To wonder how I can stop breastfeeding a total boobaholic

[B3ck89]

He’s 15 months and is absolutely nowhere near ready to give up... but I am
I’ve loved our journey but I’m so ready to stop, I’ve totally had enough.
Every time he feeds (which can be little bits constant) he rolls around all over me, must have his hand down my top on my other boob /nipple twiddling, pinching, grabbing and it’s literally driving me up the wall.
I try cover with my hand but most of the time it don’t work, sometimes he will come to me every 10 minutes for a feed and I just feel like locking myself (well, my boobs) in another room.
I’ve tried the usual tricks like a necklace, toy etc but it don’t work.
How have other people stopped?
I can’t cut out 1 feed at a time because they differ so much each day.
He don’t take bottles and will sometimes tolerate his sippy cup.
On the upside I have so much love for him, the bond we have is amazing.
I don’t want to upset him but I need my sanity back (and my boobs in one piece lol)

If you can’t cut out one feed at a time then you will have to cut them all out but make sure you express enough to reduce your supply gradually and protect against blocked ducts and mastitis.

What is his general eating of solids like? Can your husband take a week off work to support you and start a feeding routine that doesn’t involve you?

My DS is 19 months. Does the same nipple twisty thing (which really hurts) and to complicate matters, is still is in our bed. Wanting to bring BFing to an end now. Watching with interest.

Unfortunately we wouldn’t be able to afford financially for him to take a week off
Solids he’s very good with has a good varied diet.
His cot is attached to my bed and he crawls in with me, to help himself
I was thinking of getting him a toddler bed with a guard and moving him away from our bed.

I’ve also tried wearing jumpers etc, and hiding temptation but he ends up scratching my neck trying to get his hand down

Gloryforgloves it’s so painful isn’t it, like little razors sometimes

My dd was the same at 13 months. I was also one month pregnant and decided I needed to stop. I reduced the feeds, with distraction etc and then when she asked for feeds (when she pulled down my top etc). I would just pull it back up. She never cried or anything, but I had the advantage she would take a bottle and we had cozy time like that. I felt sad to stop, but my pregnancy was making my exhausted and I thought it might help if my body was not also producing milk for another baby, while growing another.

I have 3 kids currently 12, 15 and 18. I breastfed all of them for years. I would find I would get to a point as you are now where I was ready to stop. The main thing is you have to be totally committed to stop. Babies and toddlers are incredible at knowing instinctively when our heart’s are not completely in it! So only make this big change when you are ready to hold the line no matter what and not crumble and end up offering the boob as obviously you are setting yourself for an even harder battle next time. Definitely get your partner on side with lots of joint support and strategy.

Where I always started with was night feeds. Cut them out first, the extra sleep will also fortify you for when you let your darling ds know that the boob kitchen is permanently closed. Also, if possible plan to do this at a weekend or anytime when your partner will be around a lot and available to help. Make sure they are fully onboard too. It would be infuriating if you were doing well and your partner wimped out and just started saying “oh just give him the boob!”. You need a united front determined to see this through. Your ds will adjust much quicker when he realizes no compromises are happening.

I would explain that at night the sun goes to sleep, cats go to sleep, dogs go to sleep etc. etc. and now your boobs will be going to sleep. Make sure on the night you do this that your son is very well fed on solids and breast milk and has had a really physical day so he is very tired (less resources to fight!). Once he is settled (you can give him a nightfeed before bed if you want but not in bed ) you give your speech, then through the night no matter how much he begs you must not give him the boob. The willpower is all on your side. As I said, if there is a chink in your armor he will find it so you mustn’t crumble.

To be honest each time I expected a full on war and each time after some crying (not for long) they accepted the new normal. I was always very surprised how quickly they adjusted and I realized it was because they knew I meant business. I actually can’t remember how I stopped the day feeds but it was much, much easier once night feeding had stopped. I think your success fortifies you. You can just reduce feeds and keep distracting him until you eliminate them entirely.

I remember my youngest, also a boy, literally standing on my lap as a toddler while he was BFing! He also absolutely refused to be covered when BFing so it was almost impossible to be subtle, except of course, no one expects you to be still BFing a 3 year old so they don’t even realize that is what is happening! If you can break the association between boob and sleep by having your partner put your son to bed that also helps.

Can other people bottle feed him?
But tbh if I remember rightly I'd dumped bottles by a year.
Get him to choose a special big boy soppy cup and buy a safety bra that he can't get into.
His food intake should be good enough.
Would he prefer cows milk or expressed?

I went through the same with DD...kept trying to slowly reduce from 8 feeds a day. All the distraction in the world, the high necked tops etc didn’t work...at 18 months she’d just help herself and purposely bite me if I tried to hold out. Afraid to say I did end up stopping cold turkey (told her about it in the days leading up, took her to the shops to choose a special “big girl” cup, then plasters on nipples, tight sports bra and held tough). It was hell the first 2 days then she got used to it.

A few things to bear in mind - we stopped bed sharing at about 12 months and night weaned at 14 months (using Nursies When The Sun Shines and a Gro Clock, sent DH in as much as possible...again hell for 2 nights, then she got it). So I think you will maybe need to do these first as to take away bed sharing, night comfort and day comfort in one go is going to be too much of a wrench for you both.

Secondly, you need to find another way to “connect” that will replace breastfeeding - so they still have something to comfort them and feel close to you with. DD and I have lots of extra hugs, she wanted a lot more carrying instead of the buggy and we have a special “shower of kisses” on her face to replace those times we would have been feeding - she instinctively tends to put her hand on my boobs at the same time.

At 2.5 she’s still nutty about boobs though...all her schleich animals get posed with the baby animals “booby milk” and she takes any opportunity to point at and talk about “mummy’s boobies”, even in public

No answers sorry, and maybe someone else will come along with some advice soon. I have heard this complaint from quite a few women though, and that is why (IMO) it really is best to give up breastfeeding when the baby is about 6 months old. I know some people think every mother should breastfeed til the baby is 7 years old! But I disagree. Breastfeeding til the baby is 6 months old is plenty long enough. They get way too attached if you go on much longer than that.

Good luck.

Experienced mum here. Just quit cold turkey. In a couple of days, it will be a distant memory to him.

I have recently weaned my 19 month old cold turkey and was absolutely dreading it as I'd always fed her to sleep and she would feed a lot during the day. I was hoping she would self wean and felt guilty for cutting her off but I was so ready to stop and it was really getting me down.
We chose a weekend to stop and I kept a low profile leaving DH to keep dd busy. There were a few tantrums but I was surprised at how quickly she adjusted. She does take a bottle though and has been guzzling milk since stopping. We have lots of cuddles and puts her hand down my top for comfort.
Good luck OP!

Every time he feeds (which can be little bits constant) he rolls around all over me, must have his hand down my top on my other boob /nipple twiddling, pinching, grabbing and it’s literally driving me up the wall.

I'd forgotten all about this but D's was exactly the same. He'd be breastfeeding on one side and we'd arm wrestle for the spare nipple. He was surprisingly strong. No good advice unfortunately though, just sympathy.

I would suggest you drop as many feeds as possible until you're down to the last feed before bed. The bedtime feed seems to be the most comforting one but also the easiest to eventually switch for other "comfort" (even if it includes you falling asleep on the floor with one dead arm under your child). If you reduce rather than stopping immediately, it avoids the risk of engorgement. You can also express some milk while you're cutting down feeds; if you're not saving it for your child, just squeeze it into the sink - such an instant relief when you feel you're getting too full. Or, if you find it difficult to pump, try hand-expressing in a warm shower. x

Hoppityfrog I agree with the general sentiment of your post (though I imagine quite a few on this thread won't) but I went to just under a year last time and imagine I will again and there were no issues with stopping.

I could have written this except my DS is 16 months. Some days I feel like nothing more than his milk machine!

Agree with others about night feedings first. With my bfed babies were able to cut out night feedings first, from about 14 months, then daytime feedings, then I kept a bedtime feed until nearly 2.

For the night feeds we roughly used the Jay Gordon method (you can Google it).

When you're ready for daytime feeds, i found it helps if you're out and about so there aren't the home reminders of comforting rituals, and so that you aren't tempted too. Head out for the 'at risk' times, wearing something impossible to feed in (I used tube dresses), and give loads of snacks so he's not at all hungry, and lots of drink offers if possible.

Good luck and stay strong! Or if you find it's not really what you want, that's fine too, there will be other times.

I just went cold turkey with mine. It was a tough 3 days, but then it was over and done with.

Hoppity - I'm not convinced about babies being too close. I only managed 8 weeks of breastfeeding with mine, she was a velcro baby and toddler, and is now a velcro preschooler!

(should be too close due to breastfeeding)

About this age I got really sick with tonsillitis, took to bed and P took dc to stay at his parents for a couple of days till the anti biotics kicked in.

Viola - dd2 was weaned!

Something they don’t really tell you when you start BFing is how hard it is to stop. I found it really tough with both of mine, Really tough. I stopped with both of them at around 10 months - I’m not sure why it was the same age with both, that seemed to be when I feel like I needed to. The best way to do it is to get your DH to take the baby (I know you said he can’t take annual leave - but even for periods of time over the weekend, or over an evening etc). Then absent yourself from the house. Just take yourself out of there. I know your baby doesn’t like the sippy cup now but he’ll be perfectly happy with it once he gets used to it. Anyone else you can rope in to childcare, do it, so that the only option for milk is the sippy cup. I remember getting my dd down to one feed a day - the night time feed. Then I was trying to get home from a friend’s house and I couldn’t get a taxi. DH was at home with DD. By the time I got home, dh had successfully got dd off to sleep without a breastfeed. That was her officially weaned.
I imagine it’s much harder to do when it’s you with the baby all the time. It’s much easier when you can leave him in someone else’s care for a bit.
Another thing is - is there a breastfeeding support group near you? They May be able to support you in it too. Good luck

My sister had to stop breastfeeding her daughter due to having a kidney infection she was physically unable and her dd refused to take a bottle.

Bil just took over and only offered Dn only a sippy cup, after 4 hours of screaming and tantrums she used the cup in desperation, and just carried on from there.
There was no alternative so he couldn't give in. You are the adult, don't just give in for the sake of a quiet life, for a day or two.

I’ve weaned 4 kids from aged 15 months to 2.75yrs. All very keen breast feeders and co sleepers.

1. Wait until you are certain with the decision to wean and strong enough to persevere. It can be very emotional if you aren’t focused.
2. Excellent suggestions above to wean at night first.
3. When feeding a lot during day it’s impossible to cut out a certain number of feeds. But just restrict “feeding time” to within certain time frames and have cues to help. Eg only feed in a certain comfy chair (and/or when cuddling a certain soft toy) freely between 7 and 9am, 12 and 2pm etc.
4. Plan a busy week with lots of distractions When weaning during day.

Good luck! I found 3 out of 4 easier to wean than I expected and 1 harder. 🤞🏻

I also stopped night feeds first. I tried gradually reducing them but in the end just went cold turkey. He was furious for a few nights but it was worth it when we all started sleeping better.

After stopping night feeds, daytime feeding didn't bug me as much for a while but when the time came, I used distraction and stalling to stop the on-demand feeding and get him onto a schedule of about five feeds a day (wake up, mid-morning, nap time, before dinner & before bed) all sitting in the same chair. Then I gradually dropped one feed at a time through tricks like distraction, always being out at a feed time, not offering but not refusing, not sitting in the feeding chair.

I remember feeling like I was going to crawl out of my skin if we didn't stop cold turkey, but stopping night feeds and on demand feeding made a huge difference to me mentally and once I made the decision to start dropping the scheduled feeds I found each one easier than the one before.

Oh yeah and at a certain point I got strict about acceptable on-boob behaviour and immediately stopped a feed if he was doing things that made me uncomfortable or annoyed me (like being off and on and off and on, wriggling into awkward positions etc). Good luck!

I wanted to do child led weaning. By the time my dd was 3 I felt very, very, very ready to stop breastfeeding but knew my dd wasn't. I tried gradually weaning but that didn't work as she'd persistently try to get to my boobs, climbing me, jumping on me, pulling up my top. She was surprisingly very strong. I ended up quitting all breastfeeds and made her frozen banana smoothies and milkshakes which she loved and I think helped to replace breastfeeding a bit.