Why don't these thing's last?

[schoome]

When you arrive home with a baby or babies in our case , you get -

People asking if you'd like something from the shop.

It's ok to stay in your pjs all day.

You can eat cake for breakfast and noone judges you

You can nap with your babies.

Foot massage from your partner.

People offering to cook for you.

Going for a bath in the morning.

My babies are harder at 13 months and noone cares or offers help. In fact I get comments that I'm a lady of luxury for having to quit my work - due to not being able to afford childcare and not being able to cope with working 2 days after looking after the twins solo for 3 days. My husband helps on the weekends. Where's all the help gone?

Without being too harsh, its noone elses resposibility to look after/help with your children. They are yours and your husbands responsibility.

If you need more help or a break maybe you could pay for some childcare? Or ask family? They may not realise you are struggling.

People tend to help more with the newborn phase more as it is a huge change for new parents. At 13 months they may think you have your shit together and don't need help?

Yeah it's a good point. I found having a newborn a total breeze compared to a toddler. Anyway, people don't usually mean their offers of help, it's like when someone dies "let me know if I can do anything" but obviously don't actually ask me to do anything

And a sahm of 13 month old twins will certainly not be a lady of leisure!

People asking if you'd like something from the shop.

It's just one of those things; people will go out of their way in the early days to help you get used to it. At 13 months; they'll presume that you've got shopping in hand, although I'm sure people would pick things up if they're going and you asked.

It's ok to stay in your pjs all day.
*
You can eat cake for breakfast and noone judges you

You can nap with your babies.*

Going for a bath in the morning.

All of those sound like things that you could still do; if you wanted. Who would know? I'm not sure they'd be very good for your overall health, but you could do them if they help you.

Foot massage from your partner.

You'd ask your partner for that, surely?

People offering to cook for you.

Very similar to the first one! People will pull together around a new baby to help you get on your feet. They put their own lives second for a few weeks to help you learn how to manage with a baby and get things in good working order. They have to go back to their lives though!

A lot of these things won't be totally altruistic, either. People will like to see and hold the new baby, that lovely newborn feeling; and they feel like good people for helping you get used to that. You don't have newborns anymore, you have 13 month olds who are mobile and you can take out. Most people will presume that after 13 months, you've got a schedule and a routine that works for your family.

Can you afford additional help, if you need it? Would you be happier going back to work for 2 days, even if you were shattered after looking after the kids, so that you're getting a break from parenting?

Because you're no longer recovering from the birth. I'm not sure why anyone other than your husband would feel the need to be helping you with your own children tbh, especially if you aren't working. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but other people have their own dc/work/lives to worry about.

Oh I forgot the lady of leisure thing. I'm with you on that! I get called it too, because I work from home fairly often... I've presumed it's people who can't remember what I do or are a bit envious.

Very irritating though, so it must be more so in your case!

Do you offer these things to your friends/ family with kids?

You don't need anyone's help to stay in your pj's all day.
Morning bath/foot massage/cooking - ask your dh why he has stopped
People can only judge you for what you eat if you tell them
Why would you need help to nap when they are napping?

Because with newborns the mothers are often still physically affected by the birth, it's all new, etc?

Is your husband away during the week?
He "helps" on weekends?
Is he not the dad?
You should ask him, not about "people".

The novelty wears off for them. The baby isn't so 'new' and exciting. They no longer fighting over who holds baby, who can do the most to help,etc and you are back to being seen as 'just' you.

you sound a little entitled.

also, why cant you stay in your pjs all day, or eat cake for breakfast? Christ I did this pre baby and post baby and still now DS is nearly 3.

I work but at weekends I frankly do what I like and nobody judges because nobody knows! and why would they!

its definitely not a life of luxury but equally I wouldn't expect anyone to help me out indefinitely with my own children.

I think it's a shame though. You've probably heard the phrase 'it takes a village to raise a child' and I think that's true, it's incredibly hard to do everything yourself, particularly with twins or multiple children. In the past I there it was more usual to have help from extended family, or even neighbors and the local community, and I think that is part of the reason that new (and not so new) mums struggle with loneliness, PND, and just generally keeping their shit together.

I think so too. I'm not entitled I just think that it's really difficult and when I see other people in difficulty I try and help. This phase won't last forever and maybe one of my friends will be in the same position. We all need a little help sometimes. I think people are generally too hard on themselves and expect to be superwoman. I am no superwoman! It's just a shame when everyone wanted to hold tiny babies and now they're hard work no one is to be seen.

You're awfully quiet about the role of your husband in this, apart from the "help" at weekends.

My husband helps a lot. After work. He works long hours and after the kids go to bed. I'm talking about help from
Outside the family.