Another perspective needed

[Sybil606]

DH is going into hospital for an operation on his knee. The distance from where we live to the hospital is over 20 miles away. I don’t drive and it would take 2 hrs each way by bus as is the cheapest option. DH stay in hospital would be a week maximum; if there is no complications. However, I’ve suggested that because of the distance that we skype talk. I suggested that if i visit then I’d like to take the train as is quicker but DH says to stick to buses due to cost. It will take me two or three buses to get there. Never been to the hospital before so is all new ground. DH family who know about the situation but have not offered to help in anyway. I had suggested to DH that maybe a family member could help but I got a dirty look. I haven’t asked as I feel like i'm imposing. AIBU in saying that we skype talk instead of visiting every day?

@Sybil606 I think visiting once in that week is enough and Skype the rest. He can take everything he needs for the week with him as he would if going on holiday. I'm assuming you have other things on such as work/kids etc, it's a knee op nothing overly serious so really he should allow you to get the train midway through the week and that be enough. It's only a week of your lives

YANBU that's a long trip! It's rather dissapointing that noone has offered to help out :( do you have no friends/family that could help out?

If he has given you a dirty look for even suggesting one of them help you then I don't see why he expects you to do 4 hours of travelling a day just to visit him???? It's only a week, he will survive! And who knows, maybe he will start to appreciate you more

It's an operation on his knee, not life saving surgery. I wouldn't be going to visit someone daily in that scenario regardless. Let alone if it was 2hrs each way. I think he's being very selfish. Skype is absolutely fine. So no, I don't think YABU at all!

It’s up to you if / how you travel to the hospital to visit your husband. He can express an opinion but it’s not actually his decision because he won’t be doing it. If you disagree with him about buses and want to take the train, tell him that’s what you’ll be doing.

I know nothing about Skype but if that works better for you then do that, although being in hospital is very boring and your DH would probably rather have actual visitors. But that doesn’t mean he can insist on anything about how you get there and back.

much appreciated for replies.

Visit once and use Skype. Unless it's rehab I would be surprised at a full week, my friend was discharged after 48 hours with her knee replacement. And depending on the price difference, take the train, it's a one off situation

I think in the circumstances YANBU, especially as he doesn't want you to use the train (but he's happy to inconvenience you with a 4 hour round trip).

but DH says to stick to buses due to cost
Does he control all the money?
Do you have any of your own?
Are you allowed to spend on what you want?
Are you going to learn to drive?
You need some independence.

Skype or facetime call is fine.
4 hours travelling every day is not on!
He will just have to manage if he won't let you get the train.

I’d go on the train if it’s easier. It’s not him who’s making the journey so he gets no say.