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AIBU?

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Original poster

To call myself a waste of space?

13 replies

TakeTwoOfThat · 05/03/2019 22:39

I just feel like that's what I am. And since my husband left me and I was left with my children. I was a SAHM and I feel like I'm viewed as a waste of space. Don't be me wrong, I've every intention of returning to work when things improve. I'm still getting over the aftermath of this all. But I feel really disgusting. And I'm having panic attacks now. I did volunteer with a charity for a period of a few months a while back and enjoyed it but had to leave due to there being too many volunteers not much work. I feel like my life is over and I feel like people view me as a waste of space. My chest always feels heavy, I have panic attacks and heart palpitations and loss of appetite due to the worry of it all 😢

OP posts:
PunishmentSnart · 05/03/2019 22:41

You are caring for your children and they need and love you. You are not a waste of space Flowers

user1473878824 · 05/03/2019 22:44

My love. You sound depressed. None of what you said would even half qualify you for waste of space in my head!

You’re raising your children. Fuck what everyone else is doing. And fuck what anyone else is thinking, but trust me, it’s nothing like you being a waste of space.

Do you have any friends you feel for comfortable sitting down with a bottle (or several) of wine with and just letting it all out? We’re all here otherwise xx

mbosnz · 05/03/2019 22:44

Yes, you are being unreasonable. You are NOT a waste of space. You are a rock for your children, and in some fairly seismic changes in their life/landscape, they need you so very much.

And you are not a waste of space in that you matter and deserve in the same way as every one else on this planet.

Original poster
TakeTwoOfThat · 05/03/2019 22:45

I think it's mostly because I've had to claim benefits since he left as he was the full time worker and I was a SAHM. I just feel useless and powerless

OP posts:
BusySnipingOnCallOfDuty · 05/03/2019 22:46

I could have written similar myself.

Since xmas, we have had a lot of change.

There has been pressure for me to work. I am disabled and difficult to employ. I'm willing, potential employers aren't.

I've had lots of tears since xmas and wanting to die, to hurt myself, not be a burden, calling myself what you're calling yourself.

Stop it. Stop it right now.

You've been home, providing small humans with love, care, everything they've needed. You've sacrificed your job, your life, everything.

If anyone has put these ideas into your head that you aren't worth it then keep your distance from them.

Its hard sometimes. Changes can leave us feeling bereft because of what should have been.

I'm learning to be kinder to myself. Not easy but I do a lot at home. I'm also looking at getting my DBS so I can volunteer at DDs school.

It won't always be like this.

mbosnz · 05/03/2019 22:50

You are not useless, you are providing a roof over your children's heads, you are putting food in their bellies, you are helping with their homework, you are cleaning their clothes, you are giving them stability, normality, love and care.

Yes, you're claiming benefits. That's so you can do all the above. That is your JOB. That you are being paid via the benefit to do. Do it with pride. And do it well. And hang in there chook. This too shall pass.

Thisaintphaedra · 05/03/2019 22:53

You are not a waste of space.
You are doing what needs to be done to get by and look after your kids.
Your post doesn’t detail if you are getting any help or support for your panic attacks but maybe seek some help from your GP to get them under control?
Things will get better, chin up

Thisaintphaedra · 05/03/2019 22:55

@Busy Flowers

bananabagel · 05/03/2019 23:13

Op it sounds like you are unwell at the moment and I think you do need to see your GP. I know its hard at rhe moment but if you can stop viewing yourself through what you are imagining others think of you. Nobody thinks that much about anyone else and even if they do who cares what anyone else thinks of you, its not important.

FrozenMargarita17 · 05/03/2019 23:30

You're not a waste of space, OP Thanks

Singlenotsingle · 05/03/2019 23:35

Come on! Sometimes the Protestant work ethic is taken too far! I worked most of my life but on the few occasions when I didn't, I felt I'd earned a break. 2 maternity leaves, one 3 year break to do a degree, one period of 2 years unemployed after being made redundant. Enjoy it, savour it, make the most of it. Before you know it you'll be back at work, buzzing around like a blue arsed fly and wishing you were at home.

Foslady · 05/03/2019 23:45

Right now you are doing the most important job ever - you are holding things together for you and the children. To do this you need short term help from the state. How short term it is is up to you and when you feel you and the children are ready but taking this time now so you are all going to be long term ok is perfectly acceptable - not a waste.
It IS tough, been there too, but this is still early days, you’ve been through a lot in a short time. Give yourself a break and then regroup and look to the future when you are ready to step forward Flowers

whywhywhy6 · 06/03/2019 02:24

You are not a waste of space. At all. And don't ever tell yourself that.

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