Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To be miffed not even invited on a mums night out?

50 replies

Happydove · 05/03/2019 18:07

So found out today that the other mothers from DC class ( year 6) had a boozy girls night in sat night. I wasn’t even invited and feel really left out. It’s a very small class (10 children) we are all the same sort of demographic ie middle class older mothers (40+). We are friendly in school playground have play dates etc. I was even chatting to one of the mothers by WhatsApp that afternoon.
I actually couldn’t have gone as I was working but I wasn’t even invited.
I don’t know what to think or feel but I actually am really upset. I don’t go out often but would really like the chance to have a gossip over a glass of wine.
I obviously can’t say anything but AIBU to feel excluded?? Over sensitive probably I guess

OP posts:

Kittykat93 · 05/03/2019 18:46

I'd have to ask one of them.

SurgeHopper · 05/03/2019 18:47

Yeah, I'd be rescinding any offers of advice, free childcare etc.

SuziQ10 · 05/03/2019 18:48

Do they seem to like you, generally?
Do you socialise with some of them out of the school pick up routine?

Would you consider yourself to be friends with the person who hosted the evening?

Wolfiefan · 05/03/2019 18:49

So maybe they didn’t all go? Last minute arrangements?

hardyloveit · 05/03/2019 18:50

Can't you just ask one of the ones your close to why you didn't get invited?
Or say ooo il come next time?

sagradafamiliar · 05/03/2019 18:50

Are you friends with them all though? Some of the mums at our school go on nights out but I couldn't care less. I make small talk at kids parties ect but I just happened to fall pregnant the same year they did and don't care to socialise unless needed.

IvanaPee · 05/03/2019 18:51

It might have been that two were going out and then maybe bumped into one at the shop. You know how it is!

Or maybe they each thought the other had mentioned it?

Stargazer888 · 05/03/2019 18:59

Do you normally hang out outside of school? I would just invite them out one night myself in order to extend the friendship.

Hereward1332 · 05/03/2019 19:01

Was it only them? Just wondering if they are part of a larger group e.g football mums, that you don't belong to

Sophiathefortyfirst · 05/03/2019 19:01

I'd ask the person who hosted the evening if you've done something to offend them and say that you're upset as you weren't invited. I've found it pays to be upfront and honest about this kind of thing, and they'll probably make extra sure you are invited next time. If they did deliberately exclude you then it's pretty shitty behaviour on their part!

Pigflewpast · 05/03/2019 19:09

Was it only them? Just wondering if they are part of a larger group e.g football mums, that you don't belong to

That makes the most sense

Bringbackthestripes · 05/03/2019 19:09

YANBU.
That sounds really shitty. I would be feeling pretty hurt in your situation. I just hope it is an oversight and that they think you work every weekend so couldn’t possibly go is there one of the mums that you are more friendly with that you could just casually say” oh, i was working that weekend, shame I couldn’t have joined you” And see how she responds?

Could you maybe suggest a night out on a weekend you are not working in the future so they know there are times you are available?

Drum2018 · 05/03/2019 19:13

Don't be available for childcare in future.

reallyanotherone · 05/03/2019 19:16

Could it be everyone thought one of the others have invited you?

Dh’s family do this all the time. They’ll arrange christenings, anniversaries, birthdays etc, phone a couple of people to tell them, then expect word to pass along. We’ve been asked a few times why we weren’t at x or y event- no one told us! Oh but auntie x/dh’s sister/uncle y knew, yes, but they didn’t tell us!

Fraying · 05/03/2019 19:21

tbh you need to ask someone rather than feeling miffed. As PPs have said, they could be part of a hobby group (either for them or their DCs).

Motherofcreek · 05/03/2019 19:27

I bet you feel shitty.

However you said all the girls didnr go.

I’m close friends with a couple of mums in class. We get on really well and often bob in to Escher others houses.

Some of the mothers are more reserved.

When we all go out as a class night out we have a fab time but there is still an element of ‘behaving’ because your not all real friends some are just acquaintances, even if you like them.

Also class nights out are a logistical nightmare. There is always some one who can’t make that weekend so it gets pushed back and back, some place is too far ect..

So sometimes it’s just easier if you fancy a few beers to just go out with your close friends, have a laugh and not have to faff about. (And not post it on SM!)

A couple of weeks ago me and friend went shopping and decided to Go for a wine on the way back. On the way there she called a mum who lived round the corner from bar. She joined us. So on the outside it looks like an arsey little group on a private night out but it wasn’t out of spite x

HTruffle · 05/03/2019 19:31

Could it be that several of them are friends with someone else who you don’t know and were invited there?

whiteroseredrose · 05/03/2019 19:36

If everyone was invited but you it would be really bad. I'd be hurt too. However sometimes people go out in smaller groups. Just easier to coordinate.

Bluntness100 · 05/03/2019 19:42

It seems it wasn't just you excluded though, you've not got any clue how many went? It could have been three or four?

If this is the case, then as much as you'd love to be included, I think it's also reasonable if they are a closer group to go out together and not invite every single mum.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 05/03/2019 20:03

Sorry if this sounds flippant, but people who boast about what terrible hangovers they have are childish and get on my last nerve. And if they're doing this in front of someone who for whatever reason was left out of their 'fun' girls' night out, then they're not just immature but spiteful with it, or at best, supremely lacking in tact. The fact that they're older mums just makes it worse.

In your shoes I'd be grateful to have been missed off the list of the privileged anointed, OP, and would decline any future ones they might see fit to issue, too. Expend your precious time on real friends who are worthy of your company. These people are neither.

oldowlgirl · 05/03/2019 23:41

I'd feel hurt too Op. I'd ask one of the other mums if you felt able to as it would bug me, otherwise if not, then just try to brush it off if you can & realise they're not as nice as you thought. Sorry

BrightlightsSmallvillage · 06/03/2019 00:30

This is much easier advice to give than to live by...but I can say with some certainty that this is highly unlikely to be personal. There are countless reasons why you were overlooked not snubbed. If you want to go next time, (not just be invited which is different), if you definitely want to go then tell them in a non confrontational, jokey way. Ignore your FOMO and social paranoia, its the only way.

Lovingbenidorm · 06/03/2019 00:36

Sounds like a major cockup tbh.
You like them, they like you
When I organise something like this I email all my mates (having text special 2 first to make sure they are free)
Don’t feel bad
But make sure they all know you were missed out

willyougobacktobed · 06/03/2019 00:52

Op this happened to me recently, small class of ten kids and I was the only one not invited round to one of the mums houses for a social night. I'd had her kid over for the night a few weeks before which made it all the more annoying.
I didn't let on but was genuinely gutted

Bluntness100 · 06/03/2019 01:15

But make sure they all know you were missed out

Please don't do this until you find out how many went out and were invited. You're going to look like a total twat if this was a small group of three or four of them who are very close and got together for a reason or often do, and the majority of the other mums were not and are never invited.

Flip

1 2