To think you can't really enjoy life with a SEN child.

[Onetwothreee]

I know it sounds awful.

My DS is 2 and is on the list for an ASD assessment but that's still quite a long wait away. But each day that goes by gets more difficult to cope with him.
I don't enjoy many aspects of life any more because the daily struggles are just getting too much. I feel like realistically you can't enjoy parenthood in the same way as parents of NT DC.
I look at my friends with their NT children and I am so envious. They seem to be able to do so many happy and enjoyable things. They can't really relate to the struggles I have with my DS as they just don't understand, not matter how well they mean.
I am just so tired of the meltdowns, the constant appointments, the being trapped in a rigid routine. I have no social life any more as I can't take DS with me to coffee shops or anything like that and as I have no family to help me I have to do it all on my own. People have stopped inviting me out.
I am depressed and have sought help and am on medication. Unfortunately the medication gives me unpleasant side effects so I end up spending the days feeling unwell instead of sad.
It all just feels hopeless, like my DS will never be easy and I will struggle for the rest of my life with him.
I feel robbed of the opportunity to enjoy parenthood.

And out pattern isn’t typical as we can’t attend restaurants, most cafes, and toddler group or stay and plays with him. It’s very much restricted to outdoor days out

We don't have a life. All 3 of our dcs have asd + a mixture of adhd pda and anxiety.

I had to give up work, i am the parent the teachers always want a quick word with...I am the parent that has the child all the other children talk about at home. I currently have a 13old in tears on the sofa as life is too hard, after an hour shaking and being sick we decided she won't be at school again today. We have no family support, friends distanced themselves long ago mainly through fear of their own dc 'catching the autism' or being singled out as friends of my dc. I fill in forms attend meetings beg & pleed for any available help, but am constantly told there is no funding. Dd counselling sessions have stopped as cahms have finally agreed to see her, except no one knows when, no letter nothing to say what 'seeing her will actually mean. Her school is failing her, i have no where to go... her brothers school is better they have support at school. But at home its just me untill dh gets home from work where we scrape by till bedtime each night and start again in the morning.

It's no life, I can't see it improving, i am waiting for the day dh decides he just can't cope anymore and leaves, I have found him crying on the bathroom floor because of the children it's just fucking hard all the time.

Hate that Holland poem with a passion- to me it implies that a child with SN is second best and that you've just got to put up and shut up. For various reasons our life is anything but great at the moment but we are beginning to see the tiny little rays of sunshine appear through the big fuck off storm clouds

My boy (de-novo familial genetic disease that presents like Autism in ALL males in my family) isn't second best. He is just as best as his NT sister. And so what if his viewing pleasure isn't some brightly coloured kiddy crap but instead a trains of yesteryear DVD.

DH and I also deal with it with some extremely black humour at times but that's best kept off the boards.

Hate that Holland poem with a passion- to me it implies that a child with SN is second best and that you've just got to put up and shut up.

No, it certainly does not mean that. Imo its meant to mean this:

And you are all correct i don’t know how hard it’ll probably be when he’s a teen but my main point was that i do get great enjoyment from our life with our SEN son(so far).

I quite like this alternative to Welcome to Holland. I definitely associated with this more.

niederfamily.blogspot.com/2010/10/amsterdam-international.html?m=1

I felt like you when ds2 was small. At 18 months old I was told it was unlikely he would walk or talk. He has a diagnosis of a profound hearing loss and global delay. Diagnosed with hfa at 13.
He's now 22 and about to move into a flat on his own with staff support. I didn't in my wildest dreams ever see this happening.

You are going through the toughest time right now and I do feel for you as its really hard to come to terms with the fact your child is different but YABU in the strongest possible terms. I love my life and my SEN child is probably the best bit of it. So much more straightforward and interesting than my friends NT children. So loving and sweet. When you get through this you will start to love your life too and enjoy all the lovely bits about your child. Try not to spend too much time on websites going on and on about all the problems SN kids face or in groups with other parents venting. These sites/groups have a place and are needed when someone is going through something tough but if you are just at the beginning they'll bring you down.

You just need more support that's all

For lots of us with kids with SN, that's about as likely as finding a millionaire unicorn living in our house.

Little when you find the support then please message me and I'll upsticks and move.
Currently I just sit and wait for emails, texts and phone calls that just make me feel hounded and harassed whilst waiting for CAMHS and the LA to get their fingers out and actually help 🤷🏻‍♀️

quirk I'm in the same boat as you

The comment in bold was from a previous poster - I just laughed as if only it was that easy!

In you are in England (not sure about elsewhere), your local authority must have a section on its website called the Local Offer. These vary in quality and usability, but it should give you links to what is available locally from statutory and voluntary bodies.

This should include links to the local parent support groups pp have recommended you join. If one group doesn't suit you at the moment, try another, they are definitely not all the same.

Little yes I got that, I was trying to be fascetious in response to the comment you quoted. I think it's safe to say I failed 😂

me too, my sense of humor is round here somewhere, I'm sure of it.. (probably down the sofa with some old biscuits and lego!)

The early years are hard Op. It gets better.

My dd is now 20. She has asd, add and some physical problems. It's still hard but better in some ways. I'm currently on my holiday from her, I've moved and she still has college till June so I see her at weekends whilst my mum is overseeing everything.

I'm enjoying the freedom but when I'm back with her, it seems like it's even harder. My freedom is showing me how much mind space she takes up. It's only been 3 weeks.

This is lifelong... She was diagnosed before age 3.

I often feel like I've had enough but this is better than up to age 10 and dealing with appts and crap schools. I home educated her and then she went part time for gcses and things got better. So maybe she was not as big a problem as dealing with a neuro typical system set up for neuro typical people.

Now she is at college doing what interests her, that's where an asd person will always be happiest, doing what they find interesting and immersing themselves in it.
She is there, happy, wearing her headphones, walking around talking to herself....

You can find joy op. It will come but it is a hard slog.