To be annoyed with people’s comments about mental health?

[Dancer12345]

Yesterday I made a jokey daft comment to people in a hobby group I attend. Everyone laughed and joined in, except for one woman who looked at me very disdainful and said “oh dear. Keep taking the tablets”. This woman doesn’t know me outside of this hobby group, and doesn’t know that I’m on antidepressants, but regardless I don’t feel it’s an appropriate comment to make.

A friend then said to me today about her sister “she’s nuts. She’s on tablets”. This same person has previously said of her mum “she’s clearly got issues, shea I’m happy pills”. Both of these comments were said in a very judging way, not lighthearted even. Very derogatory. I actually said to this person “lots of people are on tablets, it’s really common”. She didn’t really respond and moved on.

As I suffer with my mental health, I’m probably over sensitive to stuff like this. I’m just fed up with people’s attitudes though. Anyone can be hit by mental health issues, just like anyone can be hit by cancer, a heart attack, etc. People wouldn’t be so harsh about that.

I’m having a bad few days so this has probably hit me harder than it would have at other times. I’m just fed up of the stigma.

*she’s on happy pills

YANBU - they sound like arseholes and they're shitty comments to make. People always think it's fine to make comments about stuff until it's them that's affected by it.

Yanbu. Best ignore ignorant comments my Dsis often describes others as nuts who need psychological help.
I used to get annoyed, At times if I hear it I will call the person out for being offensive. Mostly I ignore.
I have had mh issues.
I think people dont realise how it comes across.

YADNBU.

They have no idea. Wishing you well.

I think their tone was unacceptable but not necessarily the comments. Said in a light hearted way, it would be quite dark comedy but there's nothing inherently wrong with that. I have a whole host of mental health problems and that Edward Monkton 'We must take our tablets or we will all go mad card with all the different types on is still the best card I've ever received.

I love mad/crazy/pill jokes. They help me feel more normal.

But if they were def being judgy then no, YANBU.

My dh has bipolar and our dc would joke with him saying " keep taking the tablets Dad" and he laughs. He prefers that than noboby ever mentioning it and it being a don't mention the war type of situation.
Still l do agree about people being insensitive as l have had people say to me about someone having being in a mental hospital in a jokey way when dh has regularly being in one.
I hope you have a better day today.

There are differences between making a lighthearted joke with a friend/family member whose situation you are aware of and support (like Junebirthdaygirl's example) and making a general comment about mental health treatment in a derisive way to imply fault/distaste.

The former is totally fine, but the latter is what you're referring to OP and it displays the stigma still around MH, and those people you mention are naive at best, aresehole judgy mcjudge pants at worst.

Yes I totally agree about it being ok if it’s a lighthearted joke between friends/family who are both happy with that. Possibly the first example could’ve been taken more that way, there was still a look of disdain but I could possibly see how it could’ve been meant as more of a jokey way. The second example definitely not though.

@HarrysOwl I love the “arsehole judgy mcjudge pants”! Going to think of that next time someone says something similar!

My brother has quite a serious mental health issue and I am used to terrible attitudes and unrealistic expectations eg expecting him to act like a well person. It’s sad but many still don’t understand

Having worked for over 30 years as a RMN it is often those people with the most serious mental health problems such as bipolar or schizophrenia who describe themselves as 'going crazy again' or 'becoming mad again' when they experience a relapse.

Dotty, in that case it's the sufferer themselves articulating how they're feeling, not a comment as a judgement of someone else - slightly different to what the OP is referring to.

Tricky one!
I think often if we feel we're reasonable in taking offence then it's very easy to feel offended and the result of that is feeling shit about yourself, it hurts you in the end.
But obviously those are inappropriate comments and make it very difficult to build understanding of MH issues which then lead to useful change on the institutional level.
On the other hand as I said before, it falls on the head of the individual to deal with it when you have a culture of recognising & legitimising offence, so in that sense it do more harm than good, because they are the ones who have to deal with feeling wronged and that is an awful way to feel, like a debt hasn't been settled. Your feelings are real, but would they happen if you didn't feel you were owed a certain understanding? But then if you were to become more resilient (I mean that in a neutral way - not attaching any social value to resilience, as in 'you're a better person if you have a thick skin') then yes you'd feel better in yourself but what about other people who can't just stop being sensitive to things people say and who really do benefit most from being around gentle people who are more pluralistic & can see things from lots of different viewpoints.
And then of course toughening yourself up isn't as simple as simply deciding that what they're saying isn't offensive, that's only one reason it could hurt feelings (though tbh I do think it accounts for a lot of stress caused by 'taking offence' type situations - AIBU is a case in point - if you can convince an OP they're overreacting I think often they will feel much better!).

Also I'm sorry you know so many people who don't mind being rude! Never mind about offensive, it's clearly hostile before anything else so must be v. unpleasant just in that sense.

hope you have a better weekend

I don't think you're being unreasonable, that was a very rude thing to say to someone you are barely acquainted with, particularly in such a tone with such a look.

You can take tablets to help you with mental health issues. (Which are no more a reflection on a person than having a physical health issue, particularly when you are being proactive about managing them, rather than burying your head in the sand and pretending they don't exist.) Sadly the tablet hasn't been invented yet that cures rude and unpleasant.

OP. If the person had said "keep drinking" would have found it offensive?

The feeling comes from you, not the other person. Why have you chosen to find her words offensive? That's the issue you should consider.

Why have you chosen to find her words offensive

The OP's point is about the evident cultural stigma of mental health issues, and comments like the OP raised are unkind and judgemental.

It's not acceptable and needs to change. Men, in particular, are far less likely to reach out for help due to the stigma of mental health issues and negative comments like 'she's nuts' reinforce the ideology of mental health being something to be ashamed of, a weakness.

Mental health should be considered in the same way as physical health, it needs to be kept healthy and positive, and sometimes you need support and/or medication to facilitate your mental health, just like you may take vitamins and go to a gym to look after your body. I'm heavily simplifying here, but it's not about 'choosing' to be offended.

My dad once said to me in a sarcy tone 'take one of your pills' when we were arguing about something and it devestated me. I foubd it really shaming, and I have a dark sense of humourbut some things just aren't funny. I don't think you're BU

I don’t think it’s a case of me choosing to find her words offensive. That wouldn’t be an argument for other stigmatised issues, such as physical disabilities, racism, sexism, etc. I’ve said that due to feeling a bit rubbish I’ve possibly taken it harder than I would on another occasion, but as others have said, it’s rude. It’s unhelpful, it doesn’t help the stigmas involved and it’s unnecessary.

@velourvoyageur You make some interesting points. I am a sensitive person and probably wouldn’t be described as thick-skinned. However, if people didn’t make such comments then it wouldn’t matter how thick-skinned a person was. I think sometimes that if a person is rude or whatever, the problem is with them and I try not to let it affect me. Comments about mental health, disability, race etc I think fall outside of this though. Not sure if I’m making any sense but I know what I’m trying to say! Comments like this show someone’s ignorance and lack of understanding but equally that doesn’t mean the receiver doesn’t or shouldn’t find it offensive.

Have to also consider that if we were able to pick and choose what we found offensive purely to make our lives more comfortable, if we were autonomous in this way and didn't look to others to corroborate the legitimacy of our feelings, well first of all your respect of the concept of 'offence' would become very shaky ('you subscribe to it all or not at all', kinda thing), and then it would be really hard for us to make any sense of each other. We have to artificially get closer in order to be able to engage with each other as people at all. Think about it, how difficult it would be to communicate if we didn't believe in the idea of truth.

It's this kind of cultural regulating of emotion that makes it possible for humans to be on the same wavelength and to actually communicate, even if it has to be in a 'controlled environment' so to speak where feelings are then artificially produced. So no, I don't think it's helpful to tell people 'choose not to find things offensive' - like you can be independent-minded to a certain extent but too much and you're just going to be shut out.
(sorry 4 pomo ramblings)

I get you OP. You only have to read social media to see frequent references to people being described as "mental", "psycho", "should be in the funny farm". What they mean is "I dislike that person", but they'd rather use a derogatory term instead, and mental health terms are apparently acceptable in that way.

You'd never hear someone talk about an oncology ward as the funny farm, so why is it acceptable to refer to a mental health unit like that?

Considering 1 in 4 people have mental health difficulties you’d think people would be more understanding. A lot are - when I’ve opened up with people, I’ve been amazed at how many have said “I have anxiety too” or “my husband suffers from depression”. Then you get some who are just...