Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In law Issues

17 replies

Shadow93 · 04/03/2019 16:33

Hi,
I'm quite new to MN but thought I'd look for some advice/validation. Okay so me and my husband met and married quite young him 25 me 21. I have health issues so we wanted to try for kids early on and were very happy to fall pregnant almost immediately and had our 1st DD about a year after we were married (I worked at the time and he was a full time student) my husband eventually finished his education and we decided to sell our house and move. During this time we'd had a really good relationship with his parents and felt awful about living over 2hrs away with their only grandchild. So we talked it over and mutually decided to move much closer to them for husband to begin his career. We moved just before DD1 second birthday and ended up living just round the corner from them. My parents having retired decided to moved 15 mins down the road to avoid losing regular access to DD1. Problems started almost immediately between husband and in-laws with them not being considerate of his disability and laughing when he was struggling this caused some tension. Then at my DD1's 2nd birthday party I vividly remember MIL saying to me that I shouldn't have any more kids cause she didn't know how I coped with husband and DD1, I thought I was doing ok. Everything was fine for a while and their 19yo daughter went off to Uni an hour away (she has always been very co-dependant with MIL) she lasted less than a term and then moved back home, during this time I became pregnant with DD2. This really signalled the beginning of my issues as SIL has never been particularly nice or talkative with me I suspect she was happier being the only girl in the family, so cue bitchy comments and whispered conversations and abruptly stopped conversations between SIL and MIL when I'm around which makes me worried about what they would say about me in DD1's presence. Add to this issues around all of the in-laws babying DD1 and not having been very interested when DD2 was born and behaving as though they are DD's parents whenever we're around (intervening when we are trying to tell off DD1 and taking DD2 out of my arms without asking)
And we have just started spending less and less time with them (but still seeing my parents regularly) I have told husband that if he wants his folks to see DD's then he can arrange (he couldn't arrange a piss up in a brewery) so long story short I'm now getting comments and text messages from FIL about not seeing their grandchildren AIBU??? Sorry for the long post but it's a long story lol

OP posts:
ViolaD77 · 04/03/2019 16:56

'Problems started almost immediately between husband and in-laws with them not being considerate of his disability and laughing when he was struggling this caused some tension. '

I'm Totally lost OP

Who has a disability??!

Original poster
Shadow93 · 04/03/2019 17:00

Sorry should have explained husband had a chronic pain condition which was diagnosed shortly after we were married (he ignored before till then) he struggles to walk unaided and has a lot of pain doing daily tasks

OP posts:
Knittedfairies · 04/03/2019 17:00

So your husband's parents laughed at him struggling?

Original poster
Shadow93 · 04/03/2019 17:04

Knittedfaries yes, they have little experience of disability outside of my husband and they seem to find it funny that he has to use aids to walk (mobility scooter or walking frame) and that he can struggle even with that. Could be that he internalised the pain or just didn't get out of bed when it was bad before he met me, so they never really saw it

OP posts:
justthecat · 04/03/2019 17:08

The fact they laugh at their ds for having a disability says it all, I’d move away again, that’s disgusting

OKBobble · 04/03/2019 17:10
  1. Reply to his messages by saying please refer to DH (your son).
  1. Move house.
BollocksToBrexit · 04/03/2019 17:22

Your poor DH. It a massive deal to begin to use disability aid in front of other people. You're so self conscious. I had my walking for a year before I'd go out and be seen with it. If anyone had laughed at me I'd have been absolutely crushed. My family sound very similar to your inlaws so I have no contact with them at all. I won't have that sort of nastiness around me or my family.

CrispyDoor · 04/03/2019 17:24

they seem to find it funny that he has to use aids to walk (mobility scooter or walking frame) and that he can struggle even with that.

WTF! Move as far away as possible from these people.

sillysmiles · 04/03/2019 17:26

Is FIL decent? Tell him to come visit. That way your are in your own home and cut down any bitchy mean comments straight away.

CrispyDoor · 04/03/2019 17:28

If they (including FIL) are laughing at their sons disability then that says he is not decent.

sillysmiles · 04/03/2019 17:30

@CrispyDoor - my reading of the OP was that it was the MIL and SIL that was the problem - no mention of the FIL.

Original poster
Shadow93 · 04/03/2019 17:31

sillysmiles yes FIL is alrightish and fine when not part with MIL and SIL and does come round on his own sometimes usually to assist with DIY but won't come on his own just to visit Sad

OP posts:
QueenAnneBoleyn · 04/03/2019 17:34

Are your folks supportive? If so I’d be tempted to move closer to them.

nightmareoncstreet · 04/03/2019 17:42

Can you reply to fil and just say "pop in whenever, it would be lovely to see you" and leave them to visit you. Minimising your effort.

Original poster
Shadow93 · 04/03/2019 17:43

QueenAnneBoleyn Yes my folks are great, very supportive of me and DH and ADORE both girls. Husband is fine being around them (so it's not just my bias) but can't move closer to them as we've just got a fab school for DD1 and they live in a terrible school area

OP posts:
Original poster
Shadow93 · 04/03/2019 17:49

nightmareoncstreet we do but whenever they are around I feel like they're judging the state of the house ( they don't sit, won't accept a cup of tea etc) they live in a house which could happily feature in a magazine ie spotless and super neat. Mine is always a bit messy (not dirty) but with a 3yo and a baby and just me able to clear up it's difficult to live up to their standards so yeah them visiting us throws up a whole new set of issues Sad

OP posts:
Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 04/03/2019 17:53

Imo your ils don't need your mobile number....

New posts on this thread. Refresh page