Whilst volunteering for an organisation I made friend with another volunteer.
We both shared some common problems (similar mental health issues), although mine are less severe: I am highly functional, and I have been able to hold on jobs, carve up a career and a name for myself in difficult field, I have my own home and have created a family, whereas she still lives in the family home in her late 30s and is unemployed.
There were some part of her personality that left me a bit uncertain about this friendship, such as her lying on her achievements (offering contradicting versions of events, mentioning things she has achieved and then in front of others who know her past denying she had said that), dominating meetings, ignoring procedures, etc.
But what was really concerning was that she started to intrude in my family life, asking to come round, inviting herself for dinner and even inviting herself round on Christmas eve! I come from a big family so I wasn't too concerned but my children and hubby felt it was over the top.
I think part of my friendship was based on the fact that I could see myself in her shoes: if I had less support in my past I could have ended up in a similar situation. I also used to lie and do some of the thoughtless things she does like dominating a meeting, have a big ego, etc. So I had huge sympathy for her.
Things came at a standstill when I had to cease my charity work because of a big deadline at work, and also to reclaim some time for my own life. She then started to bombard me with messages about meeting up because she was "worried about me" and I tried to convey that there was nothing to worry about, I was on a huge (albeit temporary) work load and please could she back off. I did not use exactly these words but kinder messages which conveyed the same meaning.
Then, on deadline day when I had been up since six am working at a document which was due that afternoon, she came to my house unannounced to "check on me" - I was kind but firm, told her she should not have done that because I was really busy, and that I would be seeing her another time.
So, at that point she messaged my other half saying that she was worried about me, that I slammed the door in her face (which I certainly did not), that this was a sure sign that my mental health was deteriorating and that she was deeply hurt by my behaviour.
Fortunately my other half is a no-nonsense kind of person and told her that if she had showed up at his office unannounced in a normal working day he would not have had the time to stop everything and be with her, let alone if she had come on a project deadline day.
After this she cut me off completely from shared messaging groups, etc., perhaps wanting me to react; whereas I wrote to her a "back off" email in which I said (kindly) that because of these boundaries of mine (coming round unannounced, writing about me to my husband behind my back) that she did not respect, I was taking a break from our friendship, although I would always be kind and respectful to her.
We had some great times together and sometimes I miss her companionship but do not miss the lies, having responsibility for one more person, and feeling that I had to provide shelter, food and solutions.
So... am I being unreasonable to want to cut communications without having a face-to-face discussion about it? Shall I try to salvage some kind of friendly relationship or am I correct in having all my arm bells ringing about this person and this was a lucky escape?
Mumsnet wisdom, am I being unreasonable (and perhaps a bit cold hearted? ) to put a stop to this friendship?