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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to worry about visiting potential new friend

42 replies

Fishywife · 06/03/2019 13:27

I do have mild social anxiety but this has been exacerbated by pregnancy hormones!

Pregnant with my first, have been invited round by a friend of a friend who has a 9 month old. I am very keen to make new 'mum' friends so excited to have been invited. I'm due there at 7:30 which she said it good as her son is usually asleep.

I'm overthinking things... should I bring something (flowers? wine is probably a no-go) should I phone her when I'm outside in case knocking the door wakes the baby... I have only met her briefly a couple of times and obviously don't know her very well, so am reluctant to text her!

OP posts:
Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 06/03/2019 13:34

I wouldn't take flowers. That's more of a dating thing and a bit much if it's just a casual evening. Maybe some chocolate or ask if there's anything she wants you to bring? I wouldn't over think this.

ShabbyAbby · 06/03/2019 13:36

I'd bring a bottle of wine or a nice bottle of pop (or both). Why not? Presumably you are both adults and she hasn't yet disclosed she's in AA (and if she does you just don't open the wine?)

Or maybe I've been making many faux pas
I've always been told not to come "with my arms swinging"

MatildaTheCat · 06/03/2019 13:37

Tap quietly on the door and bring a packet of biscuits or a bunch of daffs.

Relax, chat. If you are axious think up a few topics first: how long have you lived here? (If possible admire the decor), what’s your line of work? How have you found mat leave, any tips for a new mum?

Enjoy.

Easterbunnyiscomingsoon · 06/03/2019 13:38

Op of course you take cake. .. Cake

chocolatebuttonsandcheese · 06/03/2019 13:40

Take chocolate or cake... just tap quietly and if nobody comes then text to say your outside! You've got this OP xo

cranberrymoon · 06/03/2019 13:43

I often take flowers round to friends houses. Dating thing?? Er no!!

Cocobean30 · 06/03/2019 13:45

Please don’t worry, take something you enjoy like choccies or wine I’m sure she won’t be expecting anything tho! Just call when you’re outside

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 06/03/2019 13:50

The OP is pregnant that’s why she said not wine, not because she suspects the friend of being an alcoholic!

RoryLeighGilmore · 06/03/2019 13:52

Cake or brownies!
I'd not ring the bell but wouldn't worry about a regular volume knock!
There should be no awkwardness as you'll have plenty to ask her about the first nine months of parenthood!

SuziQ10 · 06/03/2019 13:55

Take some kettle chips and some chocolate (doesn't have to be fancy!)
Or nothing.
Don't over think it Smile have a nice time.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 06/03/2019 13:59

Cake ? at 7.30 ?

What is the occassion for going round ? meal ? drinks ?

Flowers &/or nice chocolates.

NunoGoncalves · 06/03/2019 14:10

Cake > wine!

NunoGoncalves · 06/03/2019 14:10

Cake ? at 7.30 ?

There's never a bad time for cake.

BestestBrownies · 06/03/2019 14:11

LOL @ flowers being a dating thing!! In that case I must be dating my Gran, Mum, and most of my female friends. What a fucking ridiculous statement to make.

OP, I would absolutely take something in your shoes. Cake, flowers, chocolates, whatever. And yes to texting/calling when you're outside so as not to wake the baby.

Have a lovely time.

paddlingwhenIshouldbeworking · 06/03/2019 14:13

Also often take flowers, although usually use those for daytime invites and wine for evening.

In the absence of wine, I'd take some nice chocolate.

Hope it goes well - agree think up some conversation starters before you go to help the anxiety.

Bookworm4 · 06/03/2019 14:14

@nunogoncalves
Fully agree every time is cake time, I take cake who doesn't love cake?
Flowers are absolutely fine too.

Antonin · 06/03/2019 14:15

Take some nice biscuits to have with your tea or coffee.
No need to go overboard for a casual meeting like this.
Once you get to know her you will have a better idea of what if anything to take in the future.
Just try to relax and be natural. Admire her baby’s photos and let her know how appreciative you are of her advice etc and you’ll get on fine

namechanger0110 · 06/03/2019 14:16

I'd take a cheesecake! Enjoy yourself, I understand your anxiety ( I'm just the same!) I'm imagine she's a little nervous too!

thedisorganisedmum · 06/03/2019 14:18

7:30 so that's either for quick "drinks" before diner or diner? (as you are pregnant)

if it's diner, you can ask what to bring.

in any case, cake and flowers are usually always welcome. You don't have to go for a full bunch of luxury red roses Grin

thedisorganisedmum · 06/03/2019 14:19

If you mean 7:30 am (why not...), then pastry!

PinkHeart5914 · 06/03/2019 14:19

Flowers dating thing? Ummm no I buy flowers for friends and family often

I’d take flowers and maybe some nice chocolate as you could share them

GottenGottenGotten · 06/03/2019 14:24

@PlainSpeakingStraightTalking What the hell is wrong with cake at 7.30?

What time do you think is acceptable for cake?

(correct answer for most people: any time)

BlueMerchant · 06/03/2019 14:25

I'd take a box of cupcakes. It's a nice gesture and doesn't look OTT.
Whatever you do don't over think it. If you can just take the evening as it comes you are sure to have a great time.

Meralia · 06/03/2019 14:27

I’m assuming it’s 7.30 pm, so after dinner. I’d take a box of chocs or some sparkling soft drink.

kayaholly · 06/03/2019 14:33

Don't worry about knocking the door, if she has made an arrangement she will be expecting you to either knock, or she will be watching so you don't have to.

And buns/cake is never a bad thing to bring. Cake

Enjoy Smile