Talking about people on here....

[Thisisnotadrill]

What do people think about “venting” or relieving frustrations about people on here?

Is it a safe place to have a bit of a bitch/vent without hurting the person and get your own thoughts into perspective?

Or is it totally out of line?

*annonymous vent sorry ...

Better here than to their face I suppose.

I'd say it's fair enough but be prepared to be, potentially, flamed.

I'd love to have a vent but it's kind of work related and would be hugely identifying.

I agree - esp if it’s something they will not want to hear but you feel strongly about.

Having a moan to bunch of strangers without naming someone or using your own name so it never affects anyone in real life is much better than talking to mutual friends etc isn't it?

At least 50% of Mumnset is posters bitching about other people.
Do you think it’s out of line?

@pictish

No - not at all.

Dunno how I would feel if I recognised myself as the subject though

The very first time I posted on here was so I could tell someone (anyone) that I was pregnant. My DH was on his stag do and I was given the best advice...it was amazing and I couldn't have told anyone before my DH. Everyone said exactly the same thing and I managed to keep it to myself for 48hrs. I'm so incredibly grateful to those people that I can never be mad at Mumsnet...I had no one else to tell.

I've just basically done this haha... I find it helpful to say everything I'm thinking to people who don't know anyone involved.
Let's me get it all out and then carry on pretending everything's ok annoyingly

It’s an anonymous forum - what do you expect?

Obviously some very specific situations may be identifying (especially if the thread goes viral), but with most stories you can change a few details.

It’s supposed to be annoymous yes.

So if you saw a situation you recognised but you knew the person wasn’t a Mumsnetter would you tell the subject anyway even if it would hurt them and potentially there would be a huge fallout?

I wouldn't tell them but there's a chance it could end up in the papers so maybe it's not a great idea if you're afraid they could find out!

The papers thing is the worst.

I remember that lady who posted a homemade mother’s day card from her DD slagging it off.

She shouldn’t have done it but I felt so sorry for her.

"So if you saw a situation you recognised but you knew the person wasn’t a Mumsnetter would you tell the subject anyway even if it would hurt them and potentially there would be a huge fallout?"

Wouldn't you? If you knew a non-mumsnetter, and that person had a friend that they thought liked them, but you saw a post online that showed the person they thought as a friend was actually being quite horrible about them, would your sense of friendship to your friend not be the most important thing?

The fall-out issue is surely blaming the messenger? Change the scenario a little - what if you knew a friend's husband was having an affair, or using prostitutes or whatever? Telling her would cause a huge fall-out -but surely you would? Isn't it the same principle? You know something about a friend's relationship that shows that relationship is based on a falsehood? I'd definitely say something because otherwise they are being made a fool of? I'd definitely hope someone would tell me.

Though I guess the safest solution is generally never say things about someone that you wouldn't say to them - whether its to friend, anonymous internet forums or whatever! Be honest in your interactions with people, even if it means falling out; at least everyone knows where they stand :-)

I’ve had this @befriendly! I was the messenger and now I’m being verbally attacked.

I think that I was being a true and loyal friend , something I look for in all my friends. I would hope that if a post was written about me that any and all my friends would tell me .

Be honest in your interactions with people, even if it means falling out; at least everyone knows where they stand

Nice to think you could be like that but it’s pretty unrealistic isn’t it.

People often don’t like it when we are honest.

People do like it when people are being honest xxx

Not unreasonable to vent on here but totally unreasonable to think that anywhere online is a safe space. Online safe space is an oxymoron - friendships change, screenshots are a thing. Only ever post things you’d say to someone’s face or would be happy to have displayed under your actual name.

People often don’t like it when we are honest.

No, but if there are people in your life that you honestly dislike because of what they do, then being honest to their face is surely a more palatable solution than lying to their face and criticising them elsewhere?

Depends. I find it very, very easy these days to walk away from people who behave like dicks, so no need to post for advice on one of the 'should I dump this friend?' threads. If it's got so far as needing to ask this, it's probably dead in the water in any case.

In-laws and problem family members are another matter entirely. Shared DNA seems to give some people a free pass for being demanding, controlling, emotionally-manipulative arseholes. And the spouses who grew up with this as their childhood normality are often blind to this behaviour and resistant to opposing it, so careful-treading is a necessity. I find the advice given on those threads interesting, and the need to vent totally understandable.

Intimate relationships: well, who doesn't need to offload about those from time to time? But on a more serious note, some women have posted about situations that are recognizably abusive, had their eyes opened to the fact that no, behaviour like this is not normal, and extracted themselves from what sound like damaging and even potentially dangerous relationships. That's all to the good, I'd say.

@thisisnotadrill I think it depends on the post , if it’s about someone else and nothing that concerns you then I don’t think you should post it