To ask at what age you toilet / potty trained?

[SinkGirl]

And what was your child’s level of understanding when you did?

My twins are coming up to 2.5 and I’m constantly being asked about potty training by professionals. But they both have ASD, one also has a visual impairment although it’s hard to say how much that affects him.

I am seeing signs that one is starting to understand a few words possibly. They won’t copy anything, they don’t understand the concept of weeing or pooing. Surely potty training is just not possible under these circumstances? Sometimes they’ll wee when I take their nappy off for the bath and they don’t seem to be aware that it’s happening.

On the other hand, one is occasionally dry through the night and will sometimes pull at his nappy when he’s weeing. They both often squat when doing a poo so obviously there’s some awareness there but maybe just instinctive and not conscious? Very hard to say when they can’t talk or understand what I’m saying.

If anyone has trained their children before they understand these things I’d be very interested to know how you did it.

DS1 was 3y 2m. We tried at 2y 11m and he was out of nappies for a week before we put him back in because I just didn’t feel that he’d got the knack of it. I’m sure he would have been ok if given another month but I was heavily pregnant with DS2 so potty training got pushed down the priority list for a couple of months. It was pretty easy when we successfully did it. Many 2 year olds will be ready, but a lot won’t. The majority of 3 year olds are. There’s a big difference between 2 and 3 IMO.

DD was 2years 2 months and it was quick and easy.

I had tried her previously, at 23 months when she expressed an interest in the potty but it was hopeless as she wasn't ready.

My ASD 4 year old DD toilet trained at 3y9m quite simple because she didn't have the communication ability before then to communicate the need to go.

My NT 2.5 year old is edging towards ready so I'm hoping summer.

There is no race, they all get there in the end

I don't think there is one ideal age.

DD talked early and wanted them at 2-2.5, fine most of the time in day by 3, some accidents though and not dry at night until 5!
DS (mild SEN) sudden interest at 3, dry day and night in a fortnight, very few accidents. He always has to want to do something before he will do it.

All mine have been different, my oldest was 3.5. My dd1 was 4, we'd succeed then she'd revert back to accidents. My youngest son who has asd was 5, decided to use the toilet a week before starting primary school. Dd2 is 3 in May and still doesn't speak, she was referred to speech and language in August but was told there is a 13 month wait. She starts nursery in August and hoping to try in the summer. I think I may need all the luck in the world 😂🙈

DD1 was 3.3 yrs by the time she finally cracked it (at least 2 aborted attempts before then) and in hindsight she just wasn't ready at all. Even then she still had issues with number 2s. DD2 was 2.10 years and we cracked it in between xmas and new year when we had a 5 day stretch of time off work with no commitments. She got it by day 3/4 and we didn't look back.
Set the potty up, get them used to it being there and let them see you going and just generally normalise it. Don't rush it though. After a while of doing this maybe try them when you have some time off to devote to it. Don't be afraid to cancel it though if you think they're not getting it. Usually by day 3 you can tell if there's an improvement and it is worth sticking with.

I agree with you OP, you can't teach a child to go on a toilet if they don't actually know what is happening.
I find the people who can potty train in a couple of days generally wait until their children are actually ready, so it is easier as the child is already developmentally ready and has an understanding of what is happening and what it means.
Hate seeing people potty training for weeks and weeks and the child is constantly having accidents because for me it just shows the child is confused and doesn't actually know what is happening. It's a shame to put children through that, they don't understand what is happening and IME it leads to a lot more accidents for a longer period of time.

My nephew was potty trained at 3years old when he started to realise what weeing was, and when he started to understand what the feeling the need to wee was. He was done within a weekend and has been dry since. My niece is not even two and 'potty trained', which actually means she is still in nappies at night, has accidents every time she is taken outside and only wees on the potty indoors because her mum reminds her to sit on it all day.

We didn't potty train. We bought pants and potty, explaining why and just left them out. He decided he wanted pants at just after 3. Had one accident on day 1 then never again. I'm all for letting them do it when they are ready, but understand they are all different and any additional needs or impending school start makes a difference.

3.5 years with both, no SEN. I just waited until they were ready and wanted to of their own volition.

Agree with a PPs, if anyone asks just say no they're not ready yet, or just smile and nod.

I started with regular pants inside nappies to show DCs how it felt to feel wet. Nappies take wetness away and it was useful to aim for the potty, but if not successful a small wee was wetness and not through a seat.
Nappies don't help children react to wetness as they are so good at absorbing!

If you push it too hard when they aren't ready it can cause all sorts of issues, like them getting The Fear and witholding, meaning on-going constipation or impaction (is that a word?) which is hideous.

DD 2yrs 7months and DS was just gone 3.

My ds was just before three, it was harder than I thought as he had no speach then and we used sign language and makaton so was a bit longer but he was a little champ he has ASD and I was told to expect it to take a while. He was maybe 3 weeks in total then another week to move on to use the big toilet. When he started nursery at 3 there was still alot of children in pull ups so it's so different with each child. We started when he was aware he was doing the toilet, holding himself ect

With both of my children.

They both turn 3 in March (different years) but I put it off until the summer where they could go bare bum.

Dd cracked it in 3 days. She was old enough to understand and quickly grasp the concept. She has had one accident since and this was because she couldn’t get to the toilet in time. She’s almost 6 now and is fully dry at night.

Ds took a bit longer. He’s very immature in his mind and particularly stubborn. He gets ideas in his head and refuses to budge. It took a good 3 weeks before he realised we wasn’t going to give up and then he got it quickly. He’s been dry in the day time now for a year (he’s just turned 4) and has never had an accident. He still wears a pull up at night time but for naps and things he can stay dry.

I was criticised by my family for waiting so long, but I wanted to wait for my children to be more mature.

My sister got her dd to do it at a really young age and she kept wetting herself a lot.

My mum did it with my younger brother too and he was spoiling himself regularly.

A month before DS was 3. For a few months we had let him sit on the potty and he had done a few pees in it. We had shown him the big boy pants.

Then one day he announced he didn’t want to wear nappies. I asked if he wanted to wear pants. He said yes (with a wee delighted face). I told him all peepees and poos had to now happen on the potty.

The first day he had two wee accidents, and has had a handful since.

I think waiting until the child is ready is the best option. A lot of my friends tried earlier using reward charts, books etc but the kids just weren’t ready

DD is 2.5 and shows no signs yet. She knows shes pooped as she says "poop" and points at her nappy but she doesn't know she needs to go and she doesn't know she need a wee either.

2 years 9 months with dd1.
Dd2 is approaching this and I'm putting it off! Going to Spain at Easter, May be after then.

I started DD not long after her 2nd birthday, about two months after as I had time off work for a while. She was reliably dry and understood when she needed to go within 3 or 4 weeks, although trips out were interesting to say the least. Overnight, she was in a nappy until nearly 3.
However it seems very, very common now (well on MN anyway) to not even think about potty training these days until at least 3, which seems late to me.
I’m an older mum and it was always ‘the done thing’ to try toilet training once they hit two.

You'll know when they're ready and 2.5 is still young especially with ASD.

My DS is 2years 3months and started training 3 weeks ago but this is only because he took it upon himself to start using the potty when naked so we went from there. He's doing great but it's a slow burner and will be a long while before we can take him out and be confident there shouldn't be any accidents. That said, I wasn't even going to think about it for another 6 months at least if he hasn't started himself. There really is no rush!

Two very normal boys here they were both trained a few weeks before their 3rd birthday. Was very easy in both cases.

With ds1 we took a punt and it worked.
With ds2 we tried and failed for a few days but a few weeks later he literally said "I don't want to wear nappies any more" and he didn't, never had a bad accident just a few episodes of being a few seconds late to the toilet.

I'm a firm believer that it's best to leave it and it'll be easier.

Dcs with asc need handling differently. I didn't realise ds1 is autistic and potty training left him with problems. The National Autistic Society will be able to advise you as they have a help line. Also The Continence Service might be able to help. I tried the naked method and he peed and pooed where ever he was. For the sake of sanity don't do it. Look into the vestibular sense. Most autistic people aren't as aware as neurotypicals of sensations from their bodies, so it's harder to know the feeling of needing a wee or poo.

Ds was 8.

I have also supported some children with toileting with support from learning disability nurses.

Starting by changing in the toilet.
Encouraging sitting on the toilet (trousers on at first, then nappy etc)
Using a very simple visual strip (trousers down, wee or poo on toilet (sitting for both) use paper, trousers up, wash hands)
Regular taking to toilet (but not too frequently as bladder needs to learn to fill...IYSWIM!)

With ds it took tiny steps for years as he was very resistant and had physical difficulties which complicated things.

"Most of my friends with kids the same age are either trained or in the process - mine can’t use cutlery, still refuse anything other than bottles for their milk, I feel completely useless!"

You're not useless, don't be ridiculous. Why are you comparing your children with neurotypical children? Please be kind to yourself. Parenting twins with ASD must be insanely hard work, you're a fucking superstar.

I trained my son he was 2.5 and his sister, 10 months younger joined in and amazed us all by being trained before him.

My NT DS was 3.3yo. I left it until I thought he was ready, waited for a nice sunny day, put the potty outside, and let him play outside without a nappy on. He was ready so got it straight away and when it was time to go inside didn't want a nappy back on. He was dry day and night from then on with no accidents.

I saw so many battles with friends and their children when they tried training too young when the children were not ready. One little girl was so upset she constantly wet herself and even when she finally got it she then regressed a year later. I firmly believe in waiting until the child is ready.

Also, many people will say how they potty trained their child at 2 but this will often only be during the day not at night time.