wanted to say controlled crying method worked for us. But it's very distressing and I started it when dh was away so I didn't feel so guilty and there was less chance of me giving in